"Rapper Jay Z Found Dead Inside At 43"

LUClEN

BROOKLYN – The world mourns today as Shawn Carter, AKA Jay Z, was found dead inside at the young age of 43.

While the official cause of death is still being investigated by Rap Genius editors and urban studies Ph.D.s, many have speculated that Jay Z killed himself inside.

“One minute he was doing great, producing lyrical dynamite full of incisive social commentary and witticisms,” remembers Christopher Wallace, AKA The Notorious B.I.G, whose soul remains alive despite his death in 1997.

“The next, he was an empty suit, laying face-down in a puddle of champagne and corporate sponsorships.”

“Picasso Brooklyn Nets Rothko Barclays Bugatti Samsung,” said Jay Z in catatonia above a snare drum and Justin Timberlake accompaniment. “MoMA MoMA Upper West Side.”

Carter was born December 4, 1969 in Brooklyn, which has also lost its unique soul and sound. The borough is survived by low-rise condominiums, secondhand plaid shirt retailers, and beards.

Jay Z is survived by his wife Beyoncé Knowles and his daughter Blue Ivy, who will never have the opportunity to live a fulfilling and invigorating life of successful ? dealing and will ultimately end up majoring in English at NYU before dying inside at 21.

A funeral will be held at the Barclays Center next week. Jay Z will perform tracks off Magna Carta Holy Grail from his open casket, which is sponsored by Samsung

StoneColdMikey

I hope your son grows up to be a ? and your daughter becomes a ?

LUClEN

It's a ? joke article

calm down and take a couple breaths it aint that serious

double0suge

Guess jokes don't have to be funny anymore..

alibaba

The funeral will be attended by The Camel Orchestra doing a special play on Ether.

nujerz84

alibaba wrote: »

The funeral will be attended by The Camel Orchestra doing a special play on Ether.

Eulogy by USMarine.

Trollio

Jiggawarriors go commit suicide to join their camel ?

Breezy_Kilroy

First thing i thought of was welp guess they can't say he in the illuminati
Could've been funny but yeah it didn't work out that way

Mr.LV

"If I die don't cry my ? its been one hell of a ride my ? "

Breezy_Kilroy

Bleek would make the greatest come up of all time tho

_Menace_

His record sales were bout to sky rocket

sully

'Controversy erupted during the memorial service when, during Nas' speech, Destiny began walking around with a collection plate, asking the audience for change. Beyonce was quoted afterwards, saying "if there's one thing, Shawn loved, it was giving money to the poor and homeless. So in that spirit, i appropriately broke off Jigga's Jesus chain into two L-shaped pieces and gave one to her and Nasir."'

obnoxiouslyfresh

I thought it was funny

Tommy_Milfhitta

? ur thread.

Meta_Conscious

ether

SiccoLoccJay

Rick James will also b attending the funeral

T-Rel

Mr.LV wrote: »

"If I die don't cry my ? its been one hell of a ride my ? "

when it's real say word to Shawn my ?