Ladies: 2 Questions...
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bull6599
Members Posts: 6,640 ✭✭✭✭✭
1.) Why are some of u in this race to be married & start a family by the age of 30? Not saying all women think/feel this way, but I've heard many women express this sentiment. I was in my cousins wedding a few weeks back and on the night of the rehearsal I heard the conversation she was having w/ some of her bridesmaids. 1 of them said her man needed to "step up to the plate" bc she was turning 29 in 3 months and had always planned on being married w/ children by 30.
2.) How long would u stay w/ a guy who hasn't shown any signs of wanting to get married? My cousin & his girl are going thru it right now. They're both 28 and have been together for 3 years. He says she's been talking about ending it bc he hasn't shown any interest in "putting a ring on it" after all this time. So ladies of the IC how long would u stay w/ ur man in that situation...and let's say he adored u & treated u like a queen
2.) How long would u stay w/ a guy who hasn't shown any signs of wanting to get married? My cousin & his girl are going thru it right now. They're both 28 and have been together for 3 years. He says she's been talking about ending it bc he hasn't shown any interest in "putting a ring on it" after all this time. So ladies of the IC how long would u stay w/ ur man in that situation...and let's say he adored u & treated u like a queen
Comments
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Because 30 is officially "not young" anymore. There's no "2" in front of your age. Who wants to be an old bride? I know it's just a number and may sound silly, but that's how some females think. I don't think alot of other females feel like me, but I've always wanted to be married. I'm not into the whole new independent woman thing. Housekeeping and making babies is alright with me, while my husband goes and earns the money. Not saying that I won't work. If I need to I will; doing it right now. But if I had my way, I"d be a stay at home mom.
I guess women (not all) feel validated when they get married because it says that someone cares enough about them to marry them. Also it's like a race between them and their friends. No one wants to be the last to get married. It's a measure of self-worth for some of us. And yes that's the wrong reason to get married. I'm sure alot of us know that, but the thought is still there. And those types of marriages are the ones that don't work out too. They are just getting married for the wrong reasons, and wonder why they're not happy; and their man's not happy. People should only get married when they're perfectly happy being by themselves. It sounds contradictory but if you're not at that point yet, you'll bring your baggage into the marriage with you and it's bound to be major problems down the road.
But to answer the question, if my s/o didn't want to get married but otherwise treated me like a queen, I'd still have to leave. Only because my long term goals and his are completely opposite of each other. If we don't have the same outlook, how would it ever work? I want to get married. Why would I be with someone who doesn't? That's just setting yourself up for unhappiness. These are things that should be really be discussed at the onset of a relationship; in the dating phase. That way it's easier to cut ties when you find out you don't want the same things.
And just because somebody treats you well doesn't mean you're meant to be together. A guy could treat you like a queen and still be cheating on you on the side.....with a man....or some other way out stuff...does that mean you should stay with him? -
30 is old as ? ? wtf. im trying to marry my girl when shes 21-ish.
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Iheart~Cali wrote: »Because 30 is officially "not young" anymore. There's no "2" in front of your age. Who wants to be an old bride? I know it's just a number and may sound silly, but that's how some females think. I don't think alot of other females feel like me, but I've always wanted to be married. I'm not into the whole new independent woman thing. Housekeeping and making babies is alright with me, while my husband goes and earns the money. Not saying that I won't work. If I need to I will; doing it right now. But if I had my way, I"d be a stay at home mom.I guess women (not all) feel validated when they get married because it says that someone cares enough about them to marry them. Also it's like a race between them and their friends. No one wants to be the last to get married. It's a measure of self-worth for some of us. And yes that's the wrong reason to get married. I'm sure alot of us know that, but the thought is still there. And those types of marriages are the ones that don't work out too. They are just getting married for the wrong reasons, and wonder why they're not happy; and their man's not happy. People should only get married when they're perfectly happy being by themselves. It sounds contradictory but if you're not at that point yet, you'll bring your baggage into the marriage with you and it's bound to be major problems down the road.
But to answer the question, if my s/o didn't want to get married but otherwise treated me like a queen, I'd still have to leave. Only because my long term goals and his are completely opposite of each other. If we don't have the same outlook, how would it ever work? I want to get married. Why would I be with someone who doesn't? That's just setting yourself up for unhappiness. These are things that should be really be discussed at the onset of a relationship; in the dating phase. That way it's easier to cut ties when you find out you don't want the same things.
And just because somebody treats you well doesn't mean you're meant to be together. A guy could treat you like a queen and still be cheating on you on the side.....with a man....or some other way out stuff...does that mean you should stay with him?
Damn i wish they made more women like this -
with my degree being what it is, and i cant find a damn job, i might end up being a stay-at-home dad. whatever ? .
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with my degree being what it is, and i cant find a damn job, i might end up being a stay-at-home dad. whatever ? .
Real ? .... but i'd start hustling if i had a real 1 who played her position. them type of girls are keepers -
with my degree being what it is, and i cant find a damn job, i might end up being a stay-at-home dad. whatever ? .
that don't sound too bad son
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Iheart~Cali wrote: »Because 30 is officially "not young" anymore. There's no "2" in front of your age. Who wants to be an old bride? I know it's just a number and may sound silly, but that's how some females think. I don't think alot of other females feel like me, but I've always wanted to be married. I'm not into the whole new independent woman thing. Housekeeping and making babies is alright with me, while my husband goes and earns the money. Not saying that I won't work. If I need to I will; doing it right now. But if I had my way, I"d be a stay at home mom.
I guess women (not all) feel validated when they get married because it says that someone cares enough about them to marry them. Also it's like a race between them and their friends. No one wants to be the last to get married. It's a measure of self-worth for some of us. And yes that's the wrong reason to get married. I'm sure alot of us know that, but the thought is still there. And those types of marriages are the ones that don't work out too. They are just getting married for the wrong reasons, and wonder why they're not happy; and their man's not happy. People should only get married when they're perfectly happy being by themselves. It sounds contradictory but if you're not at that point yet, you'll bring your baggage into the marriage with you and it's bound to be major problems down the road.
But to answer the question, if my s/o didn't want to get married but otherwise treated me like a queen, I'd still have to leave. Only because my long term goals and his are completely opposite of each other. If we don't have the same outlook, how would it ever work? I want to get married. Why would I be with someone who doesn't? That's just setting yourself up for unhappiness. These are things that should be really be discussed at the onset of a relationship; in the dating phase. That way it's easier to cut ties when you find out you don't want the same things.
And just because somebody treats you well doesn't mean you're meant to be together. A guy could treat you like a queen and still be cheating on you on the side.....with a man....or some other way out stuff...does that mean you should stay with him?
interesting.... never thought of it that way -
1. Your internal clock starts ticking. You do not want to be a old bride! Think of the gossip! 2. If I was with someone for that long, and we never talked about marrige, or there was no plans in the near future if we did, i wouldn't stick around.
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Iheart~Cali wrote: »But to answer the question, if my s/o didn't want to get married but otherwise treated me like a queen, I'd still have to leave. Only because my long term goals and his are completely opposite of each other. If we don't have the same outlook, how would it ever work? I want to get married. Why would I be with someone who doesn't? That's just setting yourself up for unhappiness. These are things that should be really be discussed at the onset of a relationship; in the dating phase. That way it's easier to cut ties when you find out you don't want the same things.
And just because somebody treats you well doesn't mean you're meant to be together. A guy could treat you like a queen and still be cheating on you on the side.....with a man....or some other way out stuff...does that mean you should stay with him?
I dont understand this.... isnt it generalizing that if you want to get married and he doesnt that it means that overall you dont want the samethings? I mean.... If a person is treating you like a queen then that means that he is investing his time into you and his future with you. If a person looks at marriage as the worst contract to ever sign but he still treats you like a queen you will still leave hime? because of a title? Im not talking about the people that know how to put on a different mask and knows how to put on an act. Im talking about a down to earth guy that doesnt like the government dictating their love life. If they guy were to step with you and treat you like the queen that you are would you sitll leave him over a title? And if so you base one disagreement to every ten agreement to youve had? -
Every woman is different but the majority have grown up with the pressure of knowing that once over a certain age, you're considered 'left on the shelf'. I personally think it takes as long as it takes to find someone you want to settle down with and I won't get married for the sake of it....especially if divorce is going to be on the cards in a matter of years.
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Iheart~Cali wrote: »Because 30 is officially "not young" anymore. There's no "2" in front of your age. Who wants to be an old bride? I know it's just a number and may sound silly, but that's how some females think. I don't think alot of other females feel like me, but I've always wanted to be married. I'm not into the whole new independent woman thing. Housekeeping and making babies is alright with me, while my husband goes and earns the money. Not saying that I won't work. If I need to I will; doing it right now. But if I had my way, I"d be a stay at home mom.
I guess women (not all) feel validated when they get married because it says that someone cares enough about them to marry them. Also it's like a race between them and their friends. No one wants to be the last to get married. It's a measure of self-worth for some of us. And yes that's the wrong reason to get married. I'm sure alot of us know that, but the thought is still there. And those types of marriages are the ones that don't work out too. They are just getting married for the wrong reasons, and wonder why they're not happy; and their man's not happy. People should only get married when they're perfectly happy being by themselves. It sounds contradictory but if you're not at that point yet, you'll bring your baggage into the marriage with you and it's bound to be major problems down the road.
But to answer the question, if my s/o didn't want to get married but otherwise treated me like a queen, I'd still have to leave. Only because my long term goals and his are completely opposite of each other. If we don't have the same outlook, how would it ever work? I want to get married. Why would I be with someone who doesn't? That's just setting yourself up for unhappiness. These are things that should be really be discussed at the onset of a relationship; in the dating phase. That way it's easier to cut ties when you find out you don't want the same things.
And just because somebody treats you well doesn't mean you're meant to be together. A guy could treat you like a queen and still be cheating on you on the side.....with a man....or some other way out stuff...does that mean you should stay with him?
No offense, but that's some ? from Cosmo at the end. First part is the typical stuff I hear, the being happy solo part made perfect sense, but then you went and ended on some nonsense.
Why does a dude have to be cheating because he treats his girl right but doesn't want to get married? Just because he's married doesn't mean he won't cheat or be on the DL. Word to Chris Hansen and every NBA/NFL/MLB/regular dude ever. The logic in that is just flawed. A little ring is not giving you super powers or giving a dude any incentive not to ? around.
Have you seen marriage laws? Why would any man that could read buy into that?
I mean, by your own logic, being treated well over the long term is meaningless without a ring and a contract that says, "If either of us decides this is a bad idea, I (woman) get to leave with half because I chauffeured some kids ... maybe"? My cousin got married behind this nonsense. Left a dude who treated her like a queen to marry a dude who believed in marriage. Turns out his idea of marriage is "We're partners at the dating phase. I help you. You help me. When we're married, however, a wife is supposed to support her husband. The end." The last part didn't show up until after they were married. At least she wasn't 30 when she got married though.
Meanwhile, other dude's got a chick living comfortable with him in STL. Faithful, in the house at 9 every night, answers his phone on the first ring, etc. No ring for her, but the kids are taken care of, bank account is laid, and life is good. You mean to tell me his girl of 10 years is losing because she can't say, "I got married before 30"? GTFOH. That's my cousin's only defense, too, and I just look at her like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Husband's broke, lending out your money, talking about hustling at damn near 40, and literally regressing before our eyes into a boy--but he's the better choice because he put a ring on it?
Now, let me end on some typical IC hyper aggressive b.s. to make the post complete: ? these hoes! I'm teaching my son--when I have one--to ? these hoes. Find a chick in college, ? her until she's twisted, and put a ring (that she'll buy) on it. That way, she won't go in your pockets, but you'll live in hers. She'll love you because you put a ring on it. Cuz, yeah, royal treatment < ring.
*dead* -
wordEvery woman is different but the majority have grown up with the pressure of knowing that once over a certain age, you're considered 'left on the shelf'. I personally think it takes as long as it takes to find someone you want to settle down with and I won't get married for the sake of it....especially if divorce is going to be on the cards in a matter of years.
it's 2011 and we still hold tight to that 'old maid' stigma
:shrugs:
I just know I want to be happy
if marriage eventually falls into that equation
so be it -
1. I don't think getting married before 30 is that big of a deal. In fact, I probably wont be and it doesn't bother me one bit.
2. I would stay with him. I'm not a marriage minded person so it wouldn't be something I would consider leaving the relationship for. We just won't have any children since I don't believe in OOW children..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmWp-rI6vSw
