7 Things I Can Do That My Black Son Can’t
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https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/7-things-i-can-do-that-my-black-son-cant-99408985077.html
In the days after the Michael Brown shooting, I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin. The upshot: America, to its shame, is still a place where black males are feared, and I don’t want that fear to turn itself on my son in a way that leads to his arrest or death.
I published the piece on Ebony.com, and the reactions from black readers ranged from “sad but true” to allegations that I myself was engaging in the very racism and colorism that I was decrying. But buried among these was a comment from a white reader who accused me of “sucking up to black folk” and then went on to list the supposed advantages of being black in America. (Apparently, according to this reader, my son will have an unearned fast track to a career as an air traffic controller. Um, okay?)
STORY: Inside Look at ‘Marcel the Shell’
I can’t help but think that, if the essay had been published in an outlet with a larger white readership, many more commenters would have chimed in to deny the continued existence of racism. In my experience, white people (and straight people, and male people, and Christian people — all groups of which I’m a member) tend to dismiss the notion that we’re privileged. It’s an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you’re the recipient of unfair benefits, especially when those benefits are often nearly invisible to those who receive them.
But when you’re a parent, those privileges stop being invisible. It’s the reason why male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support women’s issues. It’s the reason why Ohio Sen. Rob Portman suddenly declared his support for same-sex marriage after his son came out as ? . And it’s the reason why, everywhere I look, I see hassles that my son will have to face that I don’t. Here’s a partial list of things I can take for granted, but which will likely be problematic for my son:
1. I Can Walk Through a Store Without Being Followed
To take one high-profile instance, Macy’s and the city of New York recently settled with actor Robert Brown, who was handcuffed, humiliated, and accused of committing credit card fraud after buying an expensive watch at the store.
I never have to worry about this happening to me.
2. I Can Succeed Without It Being Attributed to My Race
When my wife, who is black, received her acceptance letter from Boston College, a peer told her she must have gotten in due to affirmative action, effectively ruining the experience of receiving the letter.
PHOTOS: Healthy Foods Your Kids Will Actually Eat
When I succeed, people assume I’ve earned it.
3. I Learned About My Ancestors’ History in School
I can tell you all about Louis XIV, Socrates, and the Magna Carta, but I always wondered when we would finally learn about African history (beyond Pharaohs and pyramids). The subject never came up.
4. I Can Lose My Temper in Traffic
Once, an acquaintance who got into a confrontation while driving told me how scared she was of the other driver, describing him as a “? guy.” When I get heated, no one attributes it to my race.
5. I Can Loiter in Wealthy Neighborhoods
No one has ever called the cops on me to report a “suspicious person.” My wife can’t say the same.
STORY: Words You Should Always Say to Your Kids
6. I Can Complain About Racism
When I point out that black people are incarcerated at alarming rates, or largely forced to send their children to underperforming schools, or face systemic discrimination when searching for jobs and housing, no one accuses me of “playing the race card.”
7. I Can Count on Being Met on My Own Terms
If I’m being treated poorly, I don’t stop and think about whether it’s due to my race. But unless we somehow make a giant leap forward, my son will always have to wonder.
Recently, I became a father for the second time. My daughter, only three months old, will grow up to face many of the same challenges as my son, on top of the extra ones that come with being a woman: the struggle for equal pay, the catcalling, the constant threat of sexual assault.
I don’t want to give my children a complex about all of this, but I can’t wish these problems away, either. I can’t eliminate all the unfair hurdles that exist in the world. I can only do my best to raise kids who are able to jump over them.
In the days after the Michael Brown shooting, I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin. The upshot: America, to its shame, is still a place where black males are feared, and I don’t want that fear to turn itself on my son in a way that leads to his arrest or death.
I published the piece on Ebony.com, and the reactions from black readers ranged from “sad but true” to allegations that I myself was engaging in the very racism and colorism that I was decrying. But buried among these was a comment from a white reader who accused me of “sucking up to black folk” and then went on to list the supposed advantages of being black in America. (Apparently, according to this reader, my son will have an unearned fast track to a career as an air traffic controller. Um, okay?)
STORY: Inside Look at ‘Marcel the Shell’
I can’t help but think that, if the essay had been published in an outlet with a larger white readership, many more commenters would have chimed in to deny the continued existence of racism. In my experience, white people (and straight people, and male people, and Christian people — all groups of which I’m a member) tend to dismiss the notion that we’re privileged. It’s an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you’re the recipient of unfair benefits, especially when those benefits are often nearly invisible to those who receive them.
But when you’re a parent, those privileges stop being invisible. It’s the reason why male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support women’s issues. It’s the reason why Ohio Sen. Rob Portman suddenly declared his support for same-sex marriage after his son came out as ? . And it’s the reason why, everywhere I look, I see hassles that my son will have to face that I don’t. Here’s a partial list of things I can take for granted, but which will likely be problematic for my son:
1. I Can Walk Through a Store Without Being Followed
To take one high-profile instance, Macy’s and the city of New York recently settled with actor Robert Brown, who was handcuffed, humiliated, and accused of committing credit card fraud after buying an expensive watch at the store.
I never have to worry about this happening to me.
2. I Can Succeed Without It Being Attributed to My Race
When my wife, who is black, received her acceptance letter from Boston College, a peer told her she must have gotten in due to affirmative action, effectively ruining the experience of receiving the letter.
PHOTOS: Healthy Foods Your Kids Will Actually Eat
When I succeed, people assume I’ve earned it.
3. I Learned About My Ancestors’ History in School
I can tell you all about Louis XIV, Socrates, and the Magna Carta, but I always wondered when we would finally learn about African history (beyond Pharaohs and pyramids). The subject never came up.
4. I Can Lose My Temper in Traffic
Once, an acquaintance who got into a confrontation while driving told me how scared she was of the other driver, describing him as a “? guy.” When I get heated, no one attributes it to my race.
5. I Can Loiter in Wealthy Neighborhoods
No one has ever called the cops on me to report a “suspicious person.” My wife can’t say the same.
STORY: Words You Should Always Say to Your Kids
6. I Can Complain About Racism
When I point out that black people are incarcerated at alarming rates, or largely forced to send their children to underperforming schools, or face systemic discrimination when searching for jobs and housing, no one accuses me of “playing the race card.”
7. I Can Count on Being Met on My Own Terms
If I’m being treated poorly, I don’t stop and think about whether it’s due to my race. But unless we somehow make a giant leap forward, my son will always have to wonder.
Recently, I became a father for the second time. My daughter, only three months old, will grow up to face many of the same challenges as my son, on top of the extra ones that come with being a woman: the struggle for equal pay, the catcalling, the constant threat of sexual assault.
I don’t want to give my children a complex about all of this, but I can’t wish these problems away, either. I can’t eliminate all the unfair hurdles that exist in the world. I can only do my best to raise kids who are able to jump over them.
Comments
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if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
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Writer..
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Dude writing novels on feelings
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More than likely a troll column meant to generate dialogue.
Realistic scenario, but fictional story. -
t/s is a sellout
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? that ?
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if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
No, but that's a point he made himself. He acknowledged that he's only able to see a lot of the injustice because he fears for what his kids will have to endure.
I think a lot of people underestimate how big a role ignorance plays in racism. Most of ya'll just chalk it up to White people being evil, and some of them are. But for the most part, most of them just don't understand racism and don't care to. They don't have to care, after all, it doesn't affect them. There are a lot of white people out there who would probably change their tunes if they were put in a set of circumstances that would force them to see reality. However, very few of them will ever be in that kind of position. Then again there are plenty racist to the bone crackas out there, whatever. -
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Good post... His daughter will have less problems than his son though.
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if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
If "if" was a fifth would you ? Wendy Williams raw? -
.. I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin ..
I'm really hoping the title of that article was meant to garner attention; Otherwise, while this parent may recognize the injustices Black people face, wishing his children could avoid those issues by "staying White" as opposed to fighting to neutralize racism means this man is still part of the problem.. -
interesting
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.. I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin ..
I'm really hoping the title of that article was meant to garner attention; Otherwise, while this parent may recognize the injustices Black people face, wishing his children could avoid those issues by "staying White" as opposed to fighting to neutralize racism means this man is still part of the problem..
You took his title a lilttle to literally.. i think that title was a grab -
.. I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin ..
I'm really hoping the title of that article was meant to garner attention; Otherwise, while this parent may recognize the injustices Black people face, wishing his children could avoid those issues by "staying White" as opposed to fighting to neutralize racism means this man is still part of the problem..
It was to garner attention. -
Common Knowledge for us Black folk. Too Bad he didn't write this article before he nutted in some black ? .
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This man speaks truth
http://youtu.be/J3Xe1kX7Wsc
...but after reading Behold a Pale Horse, him being a Jew makes sense....
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The Lonious Monk wrote: »if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
No, but that's a point he made himself. He acknowledged that he's only able to see a lot of the injustice because he fears for what his kids will have to endure.
I think a lot of people underestimate how big a role ignorance plays in racism. Most of ya'll just chalk it up to White people being evil, and some of them are. But for the most part, most of them just don't understand racism and don't care to. They don't have to care, after all, it doesn't affect them. There are a lot of white people out there who would probably change their tunes if they were put in a set of circumstances that would force them to see reality. However, very few of them will ever be in that kind of position. Then again there are plenty racist to the bone crackas out there, whatever.
I think denial makes up a big portion of it as well as ignorance. Even as a white person I've tried to explain why I care about race relations to some other white people and they'll either combat what I say or just completely deny everything I say. Most of the time they immediately become defensive like I'm attacking them or calling them racist (which is weird to me). I think a lot of white people know that racism exists but I do not think a lot understand the magnitude to which it does. It's easier to sleep at night if you convince yourself that progress has been made.
Just last week I wore a shirt related to Mike Brown and a white girl asked me why I wore the shirt and said that she would want to support the cause but is scared what (white) people will think/say to her. I said "I believe in the cause and am open to discussing it with people that approach me. The shirt brings about awareness. You're scared to be judged for a shirt that you can take off, now imagine if it were your skin you were being judged on." Thought she was about to cry. She obviously didn't understand the magnitude and by walking away it said to me that she didn't really want to realize it. White guilt? Idk.
Real ? peckerwood -
I get what he meant but why the ? does he consider Socrates/louis the 14th and the magna carta his ancestory/background? Do whites in murica consider all European history as part of their ancestory lol?
you wont hear a dutchman claiming french/english/greek etc history as their ancestory and vice versa. ? doesnt make any sense.
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The Lonious Monk wrote: »if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
No, but that's a point he made himself. He acknowledged that he's only able to see a lot of the injustice because he fears for what his kids will have to endure.
I think a lot of people underestimate how big a role ignorance plays in racism. Most of ya'll just chalk it up to White people being evil, and some of them are. But for the most part, most of them just don't understand racism and don't care to. They don't have to care, after all, it doesn't affect them. There are a lot of white people out there who would probably change their tunes if they were put in a set of circumstances that would force them to see reality. However, very few of them will ever be in that kind of position. Then again there are plenty racist to the bone crackas out there, whatever.
I think denial makes up a big portion of it as well as ignorance. Even as a white person I've tried to explain why I care about race relations to some other white people and they'll either combat what I say or just completely deny everything I say. Most of the time they immediately become defensive like I'm attacking them or calling them racist (which is weird to me). I think a lot of white people know that racism exists but I do not think a lot understand the magnitude to which it does. It's easier to sleep at night if you convince yourself that progress has been made.
Just last week I wore a shirt related to Mike Brown and a white girl asked me why I wore the shirt and said that she would want to support the cause but is scared what (white) people will think/say to her. I said "I believe in the cause and am open to discussing it with people that approach me. The shirt brings about awareness. You're scared to be judged for a shirt that you can take off, now imagine if it were your skin you were being judged on." Thought she was about to cry. She obviously didn't understand the magnitude and by walking away it said to me that she didn't really want to realize it. White guilt? Idk.
I think it's funny how anytime a white person even acknowledges racism, they get accused of kissing up to Blacks. Why would any white person kiss up to Blacks? What in the world would that get you in this country? -
The Lonious Monk wrote: »if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
No, but that's a point he made himself. He acknowledged that he's only able to see a lot of the injustice because he fears for what his kids will have to endure.
I think a lot of people underestimate how big a role ignorance plays in racism. Most of ya'll just chalk it up to White people being evil, and some of them are. But for the most part, most of them just don't understand racism and don't care to. They don't have to care, after all, it doesn't affect them. There are a lot of white people out there who would probably change their tunes if they were put in a set of circumstances that would force them to see reality. However, very few of them will ever be in that kind of position. Then again there are plenty racist to the bone crackas out there, whatever.
I think denial makes up a big portion of it as well as ignorance. Even as a white person I've tried to explain why I care about race relations to some other white people and they'll either combat what I say or just completely deny everything I say. Most of the time they immediately become defensive like I'm attacking them or calling them racist (which is weird to me). I think a lot of white people know that racism exists but I do not think a lot understand the magnitude to which it does. It's easier to sleep at night if you convince yourself that progress has been made.
Just last week I wore a shirt related to Mike Brown and a white girl asked me why I wore the shirt and said that she would want to support the cause but is scared what (white) people will think/say to her. I said "I believe in the cause and am open to discussing it with people that approach me. The shirt brings about awareness. You're scared to be judged for a shirt that you can take off, now imagine if it were your skin you were being judged on." Thought she was about to cry. She obviously didn't understand the magnitude and by walking away it said to me that she didn't really want to realize it. White guilt? Idk.
good post, but it loses credibility cause your white.
lol -
I read this the other day, it was interesting seeing his new view on the world, sad though that he still has a long way to go
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I don't buy the ignorance theory. The denial theory makes more sense.
The 'black people deserve it' theory combined with the 'they don't want to be ostracized' theory makes even more sense.The Lonious Monk wrote: »if his son wasnt black would he even think lke this?
No, but that's a point he made himself. He acknowledged that he's only able to see a lot of the injustice because he fears for what his kids will have to endure.
I think a lot of people underestimate how big a role ignorance plays in racism. Most of ya'll just chalk it up to White people being evil, and some of them are. But for the most part, most of them just don't understand racism and don't care to. They don't have to care, after all, it doesn't affect them. There are a lot of white people out there who would probably change their tunes if they were put in a set of circumstances that would force them to see reality. However, very few of them will ever be in that kind of position. Then again there are plenty racist to the bone crackas out there, whatever.
I think denial makes up a big portion of it as well as ignorance. Even as a white person I've tried to explain why I care about race relations to some other white people and they'll either combat what I say or just completely deny everything I say. Most of the time they immediately become defensive like I'm attacking them or calling them racist (which is weird to me). I think a lot of white people know that racism exists but I do not think a lot understand the magnitude to which it does. It's easier to sleep at night if you convince yourself that progress has been made.
Just last week I wore a shirt related to Mike Brown and a white girl asked me why I wore the shirt and said that she would want to support the cause but is scared what (white) people will think/say to her. I said "I believe in the cause and am open to discussing it with people that approach me. The shirt brings about awareness. You're scared to be judged for a shirt that you can take off, now imagine if it were your skin you were being judged on." Thought she was about to cry. She obviously didn't understand the magnitude and by walking away it said to me that she didn't really want to realize it. White guilt? Idk.
See she knows that generally speaking showing solidarity with blacks is something that puts her at risk of ostracization.
Most white people either think that black people deserve to be discriminated against (even if they don't think of that discrimination as racist) or they know that being associated with us/showing solidarity with us is something that will negatively affect their standing in the white community. At least, that's what my current thinking on the issue now suggests to me.
On a related note, could it be time to revive my thread about what explains white racism? -
I get what he meant but why the ? does he consider Socrates/louis the 14th and the magna carta his ancestory/background? Do whites in murica consider all European history as part of their ancestory lol?
you wont hear a dutchman claiming french/english/greek etc history as their ancestory and vice versa. ? doesnt make any sense.
its funny you say this. reminded me of a story..
i was some dam where and the person was speaking i what sounded like an african tongue. a white guy looks over to me and asked me what is he saying.....i looked at him as said i dont ? know, do i look african?
he didnt know what the fukk to say....? was funny as hell -
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/7-things-i-can-do-that-my-black-son-cant-99408985077.html
In the days after the Michael Brown shooting, I wrote an essay titled“I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin. The upshot: America, to its shame, is still a place where black males are feared, and I don’t want that fear to turn itself on my son in a way that leads to his arrest or death.
I published the piece on Ebony.com, and the reactions from black readers ranged from “sad but true” to allegations that I myself was engaging in the very racism and colorism that I was decrying. But buried among these was a comment from a white reader who accused me of “sucking up to black folk” and then went on to list the supposed advantages of being black in America. (Apparently, according to this reader, my son will have an unearned fast track to a career as an air traffic controller. Um, okay?)
STORY: Inside Look at ‘Marcel the Shell’
I can’t help but think that, if the essay had been published in an outlet with a larger white readership, many more commenters would have chimed in to deny the continued existence of racism. In my experience, white people (and straight people, and male people, and Christian people — all groups of which I’m a member) tend to dismiss the notion that we’re privileged. It’s an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you’re the recipient of unfair benefits, especially when those benefits are often nearly invisible to those who receive them.
But when you’re a parent, those privileges stop being invisible. It’s the reason why male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support women’s issues. It’s the reason why Ohio Sen. Rob Portman suddenly declared his support for same-sex marriage after his son came out as ? . And it’s the reason why, everywhere I look, I see hassles that my son will have to face that I don’t. Here’s a partial list of things I can take for granted, but which will likely be problematic for my son:
1. I Can Walk Through a Store Without Being Followed
To take one high-profile instance, Macy’s and the city of New York recently settled with actor Robert Brown, who was handcuffed, humiliated, and accused of committing credit card fraud after buying an expensive watch at the store.
I never have to worry about this happening to me.
2. I Can Succeed Without It Being Attributed to My Race
When my wife, who is black, received her acceptance letter from Boston College, a peer told her she must have gotten in due to affirmative action, effectively ruining the experience of receiving the letter.
PHOTOS: Healthy Foods Your Kids Will Actually Eat
When I succeed, people assume I’ve earned it.
3. I Learned About My Ancestors’ History in School
I can tell you all about Louis XIV, Socrates, and the Magna Carta, but I always wondered when we would finally learn about African history (beyond Pharaohs and pyramids). The subject never came up.
4. I Can Lose My Temper in Traffic
Once, an acquaintance who got into a confrontation while driving told me how scared she was of the other driver, describing him as a “? guy.” When I get heated, no one attributes it to my race.
5. I Can Loiter in Wealthy Neighborhoods
No one has ever called the cops on me to report a “suspicious person.” My wife can’t say the same.
STORY: Words You Should Always Say to Your Kids
6. I Can Complain About Racism
When I point out that black people are incarcerated at alarming rates, or largely forced to send their children to underperforming schools, or face systemic discrimination when searching for jobs and housing, no one accuses me of “playing the race card.”
7. I Can Count on Being Met on My Own Terms
If I’m being treated poorly, I don’t stop and think about whether it’s due to my race. But unless we somehow make a giant leap forward, my son will always have to wonder.
Recently, I became a father for the second time. My daughter, only three months old, will grow up to face many of the same challenges as my son, on top of the extra ones that come with being a woman: the struggle for equal pay, the catcalling, the constant threat of sexual assault.
I don’t want to give my children a complex about all of this, but I can’t wish these problems away, either. I can’t eliminate all the unfair hurdles that exist in the world. I can only do my best to raise kids who are able to jump over them.
Ummmmm your son isn't white now and will probably not look white the older he gets.
