Ladies, please help Conflict come to terms with his homosexuality

We all get that sense of our own mortality sooner or later. Some people say it's all how you deal with your last days. Others go bat ? just to forget. Today i witnessed my mortality. Today i begin wondering exactly how and when i am going to die. How i prefer to die and how i expect to die are two completely different things. On one hand, a very old man, preferably before i lose control of my bowel movements permanently cause who wants to live with that ? , laying in my bed nice and warm, pass in my sleep comfortably. How i think I'll go, that's my biggest fear. I always think of a freak accident like my head getting chopped off or falling into helicopter blades, or stabbed many times, or my neck being sliced, or bleeding out, or explosion. I don't want my head cut off or thrown into helicopter blades. Everything else I can deal with, but not that. I can not imagine a worse type of hell than spending 30 seconds as a bodyless head lying on the floor blinking for help. That's the one and only situation where 30 seconds turn into 30 years. I'm not exactly a fan of being thrown into helicopter blades either. I'm not sure how instant that death is. I don't want to feel anything being chopped sueyed off. Sounds like it hurts. One time in high school, i fought this big tall ? over a white girls lunch and I am not ashamed to admit I got my ass kicked. It wasn't too pleasant either, that big tall ? had hands of stone. You know that scene in Avengers where Hulk throws Loki around like a ? rag doll? That's how my face felt during and after that fight. I actually forget when and how but we actually became friends not too long after that. I think he was ? . But anyway, the point is, I don't want to be thrown into helicopter blades. Seems like a ? up way to die. The time is 1:17 AM. I can't sleep for ? . Unfortunately, I am used to going on 2 or 3 hours sleep. Even when i try to get a full 8 hours, I end up like this. Awake in bed. Bored and ? out my mind. This is gonna ? me one day, but whatever. That day comes for everyone when we cannot dodge anymore bullets.