What's a single girl to do?
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What's a single girl to do when she has no kids and meet a prospective mate with a child/children; it's like most black men I've come across have 1 child or more; and reading/hearing about these issues with their baby's mother; it's like a red flag is being raised.
I haven't dated anyone exclusively with a child before and I know the baby's mother can be a huge influence on a relationship whether she is chill or not.
so, have ya'll ladies have any experiences with dating a man with kids?
What really inspired this thread is that one of my good friend's broke up with her boyfriend because of his baby's mother intrusion on their relationship; which placed him in the middle of them. The baby's mother told my friend that she is only temporary and that she will always be in her child's father's life forever.
I haven't dated anyone exclusively with a child before and I know the baby's mother can be a huge influence on a relationship whether she is chill or not.
so, have ya'll ladies have any experiences with dating a man with kids?
What really inspired this thread is that one of my good friend's broke up with her boyfriend because of his baby's mother intrusion on their relationship; which placed him in the middle of them. The baby's mother told my friend that she is only temporary and that she will always be in her child's father's life forever.
Comments
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i guess proceed with caution.. if the baby momma drama is too much, then depart...
one of the keys to a relationship is the willingness to deal with someone elses's ? ...
we all got some ? in our lives....everyone.. and how close you are to a person normally depends on how much ur willing to deal with their ? ....
if a dudes main bullshi consists of a evil ass baby momma...do u want that kinda ? in your life???
if u tihnk u can deal with it, by all means proceed.. but if that ? just too much for you... then give him the duces....
but be careful... cuz he has to be willing to deal with ur ? as well...so never be too quick to dismiss, when you haven't even been fully accepted.. -
Decide whether or not the benefits of the relationship are worth the hassle, I guess. It shouldn't be entered into lightly if she's going to be a big part of the child's life. I think it works in many cases but I wouldn't know, lol.
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not all men come with baby momma drama...i've been with my man for 3 years and haven't had a problem with his BM not once...guess i lucked up with him
its an awkward situation when you meet the BM though....
what's weird, though, is when he has his son, he likes for me to be around and feel like a family, but i rather let him and his son have their father/son time and i do something else...i aint ready to play stepmomma -
u be cooking yo??junegemini wrote: »not all men come with baby momma drama...i've been with my man for 3 years and haven't had a problem with his BM not once...guess i lucked up with him
its an awkward situation when you meet the BM though....
what's weird, though, is when he has his son, he likes for me to be around and feel like a family, but i rather let him and his son have their father/son time and i do something else...i aint ready to play stepmomma -
u be cooking yo??
is that a rhetorical question?
i never cooked for his child, but yes, i cook -
junegemini wrote: »is that a rhetorical question?
i never cooked for his child, but yes, i cook
see...he want you to cook for his child...
he thinking
"ay lil ? .. as soon as u taste her food, u gonna be like 'mommy who?'" -
It all depends on how strong you are and how understanding are you to the fact that you will never really be his top priority. We always talk about the issues men deal with when dating single mothers, but women who date single fathers struggle with the issue of always being second to their kid and the drama that comes with dealing with the mother of that kid. As much as women don't want to admit it, a lot of them feel as if they're in competition with the kid for the man's attention which can cause problems too. So just be aware of the situation, and don't get caught up in the drama and like with everything else you should be fine.
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see...he want you to cook for his child...
he thinking
"ay lil ? .. as soon as u taste her food, u gonna be like 'mommy who?'"
LMAO...im not trying to replace his momma lol
his kids damn near grown...i dont have to worry about any of that -
Make me ya man and all other issues will be deaded.. lol
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junegemini wrote: »LMAO...im not trying to replace his momma lol
his kids damn near grown...i dont have to worry about any of that
yea iight.. so y u ain't cook for them yet???
? willl be quick to turn their back on momma if u slang that apron better... -
yea iight.. so y u ain't cook for them yet???
? willl be quick to turn their back on momma if u slang that apron better...
Du, i dont try to be around when the kids come to visit...now, if they came over when we were living together, that would be different, i wouldn't have a choice...but i seen them the most when i used to live in VA, now i only see them during the holidays -
death187sin wrote: »Make me ya man and all other issues will be deaded.. lol
lol okay where do i sign?? -
Sounds....complicated. But only if the other woman feels threatened by you and decides to make things difficult. If you like him and don't have to deal with her initially, you might as well see how it goes.
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If its on ya mind that much, then leave them ? alone. I aint got no kids and thats good for my age and my status. Kids is a hassle, it aint no secret. Especially when they aint yours, why deal w/ that??
And I surely aint looking for no woman w/ kids except for one reason. Try and play that love role if she want,... if she got kids thats a no go for a long relationship. Thats just me though.... -
u need my workshop boo.
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Well. Apparently she wasnt lying :shrugThe baby's mother told my friend that she is only temporary and that she will always be in her child's father's life forever. -
Hey sweetie pie.
Let me tell you quickly & briefly my experiences.
I was in a relationship with a guy for almost 5 years who had 3 kids. His baby mama made our life hell the entire time. She was on drugs tho and we were fighting for custody and eventually got it and then they came to live with us. I loved his kids like my own so I enjoyed every minute of it but it was a lot of work of course... I don't think many women are capable of doing what I did honestly b/c taking in kids that aren't yours requires a lot of sacrifice and patience.
Now in my next relationship the guy had a daughter who lived with her mom, no drama there but the little girl was SO attached to me. She would cry for me ALL the time even to her mother. He would always use it against me like "Tori wants to see you, she hasnt seen you in two weeks and shes crying for you every day" and it made me feel like ? . I hated that. I had no problem taking her with me places like shopping and even cooked for her and got her gifts and got really close to her... but then when we broke up I felt so bad b/c I missed her and I knew she was attached too.
So the biggest things I can say are be prepared to get attached to their kids which also means when/if you split up you will be hurting and so will the kid. Another thing is the guy will NEVER give you his full attention, you will never be #1. His kid comes first and rightfully so if he's a good father and a good person, but you have to share the attention and time so you have got to be a strong person. I know chicks that are super clingy and needy and they can't deal with men who have kids cuz they can't settle for being #2. So its something you gotta consider if you can deal with or not.
Me personally after those experiences I strongly prefer a man without kids now. And anyway when I get married and have kids one day I would prefer that the kids are our first kids so we can experience that together. But it is VERY hard to find men without kids these days. A large majority of single guys out here already have a kid or two. So if I met the man of my dreams and he had kids I wouldn't hold it against him but it would be very disappointing. Idk why so many people are out here having kids with people like its nothing, like its cool to have a baby mama/baby daddy. But thats the world we live in mamita. -
charlie_danger wrote: »
what's a single girl to do when she has no kids and meet a prospective mate with a child/children; it's like most black men i've come across have 1 child or more; and reading/hearing about these issues with their
baby's mother; it's like a red flag is being raised.
I haven't dated anyone exclusively with a child before and i know the baby's mother can be a huge influence on a relationship whether she is chill or not.
So, have ya'll ladies have any experiences with dating a man with kids?
What really inspired this thread is that one of my good friend's broke up with her boyfriend because of his baby's mother intrusion on their relationship; which placed him in the middle of them. The baby's mother told
my friend that she is only temporary and that she will always be in her child's father's life forever.
buy a dog
danger, charlie , danger -
well, i'm in this exact situation. When i met my now husband he had a 5 year old. I had never dated anyone with kids before him, so i was pretty apprehensive about it. The only thing that made me jump in with both
feet was that i had strong feelings for him, and i didn't wanna pass up on what might be just cuz i was nervous about the whole child situation. You also have to know what kind of person you are. I've always been
the nurturing, motherly type and i love children, so it wasn't hard for me to step into that role. When we were dating his son lived with his mom, but since we got married he lives with us now, and it's been great.
I don't have to really worry about his baby mama's intrusions cuz he wants absolutely nothing to do with her, and they only communicate about his son and that's it. As far as her and me, she actually likes me, well
that's the impression i get, but she's the type that's too scared/fake to say something even if she feels otherwise. She knows i treat her son well, i don't try to be his son's mom (he calls me by my first name), i just
play my role as a step-mom, his parents handle all the discipline, i just pitch in where i can, like helpin him wit his homework etc.
Honestly, it really hasn't been too hard for me, it took some getting used to, but now i couldn't imagine not having his son around. We still don't have any kids together, but if we do, i know he'll be a great father. So
if you really like a guy and think it would be worth it to put up with a little hassle, and you don't mind loving/being there for a child that's not your own, i'd say go for it. There should be minimal to no baby mama
drama if the man is nippin that ? in the bud
i'd say i aint read yo dissertation , thesis statement but , you might gut me like a wild bore pimpin
i read it and you're quite bright kai
i see you v -
hey sweetie pie.
Let me tell you quickly & briefly my experiences.
I was in a relationship with a guy for almost 5 years who had 3 kids. His baby mama made our life hell the entire time. She was on drugs tho and we were fighting for custody and eventually got it and then they came
to live with us. I loved his kids like my own so i enjoyed every minute of it but it was a lot of work of course... I don't think many women are capable of doing what i did honestly b/c taking in kids that aren't yours
requires a lot of sacrifice and patience.
Now in my next relationship the guy had a daughter who lived with her mom, no drama there but the little girl was so attached to me. She would cry for me all the time even to her mother. He would always use it
against me like "tori wants to see you, she hasnt seen you in two weeks and shes crying for you every day" and it made me feel like ? . I hated that. I had no problem taking her with me places like shopping and
even cooked for her and got her gifts and got really close to her... But then when we broke up i felt so bad b/c i missed her and i knew she was attached too.
So the biggest things i can say are be prepared to get attached to their kids which also means when/if you split up you will be hurting and so will the kid. Another thing is the guy will never give you his full attention,
you will never be #1. His kid comes first and rightfully so if he's a good father and a good person, but you have to share the attention and time so you have got to be a strong person. I know chicks that are super
clingy and needy and they can't deal with men who have kids cuz they can't settle for being #2. So its something you gotta consider if you can deal with or not.
Me personally after those experiences i strongly prefer a man without kids now. And anyway when i get married and have kids one day i would prefer that the kids are our first kids so we can experience that
together. But it is very hard to find men without kids these days. A large majority of single guys out here already have a kid or two. So if i met the man of my dreams and he had kids i wouldn't hold it against him
but it would be very disappointing. Idk why so many people are out here having kids with people like its nothing, like its cool to have a baby mama/baby daddy. But thats the world we live in mamita.
yall got talent , smart ugly like me
, and long winded :cool:
SWEETIE PIE? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE .. THAT WAS MIGHTY WHITE OF YOU AK
HI. OK. BYE -
charlie_danger wrote: »I haven't dated anyone exclusively with a child before and I know the baby's mother can be a huge influence on a relationship whether she is chill or not.
So why start now? That ? has a lady in his life, namely his baby's mama. He should make a life with her. You should be a proponent of keeping black families together and encourage him to stay with his baby's mama. -
Maximus Rex wrote: »So why start now? That ? has a lady in his life, namely his baby's mama. He should make a life with her. You should be a proponent of keeping black families together and encourage him to stay with his baby's mama.
i made this thread to provoke thoughts on what it is to be on the other side of topics that we continuously see on here about men speaking about dating single mothers. I always pondered what was a woman's personal experience with dating a man with kids because it's always a negative report of feelings from the men point of view on here about single mothers.
Im not seeking a man with a child nor without a child (I'm quite to busy for that) and this experience happened at my front door with one of my good friends (not brizi @darc lol).
Secondly, why should I be an agent of keeping black families together? How about you start a non-profit and counsel people who have baby mothers/baby daddies and get them together. If not, then don't make statements that you aren't doing yourself.
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junegemini wrote: »is that a rhetorical question?
i never cooked for his child, but yes, i cook
damn you never cooked for the kid in 3 whole years? lmao that kid must suck -
I don't date men with kids...I don't even wanna get into that situation.
I'm all for men taking care of their responsibilities or whatever...but it's just not for me. -
bankrupt baller wrote: »damn you never cooked for the kid in 3 whole years? lmao that kid must suck
i try not to be around when the kid comes over...and if i am, its just in passing
