When they "miss" you, Do you "miss" them? really?
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Shuffington wrote: »
Lol extortion? Extort what? Reassurance? If you love them, but you don't actually miss them, but a simple yes comes out, so??? How does that create thirstiness? If you have a woman who craves that, that's just her. This isn't pavlov's dog.Shuffington wrote: »VulcanRaven wrote: »
And men do? HA!
A LOT of fragile male egos are saved by little white lies.
it is what it is, people need validation.
thats true, but the validation that you seek should not be extorted from your partner.
to me thats not sincere... that imo leads to a robotic relationship, where you're just kind of "there".
With that said, I do think as human beings we need to be more appreciative of the little things that our partners do
in general that we admire about them and verbally express it. This way our partners won't feel so obsessively thirsty for you to validate them.
The problem is that " SOME PEOPLE " want a very specific kind of validation.
"Is this the best ? you ever had?" - "Nah"
Does that work?
OK... I see that we have 2 different ideas about what validation means.... lol... and yes it is extortion.
but hey... if you want a dude to lie to you all the time... cool...
for me, I'm against lying, big or small, mainly because I'm terrible at it. but I'm not for disrespect either.... thats what it boils down to.
I don't like lies at all, not asking for them for ME. EYE don't like fakeass compliments or feelings, but it doesn't need to be a philosophical debacle over something so minor. I know when a ? ego needs to be stroked, and making him happy will make me happy. Win/win. I don't look at myself in the mirror and hate myself over making someone i love happy. If it doesn't hurt me, i don't see the problem.great quote... in my experience ... you don't have to ask that question .... they blurt that sh*t out... or just stare at you when you aint looking.
I didn't say you had to ask, but if one does, should only the truth be told?
Well, for some of us... it hurts to be dishonest.... that doesn't mean we have to be disrespectful about telling the truth... per my original post, the goal should be to big you up in other ways, from the heart ... at your own discretion.
Acknowledge what your S/o does that makes you happy and express it verbally.
Sporadic reassurance from your mate is much more encouraging than .... extorted reassurance.... because eventually the person doing the extorting will pick up on the emptiness of your gesture.
To your last point ....Listen.. if your'e lying about my d*ck game . ... it will only be bad for you in the long run...lol
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When I have the house to myself -
lunch ? in this thread taking notes
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my ? Irony hard on feelings
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Tell her straight up " B*tch, get a grip... ima be home in a few days"Worrying bout a damn "i miss you".
It aint that deep, but she gotta hear it, you should lie. More proof these women are just grown children. Gotta lie to them bout ? like kids about santa clause.
Ive got no problem reading from that part of the book, but i try to give ladies more credit than that. -
my ? Irony hard on feelings
not even.
all im saying is that i question the legitimacy of when people say that especially if its only been like an hour since last seeing said person. to me, it seems like a full of ? thing to say...a thing to say JUST to say it.
yall act like the things i've said (and they are VERY specific things) are outrageous. -
we need to merge the pros and cons of marraige thread with this thread and the dating ideas thread.
y'all ? sound worse than chicks an wonder why y'all get treated like over masculine compensating ? -
HarlemThumzUp wrote: »I be too busy tryin to kicc it for the arguing ? just say I miss you cant wait to see you then hang up the fuccin phone. Last thing you want is to have a argument on the brain and tryin to party that ? is WOAT.
lol yup tell her u love her so u can can go cheat in peace ..... -
Tell her straight up " B*tch, get a grip... ima be home in a few days"Back in the day. I was always lying to a ? . "Your hair looks fine" "i missed you" "i love you" "can't wait to see you"
But i was lying. Her hair was trash, i didn't think about her once i only storta kinda like you and i could honestly go a whole week maybe two before i need to see your face again.
Why was i lying? Because females are ? terrorists. They always threatening to cut off ? if you don't give in to their demands of constant validation. ? out here miserable. ? are forced to lie to a ? , to keep her from shooting the ? in the head. This how miserable females are as a creature. Deep down they know that the majority of them are only tolerable because of ? . Not because they tell cool stories, are good at games, good drinking buddies, ? . The possibility of ? . So a ? will be in a relationship with her finger on the button. ? running around scared. Or they running around doing all this extra ? to get access to the same lackluster ? and mediocre head.
And the crazy part about it.
The craziest part. She thinks you're a ? because you lie. She doesn't value truth nor respect what you think. All this extra ? you do to keep her fat, rat hair weave wearing ass happy, she let's a ? that calls her "? " hit for free, raw.
Truth is the power you have as a man. You lie, you live a hoe's existence. -
Back in the day. I was always lying to a ? . "Your hair looks fine" "i missed you" "i love you" "can't wait to see you"
But i was lying. Her hair was trash, i didn't think about her once i only storta kinda like you and i could honestly go a whole week maybe two before i need to see your face again.
Why was i lying? Because females are ? terrorists. They always threatening to cut off ? if you don't give in to their demands of constant validation. ? out here miserable. ? are forced to lie to a ? , to keep her from shooting the ? in the head. This how miserable females are as a creature. Deep down they know that the majority of them are only tolerable because of ? . Not because they tell cool stories, are good at games, good drinking buddies, ? . The possibility of ? . So a ? will be in a relationship with her finger on the button. ? running around scared. Or they running around doing all this extra ? to get access to the same lackluster ? and mediocre head.
And the crazy part about it.
The craziest part. She thinks you're a ? because you lie. She doesn't value truth nor respect what you think. All this extra ? you do to keep her fat, rat hair weave wearing ass happy, she let's a ? that calls her "? " hit for free, raw.
Truth is the power you have as a man. You lie, you live a hoe's existence.
It's crazy, but kinda true. You have more success with women when you don't give a ? . I know that's how it worked with me. When I was younger and tried to be respectful like how I was raised to be. I was cool with a lot of females, but I didn't get much play. As soon as I stopped giving a ? and started acting like I didn't give a ? , I had females in my face all the time. It's weird. The only bad thing, is it's hard to get out of being that way once you actually meet someone you do give a ? about.
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I'm of the belief people should be able to handle the truth and you're not really responsible to babysit others feelings because if something upsets you, you should ask yourself why and go in your mind and figure it out, not be sheltered from things that provoke an undesired reaction. I know it's easier to say yes to them to save their feelings but what about the person who feels they're being disingenuous? Their feelings mean nothing, why can't they be free in truth?
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I think the key is to be Respectful about "not giving a f*ck".
Also I'm lucky that my sex drive isn't on high intensity, so taking the p*ssy hostage hasn't really
been effective with me. I tend to end up with chicks that are super dedicated too, to the point where they'll
just nag and nag and nag but stay rather than leave the relationship.
Its not easy for most people to leave a relationship unless it involves cheating in most cases.
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SolemnSauce wrote: »
When I have the house to myself
Lmaooooooooo -
BiblicalAtheist wrote: »I'm of the belief people should be able to handle the truth and you're not really responsible to babysit others feelings because if something upsets you, you should ask yourself why and go in your mind and figure it out, not be sheltered from things that provoke an undesired reaction. I know it's easier to say yes to them to save their feelings but what about the person who feels they're being disingenuous? Their feelings mean nothing, why can't they be free in truth?
according to pg 1 "its not that deep".
in all seriousness, I've been in relationship therapy with my current relationship and you'd be surprise how things that we might shrug off as menial are actually pretty significant.
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Shuffington wrote: »BiblicalAtheist wrote: »I'm of the belief people should be able to handle the truth and you're not really responsible to babysit others feelings because if something upsets you, you should ask yourself why and go in your mind and figure it out, not be sheltered from things that provoke an undesired reaction. I know it's easier to say yes to them to save their feelings but what about the person who feels they're being disingenuous? Their feelings mean nothing, why can't they be free in truth?
according to pg 1 "its not that deep".
in all seriousness, I've been in relationship therapy with my current relationship and you'd be surprise how things that we might shrug off as menial are actually pretty significant.
For someone like me who has a hard time faking a smile to people I don't like it bothers me and makes me distraught to have to lie about "things not that deep". It must be that deep if I got to lie to save their feelings but what about mine? The pressure and annoyance that its going to happen again... and again. Each time wondering if they know and just don't say anything, or they don't know because they jsut want to hear it. It's terrible. -
Lie to your own personal feelings to calm her compulsive need to feel wanted?I lie way to often but it saves a lot of hurt feelings. I'm too callus to be honest
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Tell her straight up " B*tch, get a grip... ima be home in a few days"She on a phone sayin she miss you wit a d!ck n her mouth
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Lie to your own personal feelings to calm her compulsive need to feel wanted?Back in the day. I was always lying to a ? . "Your hair looks fine" "i missed you" "i love you" "can't wait to see you"
But i was lying. Her hair was trash, i didn't think about her once i only storta kinda like you and i could honestly go a whole week maybe two before i need to see your face again.
Why was i lying? Because females are ? terrorists. They always threatening to cut off ? if you don't give in to their demands of constant validation. ? out here miserable. ? are forced to lie to a ? , to keep her from shooting the ? in the head. This how miserable females are as a creature. Deep down they know that the majority of them are only tolerable because of ? . Not because they tell cool stories, are good at games, good drinking buddies, ? . The possibility of ? . So a ? will be in a relationship with her finger on the button. ? running around scared. Or they running around doing all this extra ? to get access to the same lackluster ? and mediocre head.
And the crazy part about it.
The craziest part. She thinks you're a ? because you lie. She doesn't value truth nor respect what you think. All this extra ? you do to keep her fat, rat hair weave wearing ass happy, she let's a ? that calls her "? " hit for free, raw.
Truth is the power you have as a man. You lie, you live a hoe's existence.
this ? took the whole mask off
soooo many points I wanna address but dont have time lol
to make it easier, lets just assume the "they" that misses you is a real person.....that you like.....and they like you too...who knows, ya'll might call each other every now and then and sleep together on occasion lol
what about when that person says they miss you when u just left the house 4-5 hours ago?
real ? you should probably try a different type of woman tho....thats really the main thing that stands out in all that ? you just ranted about and I aint being funny....says a lot about you
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Preach2Teach wrote: »Preach2Teach wrote: »Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Just tell the woman you miss her, it's not that deep.
I have just recently learned this and I am 30 years old lol, if you plan on staying with the women and living a peaceful life then you are gonna have to lie sometimes, about 3 weeks back my girl spent the night at her parents due to a wedding and the day after she said she missed me and asked if I missed her I just said yes and kept it moving, always be aware of the words you choose with a women because one wrong word can cause you a lot of problems, they are ? crazy!
? that.
So I gotta hinge my sanity on the words I choose.
? that.
Lol I have been telling the truth for many years to her and all it has gotten me is ? after ? , now that I am 30 with a wrinkle on my forehead I realize it's time for me to live my life in more peace, if that means telling her what she wants to hear from time to time then so be it.
so lemme make sure i got you correctly...
so she can be happy, you tell her what she wants to hear from time to time.....to alleviate your own stress...because the truth got you ? after ? . you've surmised thhat its time for you to live your life in more peace and the key to doing so is to lie.
im 31 and i refuse to live that way.
Yes but only small lies or holding back on certain opinions. like if she says to me "do you like what I am wearing" and I think it looks ? I will tell her she looks beautiful but in the past I might have said some ? , this is all a new way of thinking to me only time will tell if I can stick to it, the lies will only be small when they are necessary for the most part I will still be my honest self I have always been, women are a different breed their minds work different and if you wanna live with them in peace then you will need to be careful with how you choose your words. -
trendsetta1030 wrote: »She on a phone sayin she miss you wit a d!ck n her mouth
I've never been able to talk whilst a ? was in my mouth. That's talent. -
leftcoastkev wrote: »I look at a lot of the "I miss you toos" as spontaneous ? toll booths on the relationship road. I don't mean it half the time but it makes for a happy relationship....on that day, at the moment.
Her: I miss you
Me: (oh u need hear that, okay well) I miss you too (shrugs)
My girl asked me plenty of times do I mean it everytime and I flat out tell her no. I ain't wired to need to be around nobody everyday. She is. She know I be lying half the time but she wanna hear it and she know I know she just wanna hear it so......."I miss you too" it is (whatever, lol).
On the flip if she was with another guy who constantly was first with the I miss you's after a few hours away, she'd probably look at them like a mark.
Unfortunately, the little lies are conditioning for the guilt free bigger lies down the road. Guys get trained into the habit of lying daily to keep things on the up and up with their woman so later on it's nothing to say anything to manipulate the situations....to keep a happy home, on that day, at that moment.
Just how the world works...
Are yall 17? I thought that "Do you reaaalllly miss me when you say it??" ? was over in high school.
Also, what's the point of the no? What is this deep dive into ? affirmations? Do yall want problems? Its like you look for them. Who does it hurt?
Not 17.
Not for some women.
The point of the "no" after that fact (if she asks If I really meant it, and I didn't) is to let her know the truth is I really wasn't missing her, but we both know that she just wants to hear it (she has admitted such) then I'm telling her that to make her feel good. If she don't ask "if I really meant it" then it "I miss u too" and that's that.
Like the phrase "if u like it I love it". I could tell her no 7 outta 10 times but I don't. Maybe she was having a ? up day and that yes " I miss u too" make her feel better or something. I don't think that deep into it, or care tbh.
@ bolded. Seriously. What are you talking about? -
leftcoastkev wrote: »leftcoastkev wrote: »I look at a lot of the "I miss you toos" as spontaneous ? toll booths on the relationship road. I don't mean it half the time but it makes for a happy relationship....on that day, at the moment.
Her: I miss you
Me: (oh u need hear that, okay well) I miss you too (shrugs)
My girl asked me plenty of times do I mean it everytime and I flat out tell her no. I ain't wired to need to be around nobody everyday. She is. She know I be lying half the time but she wanna hear it and she know I know she just wanna hear it so......."I miss you too" it is (whatever, lol).
On the flip if she was with another guy who constantly was first with the I miss you's after a few hours away, she'd probably look at them like a mark.
Unfortunately, the little lies are conditioning for the guilt free bigger lies down the road. Guys get trained into the habit of lying daily to keep things on the up and up with their woman so later on it's nothing to say anything to manipulate the situations....to keep a happy home, on that day, at that moment.
Just how the world works...
Are yall 17? I thought that "Do you reaaalllly miss me when you say it??" ? was over in high school.
Also, what's the point of the no? What is this deep dive into ? affirmations? Do yall want problems? Its like you look for them. Who does it hurt?
Not 17.
Not for some women.
The point of the "no" after that fact (if she asks If I really meant it, and I didn't) is to let her know the truth is I really wasn't missing her, but we both know that she just wants to hear it (she has admitted such) then I'm telling her that to make her feel good. If she don't ask "if I really meant it" then it "I miss u too" and that's that.
Like the phrase "if u like it I love it". I could tell her no 7 outta 10 times but I don't. Maybe she was having a ? up day and that yes " I miss u too" make her feel better or something. I don't think that deep into it, or care tbh.
@ bolded. Seriously. What are you talking about?
I'm saying I don't understand the need to look deeply into these small little issues. I don't think it requires a lot of thought. -
Tell her straight up " B*tch, get a grip... ima be home in a few days"I can't help but say "not really" even tho I know it might put me in the doghouse.
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BiblicalAtheist wrote: »Shuffington wrote: »BiblicalAtheist wrote: »I'm of the belief people should be able to handle the truth and you're not really responsible to babysit others feelings because if something upsets you, you should ask yourself why and go in your mind and figure it out, not be sheltered from things that provoke an undesired reaction. I know it's easier to say yes to them to save their feelings but what about the person who feels they're being disingenuous? Their feelings mean nothing, why can't they be free in truth?
according to pg 1 "its not that deep".
in all seriousness, I've been in relationship therapy with my current relationship and you'd be surprise how things that we might shrug off as menial are actually pretty significant.
For someone like me who has a hard time faking a smile to people I don't like it bothers me and makes me distraught to have to lie about "things not that deep". It must be that deep if I got to lie to save their feelings but what about mine? The pressure and annoyance that its going to happen again... and again. Each time wondering if they know and just don't say anything, or they don't know because they jsut want to hear it. It's terrible.
Your feelings, apparently, are not whats important here .... since to some its not a "big deal".
But you have to watch those type of people who try to manipulate you in order to get their needs met.
In some ways its emotional manipulation.
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Lie to your own personal feelings to calm her compulsive need to feel wanted?trendsetta1030 wrote: »She on a phone sayin she miss you wit a d!ck n her mouth
I've never been able to talk whilst a ? was in my mouth. That's talent.
I hear BCotton gives lessons
