On the Run from Child Support

Louisiana Crude wrote: »

^^^I very much agree. I wish more women had this mindset. I also wish more guys would get their just do for being good fathers and trying to be in their kid's lives. There are too many fellas not being in their kids lives but I think the ones that do should be recognized and not labeled or stereotyped.

I'm just saying.....

king hassan wrote: »

Man I can't even get a word out of her mother. I told the crazy heifer thanks for taking care of my baby for the father/daughter dance she did'nt even reply. SMH

So your daughter had a dance for you and her and she ain't tell you about it? I know there are a lot of good for nothing cats out there but come on man.

Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »

Everything you see or hear isn't exactly so. I am just pointing out that every story has 3 sides: his, hers and the truth.
The court will not just simply grant sole custody to the mother which is how you are making it seem.
The thing is, many times we do see this and fail to know the entire back story because the fact of the matter is, many of these cases do involve a parent that allowed the other to gain sole custody by making no effort against the ruling.

Now, unless it can be proven that the parent is unfit, they usually will not deny some form of custody.
However, the parent in question must be present on a consistent basis for it to be considered. No person should expect to be granted joint custody if they have failed to be there for their child prior to any custody battle. It doesn't work like that.

The "father" in this case does have the power to affect any ruling but in some cases, many don't even bother.
They either a. Feel it to be pointless with this pre conceived notion in their mind that they will lose the "battle" or b. Do not care enough. If they don't show up or fight it then it becomes an uncontested trial and by default the mother is granted sole custody and that, I can completely understand and agree upon. It really is based on all moments leading up to being in court which itself isn't even necessary.

The first option is to settle out of court which really is in the best interest of both parties unless of course an agreement cannot be reached. A mediator is often beneficial because unfortunately many parents in a custody/support battle who are not able to communicate in a civil manner are selfish and not putting the child's best interest first.
Once it is taken to court, the final decision is no longer in your hands. You have now eliminated the possibility of settling this yourself and now it will be the judge who makes that final ruling based on your testimony and any evidence.

Of course many things are unjust but it isn't always that simple when it comes to a child. At the end of the day, the court doesn't care about you or I whatsoever.
It's like this, if a man doesn't pay a cent for his child, the court will still see the man as having a right to see his child.
The opposite also applies. If he solely supports that child financially, it still does not give him anymore rights as parenting isn't solely financial.

The gist of your post is what I disagree with. I agree with that court not caring about any of us, and that includes the child.

This post has the overall tone of the courts generally don't just screw over people. That's false, they do it all the time.

"The court will not just simply grant sole custody to the mother which is how you are making it seem. "
They do it all the time. And in a lot if not most of the cases where the father contests this, it gets very costly and you have to climb uphill in an ice storm.

"They either a. Feel it to be pointless with this pre conceived notion in their mind that they will lose the "battle" or b. Do not care enough."
The pre conceived notion isn't far fetched. It's a heavily one sided deal from the minute you walk into court. Lawyer, good ones, cost hella money. So while the men is supporting himself and in most cases paying support, alimony or both, a lot of time it can't be afforded. Legal aid has very low income requirements and they don't get results anyway. They want to settle as quickly as possible and move to the next case.
Meanwhile, the woman in a lot of cases doesn't even have to have representation, and if they do get it, in divorce cases the man usually pays for that too. Hell I've witnessed a judge give a woman legal advice in a hearing about alimony, trying to encourage her to seek it.

"It's like this, if a man doesn't pay a cent for his child, the court will still see the man as having a right to see his child."
They say that and it's supposed to be true but the fact remains that parenting time is hardly EVER enforced. I pay my child support every month and I haven't seen my kids since they were with me for Easter break. And I've been to court I don't know how many times and nobody will do anything. And when I went to her house, she started an argument, I left, she file a PPO. So now I have to go to court to terminate that AND friend of the court is saying they can't proceed with my parenting time complaint until the PPO is modified or terminated.

To sum it up, this whole system is BS which I think we agree on, but the reality is also in the majority of cases it caters to the benefit of women. (Don't get it mistaken tho, they do it cuz it's ultimately to THEIR benefit)

gorilla wrote: »

The gist of your post is what I disagree with. I agree with that court not caring about any of us, and that includes the child.

This post has the overall tone of the courts generally don't just screw over people. That's false, they do it all the time.

"The court will not just simply grant sole custody to the mother which is how you are making it seem. "
They do it all the time. And in a lot if not most of the cases where the father contests this, it gets very costly and you have to climb uphill in an ice storm.

"They either a. Feel it to be pointless with this pre conceived notion in their mind that they will lose the "battle" or b. Do not care enough."
The pre conceived notion isn't far fetched. It's a heavily one sided deal from the minute you walk into court. Lawyer, good ones, cost hella money. So while the men is supporting himself and in most cases paying support, alimony or both, a lot of time it can't be afforded. Legal aid has very low income requirements and they don't get results anyway. They want to settle as quickly as possible and move to the next case.
Meanwhile, the woman in a lot of cases doesn't even have to have representation, and if they do get it, in divorce cases the man usually pays for that too. Hell I've witnessed a judge give a woman legal advice in a hearing about alimony, trying to encourage her to seek it.

"It's like this, if a man doesn't pay a cent for his child, the court will still see the man as having a right to see his child."
They say that and it's supposed to be true but the fact remains that parenting time is hardly EVER enforced. I pay my child support every month and I haven't seen my kids since they were with me for Easter break. And I've been to court I don't know how many times and nobody will do anything. And when I went to her house, she started an argument, I left, she file a PPO. So now I have to go to court to terminate that AND friend of the court is saying they can't proceed with my parenting time complaint until the PPO is modified or terminated.

To sum it up, this whole system is BS which I think we agree on, but the reality is also in the majority of cases it caters to the benefit of women. (Don't get it mistaken tho, they do it cuz it's ultimately to THEIR benefit)

No. That is not at all the gist of my post.
I cleared that up with Louisiana.
I think our misunderstanding is stemming from you getting the idea that me playing the other side is actual my opinion on the entire topic in general which is not at all the case but I understand.

"The court will not just simply grant sole custody to the mother which is how you are making it seem. "
They do it all the time. And in a lot if not most of the cases where the father contests this, it gets very costly and you have to climb uphill in an ice storm.

All I meant was that the court doesn't just say "You want sole custody? Okay, here you go." It is a process, it doesn't just get handed out to anyone who asks for it the minute they do.
You are correct, many times the system fails good brothers, I never denied that. It happens in and out of court.
Even if I were to have 1 cent left to my name, I would not put a brother on child support. Sounds crazy? Then I'll be that. I have my reasons.

"They either a. Feel it to be pointless with this pre conceived notion in their mind that they will lose the "battle" or b. Do not care enough."
The pre conceived notion isn't far fetched. It's a heavily one sided deal from the minute you walk into court. Lawyer, good ones, cost hella money. So while the men is supporting himself and in most cases paying support, alimony or both, a lot of time it can't be afforded. Legal aid has very low income requirements and they don't get results anyway. They want to settle as quickly as possible and move to the next case.
Meanwhile, the woman in a lot of cases doesn't even have to have representation, and if they do get it, in divorce cases the man usually pays for that too. Hell I've witnessed a judge give a woman legal advice in a hearing about alimony, trying to encourage her to seek it.

I am aware that the feeling of loss before even beginning to try to win is one that can overshadow any hope. That feeling cuts deep, but is that an excuse NOT to try? Of course not, not when it's my child's life we are dealing with.

"It's like this, if a man doesn't pay a cent for his child, the court will still see the man as having a right to see his child."
They say that and it's supposed to be true but the fact remains that parenting time is hardly EVER enforced. I pay my child support every month and I haven't seen my kids since they were with me for Easter break. And I've been to court I don't know how many times and nobody will do anything. And when I went to her house, she started an argument, I left, she file a PPO. So now I have to go to court to terminate that AND friend of the court is saying they can't proceed with my parenting time complaint until the PPO is modified or terminated.

This part I would like to further discuss with you if you wouldn't mind.
I have nothing to say in this regard because it just goes back to the law being a piece of garbage.

UPTOWN (CONNEXX) wrote: »

do you have or have you filed for joint custody yet???

i see what marley is saying ... and in alot of cases that is true. but i think what you may not understand is that the courts dont actually favor "women" per say. the courts favor the custodial parent. and if a child is born out of wedlock then the mother is granted the custodial rights automatically. if you were at your childs birth, the nurse should have gave you the opportunity to sign an acknowledgement of paternity form that is filed with the birth certificate of the child. now of course it is a thin line signing that paper because if it turns out that the child is not yours, the document is still legally binding. but you are granted the option of withholding on signing it until paternity tests come back ... and of course you can arrange a paternity test when your child is born too .... the acknowledgement of paternity gives you equal custodial rights.

too bad they dont teach ? like this in sex - ed at school

but at the end of the day cuzzin you gotta file for joint custody the moment you know that she took you for child support ... you waited it out and now your fighting from behind. dont let it frustrate you cuzzo .. i know its hard as hell for you my dude ... but you are no where near out of the picture my dude ... ive seen way worse cases than yours .. you'll be straight ... just make sure you play your seed close that way you can cover those bases that she missed and strenghthen your side of the "battle"

I have to agree with the highlighted.
One day, the tables will most likely turn. That child may very well end up resenting their mother and often times, if you make it happen, the bond between father and child will surpass any lost time.
Also, there are ways to build up a case which can at least ensure a more substantial case on your end. I don't know the back story so I cannot help, that would be too general.

UPTOWN (CONNEXX) wrote: »

do you have or have you filed for joint custody yet???

i see what marley is saying ... and in alot of cases that is true. but i think what you may not understand is that the courts dont actually favor "women" per say. the courts favor the custodial parent. and if a child is born out of wedlock then the mother is granted the custodial rights automatically. if you were at your childs birth, the nurse should have gave you the opportunity to sign an acknowledgement of paternity form that is filed with the birth certificate of the child. now of course it is a thin line signing that paper because if it turns out that the child is not yours, the document is still legally binding. but you are granted the option of withholding on signing it until paternity tests come back ... and of course you can arrange a paternity test when your child is born too .... the acknowledgement of paternity gives you equal custodial rights.

too bad they dont teach ? like this in sex - ed at school

but at the end of the day cuzzin you gotta file for joint custody the moment you know that she took you for child support ... you waited it out and now your fighting from behind. dont let it frustrate you cuzzo .. i know its hard as hell for you my dude ... but you are no where near out of the picture my dude ... ive seen way worse cases than yours .. you'll be straight ... just make sure you play your seed close that way you can cover those bases that she missed and strenghthen your side of the "battle"

Some background info:

We were married. I filed for divorce, in the divorce I asked for joint legal and joint physical custody with the intention of having the kids split their time between the two of us as close down the middle as possible. We mapped out a schedule. She tried to come up with every kind of excuse/activity to limit and reduce my time with them, but I fought that and agreed to take them to a reasonable amount of activities during my time with them. Meaning I wasn't going to just let her start signing them up for all kind of ? and be running around the city dropping them off here and there instead of spending time with them.

I have our judgement of divorce which states that we share joint physical/legal custody. I have the order signed with mapped out schedules. She started picking up the kids from school early so that by the time I got there (and yes I mean at least 15 mins or so before the last bell I would always be there) they'd already be gone. I went to the police, showed them the divorce judgement and schedule and argued that could be considered as parental kidnapping. They sent a squad car to her house, she refused to let the kids come out and they said they couldn't do anything else and I'd have to take her to court. We go to court, I take a letter signed by the main office on school letterhead that specifically stated the time I arrived and the fact that the kids had been picked up early from school by her. Judge tell her not to do it again, blah blah blah. We leave court and the same ? happens. This pattern continues, I hire another attorney, we go back to court they send us to mediation. More blah blah blah, we leave court with a new agreement, she does the same ? . File another complaint, hear nothing. I go up to friend of the court, they "tried contacting her but haven't heard anything". I file another complaint, wait, nothing gets done. I go back to friend of the court, ask to speak to our "family counselor" directly, she even admits this is getting out of hand. She finally files a show cause hearing. At the show cause hearing, the ? serves me with the PPO, and then they adjourn the show cause hearing because of the PPO which I go to court next month to fight.

That's the tip of the iceberg, this ? been going on since I divorced her ass in 08. I got a file case full of all kinds of court ? on her and they won't budge. Let me miss 1 child support payment though, and all she has to do is call the warrant dept. at the county sheriffs.

gorilla wrote: »

Some background info:

We were married. I filed for divorce, in the divorce I asked for joint legal and joint physical custody with the intention of having the kids split their time between the two of us as close down the middle as possible. We mapped out a schedule. She tried to come up with every kind of excuse/activity to limit and reduce my time with them, but I fought that and agreed to take them to a reasonable amount of activities during my time with them. Meaning I wasn't going to just let her start signing them up for all kind of ? and be running around the city dropping them off here and there instead of spending time with them.

I have our judgement of divorce which states that we share joint physical/legal custody. I have the order signed with mapped out schedules. She started picking up the kids from school early so that by the time I got there (and yes I mean at least 15 mins or so before the last bell I would always be there) they'd already be gone. I went to the police, showed them the divorce judgement and schedule and argued that could be considered as parental kidnapping. They sent a squad car to her house, she refused to let the kids come out and they said they couldn't do anything else and I'd have to take her to court. We go to court, I take a letter signed by the main office on school letterhead that specifically stated the time I arrived and the fact that the kids had been picked up early from school by her. Judge tell her not to do it again, blah blah blah. We leave court and the same ? happens. This pattern continues, I hire another attorney, we go back to court they send us to mediation. More blah blah blah, we leave court with a new agreement, she does the same ? . File another complaint, hear nothing. I go up to friend of the court, they "tried contacting her but haven't heard anything". I file another complaint, wait, nothing gets done. I go back to friend of the court, ask to speak to our "family counselor" directly, she even admits this is getting out of hand. She finally files a show cause hearing. At the show cause hearing, the ? serves me with the PPO, and then they adjourn the show cause hearing because of the PPO which I go to court next month to fight.

That's the tip of the iceberg, this ? been going on since I divorced her ass in 08. I got a file case full of all kinds of court ? on her and they won't budge. Let me miss 1 child support payment though, and all she has to do is call the warrant dept. at the county sheriffs.

They sent you for mediation after all that?
That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.......today.
The system has no damn sense. Why after all that would they believe that mediation would resolve things? (Rhetorical)

I am only trying to get all sides of the story because I know realistically, things can be different from what they seem.
I know of situations which sound identical in certain ways but the individual actually only relays THEIR truth to make it seem like the other party is the one in the wrong.
Not applying this to you or anyone here, I just usually don't judge, especially based on one side of the story. I say this as a mother herself who overstands each side.

I feel for the battle you have to fight and all for something you shouldn't have to, the right to your children.

Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »

They sent you for mediation after all that?
That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.......today.
The system has no damn sense. Why after all that would they believe that mediation would resolve things? (Rhetorical)

Yup! And to make it worse you can't refuse because then you look like the non cooperative party.

Honestly, this is really truly about a financial interest the government has in this whole thing. You hear people say c support is a scam -and it is. It's big business. I've spend countless hours researching this whole setup and it all goes back to money that it generates.

Hell I forgot that with the service fee, administrative fee, there another $25 dollar fee that I know is affect at least in MI that the non custodial parent has to pay. But wait a minute, although I pay child support, my divorce judgment granted me shared LEGAL AND PHYSICAL custody, so how am I non custodial?

rakim ii wrote: »

Wow the system is so flawed. I'm going thru alot of the same ? with the mother of my child. ? can't get over the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with her and the first thing she does is run to the court with some bs and they side with her. Sometimes it feel like l'm fighting a losing battle. The judge is so biased.

Homie this is the new scorned woman trend. Regardless of why a man doesn't want to be with her, no matter how much of a dog he was/is no woman should be allowed to keep a man away from his children (outside of that being a real danger to the child not something she made up)

Don't give up though. Keep fighting for your child man, no matter how long it takes. And trust me, I know for a fact it's easier said than done.

Conscious__Nkechi wrote: »

I completely agree.
The most important years of a child's life is between the ages of 0-9. It is then broken down into 3 parts: 0-3, 3-6, 6-9.
A child's personality develops over this time and sticks with them for life. So much of them begins before the age of 9 and you are missing out on it, it's heartbreaking.

I am disgusted at that judges comment but not at all surprised. That doesn't mean it's acceptable or okay.
I wonder how he'd react if someone were to tell him "Suck it up, you can be with your children when they grow up."
He's like saying "Buck up soldier, you have a shot in hell but it's only your kids, not that important."

Get this tho, that same judge was arrested in a sex sting. Apparently, he's ? and tried to give the business to an undercover deputy in an airport bathroom:

http://www.clr.org/Halloran-Richard-Judge.pdf

gorilla wrote: »

Get this tho, that same judge was arrested in a sex sting. Apparently, he's ? and tried to give the business to an undercover deputy in an airport bathroom:

http://www.clr.org/Halloran-Richard-Judge.pdf

Some judges aint worth a quarter of that degree they obtained to even be in their position.
The law wonders why we stray from involving them in our lives when it is needed the most.
How does one begin to feel comforatable enough to trust that reaching out won't backfire? It happens often.
So many crimes aren't even reported because of a general fear of the injustice that the system is.

I don't know if you saw when i posted this true event:
Long story short, lady has a boyfriend. He is over at her house along with her young daughter who is between the ages of 4 and 6.
She has to run down to the store so she leaves her young girl with her boyfriend since it is just downstairs.
When she returns, he is sodomizing her so she grabs a knife, stabs dude and he ends up doing a year maybe, she ends up getting a few. WTH??
Where is the justice here? Why did she do any time at all? It should have been deemed as defending a helpless life and she shouldn't have been slapped with anything.

gorilla wrote: »

Not only do I understand, but I applaud you. All the system does is take away your rights, make a possibly bad situation between you and the other parent ever worse, all while they sit back and profit from it.

Too many people fail to realize that bringing the courts in usually only complicates things. Once you are in the system, there is no going back.
This is why mediation is the first option before even taking it in front of a judge.

gorilla wrote: »

Wow, see that's another father nightmare right there, the dreaded new boyfriend being around your kids. First off that ? shoulda been put to death. Say what you want but I'm a father and that's how I feel, you mess with kids. Second, where I fault her is for leaving her child alone with him. Any parent should know better than to leave their kids alone with people like that. I get that he was her boyfriend, but he wasn't her HUSBAND or the childs father. I see it like this, you already have kids who get molested by family members or even their own parent, so why would you trust a small child to be alone with a BOYFRIEND.

I don't think I could live with myself if I would have been stupid enough to do what she did.
It will be very difficult for me to begin to be comfortable leaving my child in someone elses care. I would never bring a new man back to my home where my child rests his head, this would take a lot of time to establish that solid foundation where I feel at ease letting a man into my home. I have had my current place for a couple years and even though I have lived elsewhere between that time, I still have yet to invite a man into my home. I have been single much of that time but I have had a date in which case I would meet the man at the location and take separate vehicles.
I am cautious in that regard and don't feel comfortable otherwise. Sure, taking one vehicle would save money but I am not risking my comfort for a few bucks.