cheating while married...let's talk.
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Comments
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Can we at least acknowledge the difference between wanting someone else and actually cheating? I keep reading about "feeling unfulfilled" and "lacking something" but those are reasons why someone is feeling a certain way. Actually going and acting on that mentality is a whole different ballgame and there is no excuse for the actual cheating.
Other than being weak in your flesh, I'll agree with that. -
[/quote]Other than being weak in your flesh, I'll agree with that.[/quote]
From a technical standpoint, I can see your point but I still take that as an excuse. There's never a reason to cheat. If you want someone else, break up with me.
You're risking your marriage, family, and health. ? , the health of both of us. Nah, no way. If you make a commitment, keep it or get out of it in a proper manner.
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please excuse the weak quote game
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Ehhh..I don't agree personally, but you're definitely not alone in your opinion.
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**Disclaimer: Cheaters ain't ? and I don't condone cheating at all**
With that out the way, sometimes, you're in the awkward space where you ain't completely satisfied, but not to the point where it warrants leaving. And after talking to your s/o about it, nothing changes. I think that's another area where ppl get caught up. Trying to make up that other 20% assuming they got a good 80/20 relationship going on.
I ain't sayin it's right so don't shoot the messenger ? -
Disagree that being weak is not an excuse or disagree that there may be a reason to cheat?
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Disagree that being weak is not an excuse or disagree that there may be a reason to cheat?
I disagree that it automatically warrants ending a marriage. -
Oh, I didn't say it's an automatic ending...it's risking ending it.
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Bklyn's_OX_KING wrote: »
.
.
.
support polygamy
.
.
.
Not enough women for that. -
for me to cheat on some affair ? , the ? would have to be a 8.5, married, funny, and intelligent
guess who doesnt have affairs..... -
ShiveDreadz wrote: »Damn this is a real ass thread, bravo IC yall keeping t grown and sexy in here.
That "keeping yourself out of compromising situations" is the best advice you can give to someone struggling with fidelity...because trust we are animals when its all said and done and youd ve surprised how fast that social conditioning goes out the window and that animal takes over.
I take pride in my discipline...there are just some things i wont do and cheating is one of them.
My wife cheated in the second year of our marriage, we seperated for like 2 months and i wanted out but after some reflecting and seeing how she was genuinely sorry i gave it another chance.
We just made 5 years and im still learning every day gonna just stick it out for now. Things are amazing.
Keep it classy IC im proud of yall.
Not sure if it's all ready been asked, but how do you get that trust back? Is it and will it be the same, trust?
As someone already stated, you never get that "fairy tale" feeling back after someone has gone astray. But when you really love someone its hard as hell to close the door in their face while they are out in the rain (no chi). She would call me almost every day just crying and ? and eventually i just reflected and realized that i hadn't exactly been the man i though i was.
Decided to give it another chance and so far its worked in my favor.
To keep it 100% though where i live the pickings of even average quality women are slim, i did some messing while separated and was highly disappointed. I ran around so much while i was in my late teens that single/nightlife ? just aint for me anymore. -
LysolJenkins wrote: »darkone360 wrote: »
C'mon brotha. You can't leave us wit a cliffhanger. Speak on it.
++++++PROBABLE SELF ETHER ON DECK++++++
so i start messing with the married chick when i was separated and she was on the fast track to replace her husband. i knew i wasnt in a place where i wanted to go from my wife to another steady chick and i TOLD her that but a woman with her mind made up aint hearing that ? .
im really just ? with the new chick because its boosting my ego. shes smart af, makes real good money, plays poker and loves football so for me its a outlet for some female attention without having to spend bread (she has her own ) or really worry about her blowing up my spot because shes married too and seems to have decent sensibility as a college grad with a corporate gig
first time we met for lunch it was a little awkward but it was cool. second time we met for lunch she shows up about 45 min late.i brought my little man as a cop out juuuuust in case shes trying to push things too far. shorty didnt care tho. i met her at the food court in the mall thinkin if we get spotted its easy to explain ..blahzay blah.
chick pulled this ? like " prolly kinda wierd but my homegirl is stayin at the so and so...would you mind coming up with me to pick up this box shes been holding. i just need to get it down to my car. " i say cool and go upstairs with her and theres nobody there. chick got a hotel room adjacent to the mall and the ? had two rooms in it. one had toys and snacks for my kid... the other had a bottle of remy vsop and some slow jams. the suite had a kitchenette so she baked desert and had a movie playing in the living room area. chick is like "i know you work overnight and you have your little man so often i thought i could give you a day off to chill. if you want we can hang out here but if you're up for it you can go do whatever you wanna do and ill watch your son...we can just link before you have to get him back to your wife tonight"
ive got a job where i work 24 hour shifts so somedays i get off and im exhausted at 630a but I was keeping my son at home with me on weekdays. the fact that she was considerate of me was appreciated because my wife often wasnt. nonetheless i couldnt concieve leaving my kid with a perpetual stranger so although its an obvious set up and i DONT want to smash its apparent she put a lot of work/thought into looking out for me so i chilled for a while.
after a couple of hours my kid is dozing off and she puts him in the other room. when she comes back shes got glasses poured and some clothes missing. without giving details that day opened pandoras box.
we hungout and traveled for the 3 or 4 months i was separated from my wife. she was gifting me clothes. trying to buy my son stuff ( i refused 90% of it because i didnt want her trying to hold ? over my head. didnt think she would but you never know) .
after about 8-9 weeks into messing around shes telling her husband hes got to ? . this ? was REALLY a good dude. he was home watching two kids that werent his (her daughter and a daughter she adopted) while she went out of town with her "girls" twice a month. she had been doin that since before she met me and this dude was buying it. i guess he was willing to take that hit being that she was decent looking and made good money. her beef with him was that he wasnt spontaneous. he didnt cheat. didnt mismanage money. didnt abuse her or anything listed by some of you....she just felt he was boring and she wasnt intrigued by him any more. to me these are flags that shes not really capable of being with anyone long term. she would go home and tell him he aint ? and that he had 90 days to find living accomdations.
i tried to be a voice of reason because i saw the future ( me not being with her and her feeling like she ? and fell back in it). told her that she didnt have to be with him but not to do him ? because he was a good dude and she was already ? around. she said she couldnt be soft about it or he wouldnt go.
fast forward and after 4 months of push and pull i reconcile with my wife. i told my side chick because i didnt want to deal with lies and sneaking and ? . shes telling me she left her husband for me and she feels dumb. she doesnt understand why im going home and feels i had to be home with my wife the whole time. im like naah,thats probably something you'll never understand ill just see you when i come thru the poker spot.
sure enough i see her in there and she got misc guys with her. whenever shes dolo shes talking ? about me. one night she got real ? up drinking crown and me and another guy dropped her home because she lived close.
i know you gotta be saying 'why help her at ALL!?' tbh she wasnt a bad person overall. i just couldnt be with her.
other than that i kept my distance for a while UNTIL one day i got a call from a friend of hers. the friend says chick is in the hospital with heart problems and is going under the knife. she has a 30% chance of survival. kinda ? me up. I called the hospital just to see how she is and she doesnt want to talk. a week or two later she gets home and calls saying that i aint ? and i was never a friend. im like "cool...you right. glad to know you're well... ill holla" she goes off about how shes gonna tell me wife and that i better tell her everything because shes going to come by for a meeting.
apparently chick was an election chair. she went on line and found my marriage cert to get my wifes govt name. got her number off my phone one time when we were out of town together (she swears the phone rang and she copied the number off the display. had to be something like that because i keep my ? locked). she had my wifes voting history, lic plate number , work phone + address.
my wife got letters on the door when i was at work over night. a note or two on her car. and phone calls that she ignored initially but theres only so much somebody can hear before they inquire about the source. i finally came clean because my mistress wasnt sounding stable. i also had to file an order of protection to keep my wife and son covered in case i wasnt around.
even after the order was issued she sends a child to my door while im at work. the child hands my wife a letter with a detailed account of any slander i ever stated about my marriage. my wife tells the cops and they investigate her on child endangerment because she may be involving her children in a domestic dispute.
things got unnecessarily nasty real fast.
the irony of it is all of this is i saw the side piece a year after all the ? and shes asking me to keep in touch. i started to walk off but i just got a new car and didnt want her seeing my ride. so i entertained her convo hoping she would be like "aight later".... she talked for 45 min then said "hey wheres your car?...did you get a new one?!" i never confirmed. i told her not to call me. not to text me....not to contact my wife. she said 'you still mad?' i said "nope. we just dont have anything to discuss." i strolled off into the darkness away from my car waiting for her to disappear.
a hour later she calls saying she just hit a family while trying to go home. she was drinking a lot that night too. only thing i could say was ' dont get too close to pd when they show up...you got alch on your breath'. .....it couldve been legit or a ploy to draw me in...ill never know
Biiiiiiitccchhh -
LysolJenkins wrote: »darkone360 wrote: »
C'mon brotha. You can't leave us wit a cliffhanger. Speak on it.
++++++PROBABLE SELF ETHER ON DECK++++++
so i start messing with the married chick when i was separated and she was on the fast track to replace her husband. i knew i wasnt in a place where i wanted to go from my wife to another steady chick and i TOLD her that but a woman with her mind made up aint hearing that ? .
im really just ? with the new chick because its boosting my ego. shes smart af, makes real good money, plays poker and loves football so for me its a outlet for some female attention without having to spend bread (she has her own ) or really worry about her blowing up my spot because shes married too and seems to have decent sensibility as a college grad with a corporate gig
first time we met for lunch it was a little awkward but it was cool. second time we met for lunch she shows up about 45 min late.i brought my little man as a cop out juuuuust in case shes trying to push things too far. shorty didnt care tho. i met her at the food court in the mall thinkin if we get spotted its easy to explain ..blahzay blah.
chick pulled this ? like " prolly kinda wierd but my homegirl is stayin at the so and so...would you mind coming up with me to pick up this box shes been holding. i just need to get it down to my car. " i say cool and go upstairs with her and theres nobody there. chick got a hotel room adjacent to the mall and the ? had two rooms in it. one had toys and snacks for my kid... the other had a bottle of remy vsop and some slow jams. the suite had a kitchenette so she baked desert and had a movie playing in the living room area. chick is like "i know you work overnight and you have your little man so often i thought i could give you a day off to chill. if you want we can hang out here but if you're up for it you can go do whatever you wanna do and ill watch your son...we can just link before you have to get him back to your wife tonight"
ive got a job where i work 24 hour shifts so somedays i get off and im exhausted at 630a but I was keeping my son at home with me on weekdays. the fact that she was considerate of me was appreciated because my wife often wasnt. nonetheless i couldnt concieve leaving my kid with a perpetual stranger so although its an obvious set up and i DONT want to smash its apparent she put a lot of work/thought into looking out for me so i chilled for a while.
after a couple of hours my kid is dozing off and she puts him in the other room. when she comes back shes got glasses poured and some clothes missing. without giving details that day opened pandoras box.
we hungout and traveled for the 3 or 4 months i was separated from my wife. she was gifting me clothes. trying to buy my son stuff ( i refused 90% of it because i didnt want her trying to hold ? over my head. didnt think she would but you never know) .
after about 8-9 weeks into messing around shes telling her husband hes got to ? . this ? was REALLY a good dude. he was home watching two kids that werent his (her daughter and a daughter she adopted) while she went out of town with her "girls" twice a month. she had been doin that since before she met me and this dude was buying it. i guess he was willing to take that hit being that she was decent looking and made good money. her beef with him was that he wasnt spontaneous. he didnt cheat. didnt mismanage money. didnt abuse her or anything listed by some of you....she just felt he was boring and she wasnt intrigued by him any more. to me these are flags that shes not really capable of being with anyone long term. she would go home and tell him he aint ? and that he had 90 days to find living accomdations.
i tried to be a voice of reason because i saw the future ( me not being with her and her feeling like she ? and fell back in it). told her that she didnt have to be with him but not to do him ? because he was a good dude and she was already ? around. she said she couldnt be soft about it or he wouldnt go.
fast forward and after 4 months of push and pull i reconcile with my wife. i told my side chick because i didnt want to deal with lies and sneaking and ? . shes telling me she left her husband for me and she feels dumb. she doesnt understand why im going home and feels i had to be home with my wife the whole time. im like naah,thats probably something you'll never understand ill just see you when i come thru the poker spot.
sure enough i see her in there and she got misc guys with her. whenever shes dolo shes talking ? about me. one night she got real ? up drinking crown and me and another guy dropped her home because she lived close.
i know you gotta be saying 'why help her at ALL!?' tbh she wasnt a bad person overall. i just couldnt be with her.
other than that i kept my distance for a while UNTIL one day i got a call from a friend of hers. the friend says chick is in the hospital with heart problems and is going under the knife. she has a 30% chance of survival. kinda ? me up. I called the hospital just to see how she is and she doesnt want to talk. a week or two later she gets home and calls saying that i aint ? and i was never a friend. im like "cool...you right. glad to know you're well... ill holla" she goes off about how shes gonna tell me wife and that i better tell her everything because shes going to come by for a meeting.
apparently chick was an election chair. she went on line and found my marriage cert to get my wifes govt name. got her number off my phone one time when we were out of town together (she swears the phone rang and she copied the number off the display. had to be something like that because i keep my ? locked). she had my wifes voting history, lic plate number , work phone + address.
my wife got letters on the door when i was at work over night. a note or two on her car. and phone calls that she ignored initially but theres only so much somebody can hear before they inquire about the source. i finally came clean because my mistress wasnt sounding stable. i also had to file an order of protection to keep my wife and son covered in case i wasnt around.
even after the order was issued she sends a child to my door while im at work. the child hands my wife a letter with a detailed account of any slander i ever stated about my marriage. my wife tells the cops and they investigate her on child endangerment because she may be involving her children in a domestic dispute.
things got unnecessarily nasty real fast.
the irony of it is all of this is i saw the side piece a year after all the ? and shes asking me to keep in touch. i started to walk off but i just got a new car and didnt want her seeing my ride. so i entertained her convo hoping she would be like "aight later".... she talked for 45 min then said "hey wheres your car?...did you get a new one?!" i never confirmed. i told her not to call me. not to text me....not to contact my wife. she said 'you still mad?' i said "nope. we just dont have anything to discuss." i strolled off into the darkness away from my car waiting for her to disappear.
a hour later she calls saying she just hit a family while trying to go home. she was drinking a lot that night too. only thing i could say was ' dont get too close to pd when they show up...you got alch on your breath'. .....it couldve been legit or a ploy to draw me in...ill never know
Biiiiiiitccchhh
Who ever he talkin bout is one weird ass thirsty ass ? -
Hahaha wow at that "deadeye" story. This IC ? is real
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Bro, you took your son to go meet your jumpoff. Let that sink in.
Peace. -
LysolJenkins wrote: »darkone360 wrote: »
C'mon brotha. You can't leave us wit a cliffhanger. Speak on it.
++++++PROBABLE SELF ETHER ON DECK++++++
so i start messing with the married chick when i was separated and she was on the fast track to replace her husband. i knew i wasnt in a place where i wanted to go from my wife to another steady chick and i TOLD her that but a woman with her mind made up aint hearing that ? .
im really just ? with the new chick because its boosting my ego. shes smart af, makes real good money, plays poker and loves football so for me its a outlet for some female attention without having to spend bread (she has her own ) or really worry about her blowing up my spot because shes married too and seems to have decent sensibility as a college grad with a corporate gig
first time we met for lunch it was a little awkward but it was cool. second time we met for lunch she shows up about 45 min late.i brought my little man as a cop out juuuuust in case shes trying to push things too far. shorty didnt care tho. i met her at the food court in the mall thinkin if we get spotted its easy to explain ..blahzay blah.
chick pulled this ? like " prolly kinda wierd but my homegirl is stayin at the so and so...would you mind coming up with me to pick up this box shes been holding. i just need to get it down to my car. " i say cool and go upstairs with her and theres nobody there. chick got a hotel room adjacent to the mall and the ? had two rooms in it. one had toys and snacks for my kid... the other had a bottle of remy vsop and some slow jams. the suite had a kitchenette so she baked desert and had a movie playing in the living room area. chick is like "i know you work overnight and you have your little man so often i thought i could give you a day off to chill. if you want we can hang out here but if you're up for it you can go do whatever you wanna do and ill watch your son...we can just link before you have to get him back to your wife tonight"
ive got a job where i work 24 hour shifts so somedays i get off and im exhausted at 630a but I was keeping my son at home with me on weekdays. the fact that she was considerate of me was appreciated because my wife often wasnt. nonetheless i couldnt concieve leaving my kid with a perpetual stranger so although its an obvious set up and i DONT want to smash its apparent she put a lot of work/thought into looking out for me so i chilled for a while.
after a couple of hours my kid is dozing off and she puts him in the other room. when she comes back shes got glasses poured and some clothes missing. without giving details that day opened pandoras box.
we hungout and traveled for the 3 or 4 months i was separated from my wife. she was gifting me clothes. trying to buy my son stuff ( i refused 90% of it because i didnt want her trying to hold ? over my head. didnt think she would but you never know) .
after about 8-9 weeks into messing around shes telling her husband hes got to ? . this ? was REALLY a good dude. he was home watching two kids that werent his (her daughter and a daughter she adopted) while she went out of town with her "girls" twice a month. she had been doin that since before she met me and this dude was buying it. i guess he was willing to take that hit being that she was decent looking and made good money. her beef with him was that he wasnt spontaneous. he didnt cheat. didnt mismanage money. didnt abuse her or anything listed by some of you....she just felt he was boring and she wasnt intrigued by him any more. to me these are flags that shes not really capable of being with anyone long term. she would go home and tell him he aint ? and that he had 90 days to find living accomdations.
i tried to be a voice of reason because i saw the future ( me not being with her and her feeling like she ? and fell back in it). told her that she didnt have to be with him but not to do him ? because he was a good dude and she was already ? around. she said she couldnt be soft about it or he wouldnt go.
fast forward and after 4 months of push and pull i reconcile with my wife. i told my side chick because i didnt want to deal with lies and sneaking and ? . shes telling me she left her husband for me and she feels dumb. she doesnt understand why im going home and feels i had to be home with my wife the whole time. im like naah,thats probably something you'll never understand ill just see you when i come thru the poker spot.
sure enough i see her in there and she got misc guys with her. whenever shes dolo shes talking ? about me. one night she got real ? up drinking crown and me and another guy dropped her home because she lived close.
i know you gotta be saying 'why help her at ALL!?' tbh she wasnt a bad person overall. i just couldnt be with her.
other than that i kept my distance for a while UNTIL one day i got a call from a friend of hers. the friend says chick is in the hospital with heart problems and is going under the knife. she has a 30% chance of survival. kinda ? me up. I called the hospital just to see how she is and she doesnt want to talk. a week or two later she gets home and calls saying that i aint ? and i was never a friend. im like "cool...you right. glad to know you're well... ill holla" she goes off about how shes gonna tell me wife and that i better tell her everything because shes going to come by for a meeting.
apparently chick was an election chair. she went on line and found my marriage cert to get my wifes govt name. got her number off my phone one time when we were out of town together (she swears the phone rang and she copied the number off the display. had to be something like that because i keep my ? locked). she had my wifes voting history, lic plate number , work phone + address.
my wife got letters on the door when i was at work over night. a note or two on her car. and phone calls that she ignored initially but theres only so much somebody can hear before they inquire about the source. i finally came clean because my mistress wasnt sounding stable. i also had to file an order of protection to keep my wife and son covered in case i wasnt around.
even after the order was issued she sends a child to my door while im at work. the child hands my wife a letter with a detailed account of any slander i ever stated about my marriage. my wife tells the cops and they investigate her on child endangerment because she may be involving her children in a domestic dispute.
things got unnecessarily nasty real fast.
the irony of it is all of this is i saw the side piece a year after all the ? and shes asking me to keep in touch. i started to walk off but i just got a new car and didnt want her seeing my ride. so i entertained her convo hoping she would be like "aight later".... she talked for 45 min then said "hey wheres your car?...did you get a new one?!" i never confirmed. i told her not to call me. not to text me....not to contact my wife. she said 'you still mad?' i said "nope. we just dont have anything to discuss." i strolled off into the darkness away from my car waiting for her to disappear.
a hour later she calls saying she just hit a family while trying to go home. she was drinking a lot that night too. only thing i could say was ' dont get too close to pd when they show up...you got alch on your breath'. .....it couldve been legit or a ploy to draw me in...ill never know
BiiiiiiitccchhhWho ever he talkin bout is one weird ass thirsty ass ?
Isn't that what's her name tho...........
WHOOOOO?!?? -
Not cheating on your wife is like eating the same chicken........Every day.
If you're girlfriend/wife was fried chicken, you would eventually get tired of it no matter how much you like/love it.
Other females represent "different flavors" with unique (personalities) flavors and "tastes".
Sometimes a man wants to try different chicken. Honey barbecue (yella-bone wit big tiddys) Teriyaki chicken (Lil Asian joint) Curry chicken (Jamaican shorty with the bomb head.)
The point is, variety is the spice of life. And nothing during our relatively short time on this planet will impede the howls of our biological urge to mate with every big ? broad that will let us. -
the dukester wrote: »Not cheating on your wife is like eating the same chicken........Every day.
If you're girlfriend/wife was fried chicken, you would eventually get tired of it no matter how much you like/love it.
Other females represent "different flavors" with unique (personalities) flavors and "tastes".
Sometimes a man wants to try different chicken. Honey barbecue (yella-bone wit big tiddys) Teriyaki chicken (Lil Asian joint) Curry chicken (Jamaican shorty with the bomb head.)
The point is, variety is the spice of life. And nothing during our relatively short time on this planet will impede the howls of our biological urge to mate with every big ? broad that will let us.
Interesting analogy.
From my perspective, I see it this way ...
1) As @DWO mentioned, from a logical standpoint the risk/reward has never netted out in my mind. Even if we put morals aside, I could never get passed that.
2) I think the uniquenchable thirst for men to have multiple partners is a cop out... Life is full of temptation
And who said sex with one woman has to be boring?
Let's use your analogy...
No one said you have to prepare the "meal" the same way each time. You can switch up the seasoning to fit your mood. You can get creative and explore new ways to "cook" that leave both parties satisfied.
Sometimes you'll want a quick bite, sometimes you need something more thought out and substantial.
If both parties communicate what they have a taste for, you'd be surprised just how versatile "chicken" can be.
What doesn't get talked about a lot is the responsibility of both partners to be honest and upfront with themselves regarding their palette, appetite, and desires ... If you crave breast meat or thighs etc; take that into consideration before committing to someone.
It's also important to remember that "Eating" is only one of your basic human needs. Others include love/companionship, security etc.
Not to mention potential desires you may have, including procreation and the fulfillment of parenthood, a lifelong bond etc
From a logical standpoint it is silly to forgoe multiple needs/desires for the temporary fulfillment of one.
Falling victim to temptation is one thing, but logically choosing and justifying this line of thinking is short sighted IMO.
All that being said, it's not always easy.
But it's definitely worth it. -
Why that sound like a crazy version of scorpio4lfe? No diss.
-
the dukester wrote: »Not cheating on your wife is like eating the same chicken........Every day.
If you're girlfriend/wife was fried chicken, you would eventually get tired of it no matter how much you like/love it.
Other females represent "different flavors" with unique (personalities) flavors and "tastes".
Sometimes a man wants to try different chicken. Honey barbecue (yella-bone wit big tiddys) Teriyaki chicken (Lil Asian joint) Curry chicken (Jamaican shorty with the bomb head.)
The point is, variety is the spice of life. And nothing during our relatively short time on this planet will impede the howls of our biological urge to mate with every big ? broad that will let us.
Long as you can handle that going both ways. -
Why that sound like a crazy version of scorpio4lfe?No diss.
Do u personally know scorpio4lfe tho? -
No, why?
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I ain't cheated since I got engaged but that probably won't last long. I'm a worse person when I'm monogamous.
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Lol @ all the goats in the OP
LOL @ 'me and my wife good"
Mfers REALLY need to listen and take heed to Chris Rock more
"You cheated now you cant trust her!? Aint that some ? ? You know why? You just gave her a 'get some ? free card'
If you eeeeever cheat on a woman, tell her, and think yall all good, you're an IDIOT. The seal on that relationship is broken i would never be able to trust HER if she overlooked it
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Damn.
Is it that difficult to notice but not touch? No reason to let an itch, which could be taken care of in different ways besides cheating, ruin a good marriage.
Some people aint ?
Some people are strong but a flurry of circumstances will water down someone's judgment severely
Like if you know your going through some ahit and your more likely to do dimb ? to make yourself happy stay home
