Shacking up and the unwritten rule
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caddo man
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When shacking up with someone, it sometimes is for financial reasons but most of the time it is for relationship reasons. There is a unwritten rule on Shacking up and by my understanding it is the default to marriage rule. Just act like you are married and you should not have a problem.
Most of time guys have a problem with this rule because they arent trying to make that type of commitment. Even though they are sleeping in the bed every night with the same person. That commitment part just never seems to materialize.
Most women use this rule to the fullest but they do not convey this rule to their S/O. It suppose to be understood from the time the addresses were changed. You stay in the same residence, you have on an imaginery ring on.
What are your intepretation of the rules when shacking up?
Most of time guys have a problem with this rule because they arent trying to make that type of commitment. Even though they are sleeping in the bed every night with the same person. That commitment part just never seems to materialize.
Most women use this rule to the fullest but they do not convey this rule to their S/O. It suppose to be understood from the time the addresses were changed. You stay in the same residence, you have on an imaginery ring on.
What are your intepretation of the rules when shacking up?
Comments
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Think its pretty much an unspoken agreement that when you shack up, there's yall are exclusive.
Shacking up is pretty much like being married, minus the ceremony and messy divorce. -
My thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits... -
American.Loo wrote: »Think its pretty much an unspoken agreement that when you shack up, there's yall are exclusive.
Shacking up is pretty much like being married, minus the ceremony and messy divorce.
It can still be messy, even on the legal tip too -
PUPU_IZ_DRO wrote: »My thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits...
I always hated that expression
The bills are real, the sex is real, the day-to-day issues are real.
The same problems you face getting married are the same ones you face in a co-habitation.
Only difference is, once sh** hits the fan (which happens half the time) you can walk away minus ALOT of headaches. -
American.Loo wrote: »I always hated that expression
The bills are real, the sex is real, the day-to-day issues are real.
The same problems you face getting married are the same ones you face in a co-habitation.
Only difference is, once sh** hits the fan (which happens half the time) you can walk away minus ALOT of headaches.
see above post! -
One of my boys is "playing house" and he want's out bad mainly because she has started asking about marriage.
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pupu_iz_dro wrote: »my thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits...
cuz in my case i dont beleive in marriage! Im on bm2 and just like my previous relationship since they live with me and been with me for a number of years i introduce her as my wife even though we're not married, idk works for me... -
American.Loo wrote: »I always hated that expression
The bills are real, the sex is real, the day-to-day issues are real.
The same problems you face getting married are the same ones you face in a co-habitation.
Only difference is, once sh** hits the fan (which happens half the time) you can walk away minus ALOT of headaches.
not necessarily.. especially if you have bills you share. Utilities in your SO's name. and even though I havent been through a divorce I would argue that psychologically its probably a similar stress level. It might be slightly easier because you dont have to get lawyers and the courts involved but that just means the 2 people involved have to resolve all those issue alone... and that means someones gonna get screwed. -
American.Loo wrote: »I always hated that expression
The bills are real, the sex is real, the day-to-day issues are real.
The same problems you face getting married are the same ones you face in a co-habitation.
Only difference is, once sh** hits the fan (which happens half the time) you can walk away minus ALOT of headaches.
Cosign the bolded, its the same difference essentially, but the legal ramifications aren't even close. And if its no kids either then its shouldn't be much worse then possible blemishes on ya credit. -
PUPU_IZ_DRO wrote: »My thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits...
You dont really know someone till you live with them on a daily basis.... Its alot easier when you only have to spend saa 4 days outta the week with your chick, as opposed to coming home to her or vice versa. Why buy the car before driving it is a common analogy in this situation -
PUPU_IZ_DRO wrote: »My thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits...
Well if ? goes sour... someone will just have to get the ? out. That's a lot more convenient than havin' to give away half of your paycheck. -
Shuffington wrote: »not necessarily.. especially if you have bills you share. Utilities in your SO's name. and even though I havent been through a divorce I would argue that psychologically its probably a similar stress level. It might be slightly easier because you dont have to get lawyers and the courts involved but that just means the 2 people involved have to resolve all those issue alone... and that means someones gonna get screwed.
I know people that've been divorced and one of the biggest stressors they said was the shame of having everyone know their marriage failed.
And as far as lawyers and courts, i hate them both. so yeah, to you, maybe its only a slight inconvienance but its one i'd gladly side-step. -
I would assume everyone knew the rules but you never sometimes because people want their cake and eat it too.
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I don't understand why people don't just have the uncomfortable conversations early on. Save yourself from future headaches and confusion.
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My understanding is that shacking up = relationship exclusivity unless otherwise stated & agreed upon. I strongly encourage shacking up because, as one person already stated, seeing your s/o occassionally throughout the week and living w/ someone is two completely different things. If things don't work out, you can dissolve the relationship a lot easier...especially if there are no kids involved.
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You dont really know someone till you live with them on a daily basis.... Its alot easier when you only have to spend saa 4 days outta the week with your chick, as opposed to coming home to her or vice versa. Why buy the car before driving it is a common analogy in this situation
I gotta disagree.
I just dont think people know what to check for. I also think alot of young shackers rush into it because of the in-house sex as well as the money they might save on rent/utilities. How nice will it sound thinking about how your girl will cook for you after a long day at the warehouse.
You never really know someone imo is false cause you were probably just overlooking alot of red flags..(like her terrible spending habits/ her ? bathroom, his ? kitchen/ the fact that you met him at the anything goes club). Also you might think you have someone figured out but... as life goes on people evolve to new and different things. If you dont understand the type of person your dealing with then thats more reason just to wait or just bail cause that person doesn't make you comfortable enough -
I don't understand why people don't just have the uncomfortable conversations early on. Save yourself from future headaches and confusion.
Example of what you mean by uncomfortable conversation? -
REally how many of you guys have experienced living with someone for a long period of time.
If you have you should know that there is nothing easy about breaking up especially when you live with someone. There will be a period of time that will go by that you will have to endure some BS. And you will because to even make that decision that you wanted to shack up, you had some kind of feelings for that person.
@NYCeeCee - please tell them about that uncomfortable conversation.Shuffington wrote: »I gotta disagree.
I just dont think people know what to check for. I also think alot of young shackers rush into it because of the in-house sex as well as the money they might save on rent/utilities. How nice will it sound thinking about how your girl will cook for you after a long day at the warehouse.
You never really know someone imo is false cause you were probably just overlooking alot of red flags..(like her terrible spending habits/ her ? bathroom, his ? kitchen/ the fact that you met him at the anything goes club). Also you might think you have someone figured out but... as life goes on people evolve to new and different things. If you dont understand the type of person your dealing with then thats more reason just to wait or just bail cause that person doesn't make you comfortable enough
Preach dude! Everything you said is the truth!
You seen it but you just didnt pay attention to it. Now you live with her and you hate it. -
American.Loo wrote: »I know people that've been divorced and one of the biggest stressors they said was the shame of having everyone know their marriage failed.
And as far as lawyers and courts, i hate them both. so yeah, to you, maybe its only a slight inconvienance but its one i'd gladly side-step.
theres No guarantee that you wont be sued over some sort of bad arrangement... it is possibly avoidable if one person decides to take a loss.... again... someone is going to get the short end of the stick... so when people say "you can just walk away".... thats grossly understated.
And Trust... 2 couples... one cohabiting for 10 yrs and the other married for 10 yrs.... both relationships fail ... I dont think its easier for either one... unless your saying that the cohabiting couple expected the relationship to fail so it didnt hurt as much and the married couple was blind sided ... .. either way.. thats speaks more for marriage in that case.
If im going in the game ... Im going hard -
I will up this on Monday!
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it trips me out that some people are in denial that others really fall inlove. If people want to shack up or get married, leave them alone. love is love. People who never fell inlove for-real want others to prove their love for each other by making up these rules and regulations that suppose to diagnose what real love is. Real love really don't give a ? , if you want to know the truth. When people fall inlove they don't give a ? about impressions or rules. It is what it is. U fight u make up, you break up, you get back together, you say ? u don't mean, you hurt you cry u laugh. It's not a perfect picture, but all this ? people come up with to prove others are not inlove, is just jealousy coming from the ones that never fell inlove for-real.
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it trips me out that some people are in denial that others really fall inlove. If people want to shack up or get married, leave them alone. love is love. People who never fell inlove for-real want others to prove their love for each other by making up these rules and regulations that suppose to diagnose what real love is. Real love really don't give a ? , if you want to know the truth. When people fall inlove they don't give a ? about impressions or rules. It is what it is. U fight u make up, you break up, you get back together, you say ? u don't mean, you hurt you cry u laugh. It's not a perfect picture, but all this ? people come up with to prove others are not inlove, is just jealousy coming from the ones that never fell inlove for-real.
Even Otis Redding is looking at you from hevean with the lemon face thinkin' ? yo self and that beautiful ? loved EVERYBODY, #truestory
anyway, man I'm thinkin' of movin' in with this chick i USED to mess around with, but then i moved outta town and for 4 months we aint been in touch.
Just a few days ago we chopped it up and i mentioned to her my plans of moving out and she proposed that i come stay with her. She said she'd only charge me 170/month and that got me like DAYM WORD?
But ? i don't wanna feel tied down to somebody right now so i'll just make that straight with her
The thing that urks me though is what if we do some ? on some "spur of the moment" ? , no dj quikk -
Must be a young cat who wasn't looking beyond getting in-house ? .
No he's about 30 just doesn't want to get married. His girl has it together too a lawyer and down to earth when I met her. But that's face value who knows. Son is crazy though when he told me he's trying to work it out becasue he would miss the dogs. -
If we're living together, you are mine and mine only. This ain't a roommate situation.
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PUPU_IZ_DRO wrote: »My thing is this...
Why play house?..why be at home with a man/woman.. Doing married things (trips, bills, sex, arguing, puttin up with nonsense) and that ? aint official?
If u gone do allll of that plus more, just make it official
imo its like working for a company and not getting benefits...
Excatly. If I were to ever shack up with someone (Im not plannig on to, just saying) I would treat them like a roommate first, gf/bf second. Meaning that we pay 50/50 on the rent and utilities and no joint accounts. I'm not going to tie my finances to someone who Im not tied to legally....? that.
