Darxwell Translates the Bible 4 Modern Times
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From the book of Genesis
1:27 So ? created man in his own image, in the image of ?
created he him; male and female created he them.
And later...
2:07 And the LORD ? formed man of the dust of the ground, and
breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became
a living soul.
2:08 And the LORD ? planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there
he put the man whom he had formed.
SMH at thinking Genesis says that Adam was the first human being....
ETHER -
Tommy bilfiger wrote: »The bible is nothin but a 37,000 paged book wit aesop fables and lies written by white people
Written by Blacks, edited by whites. Like Rock and Roll. -
Halo tipped be thy name doe...
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Translation: ? took a picture of himself. Put it in his heavenly scanner and printed out two copies of HIM, he touched the images and brought them to life. He punched one in the ? so hard it made a ? .The Prime Minister wrote: »From the book of Genesis
1:27 So ? created man in his own image, in the image of ?
created he him; male and female created he them.
And thats how the ? went down.
Translation: Wait...actually that's not what happened. He was actually playing in the dirt, got bored and made a pile of dust and called them man and woman.And later...
2:07 And the LORD ? formed man of the dust of the ground, and
breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became
a living soul.
He then gave them CPR through the nostrils and the pile of dust grew skin and started walking around wondering wtf was going on.
Translation: ...then he was like. Yall need to eat your vegatables and ? so u can grow up strong like ya daddy.2:08 And the LORD ? planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there
he put the man whom he had formed. -
This is a classic thread
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=(
the ? ? LOL
He's talking about Genesis 19:"30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[g]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi[h]; he is the father of the Ammonites of today." -
? that, I'm sick of these Canaanite ? word up! We Jews ? we go hard in the paint somebody gotta step the ? up!
I dont give a ? if they ? & blind homie first ? mash on them ? gettin a promotion. That's on my Father who art in heaven. Halo tipped be thy name.
LMFAO, This ? got skills (n/h) -
CLASSIC ? !!! Another Thread of the Year & FoF candidate
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Translation: So Lot was like, "pack your ? yall we moving to the mountains ? is crazy out here yo." His daughters decided to act out an ? story from the fetish section of sexstories.com cuz they lived on the set of the Oprah Show, not a man in sight."30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
Translation: Nasty ? got him leanin off dat drank and he aint know wtf was going on.
33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
Translation: They did that ? again. Only this time the nasty bastard PRETENDED he didnt know what was going on.34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
Translation: He got both them hoes pregnant on some Lil Wayne ? and they both gave their children ? up names. So if you a decendent of the Ammonites or the Moabites you ? like a muthafukka and got 2000 years worth of extra chromosomes to account for.36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[g]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi[h]; he is the father of the Ammonites of today." -
Matthew 21:12-13
And Jesus went into the temple of ? , and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, and said unto them, It is written, my house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves
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Did this ? Jacob literally wrestle with "? "?
Dudes just randomly wrestled each other for hours on end back in the day?Genesis Chapter 32 wrote:24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with ? and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw ? face to face, and yet my life was spared.” -
Translation: Jesus walked up in the church and ? was actin like they aint had no home trainin, gambling and carrying on so he just straight Martin Payne'd them ? like, "Yall gone have to ? wit all that ol' ? ...I dont even live here this is my 'Father's' house but ya'll ? in here actin like this is muthafukkin Magic City wit slot machines."Matthew 21:12-13
And Jesus went into the temple of ? , and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, and said unto them, It is written, my house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves
Translation: ? reminded Jacob his arms were too short to box with him. Jacob then informed the Lord, "I aint stupid ? we aint boxing we wrestling" u owe a ? a favor. Run that blessin homie or u aint gettin out this headlock.24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
Translation: Who the ? iz u ? talking to me like that? What cho name is ? ? Ja--Jake? The ? --- JACOB?!?27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
Translation: Thats wack yo...change that ? to Israel. U been through sum ? in your life & word to Antoine Fisher u still standing! U still here!28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with ? and with humans and have overcome.”
Translation: So what's your name then?29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
Translation: ? u need my government for homie? U dont know me like dat? Lemme go head and bless u right quickBut he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
Translation: ? blessed his "Peniel" (no holy ? ) and didnt even ? my ? afterward.30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw ? face to face, and yet my life was spared.” -
fiat_money wrote: »Did this ? Jacob literally wrestle with "? "?Dudes just randomly wrestled each other for hours on end back in the day?
Apparently he did wrestle with "? "... and whooped his ass too. -
Translation: Jesus walked up in the church and ? was actin like they aint had no home trainin, gambling and carrying on so he just straight Martin Payne'd them ? like, "Yall gone have to ? wit all that ol' ? ...I dont even live here this is my 'Father's' house but ya'll ? in here actin like this is muthafukkin Magic City wit slot machines."
Translation: ? reminded Jacob his arms were too short to box with him. Jacob then informed the Lord, "I aint stupid ? we aint boxing we wrestling" u owe a ? a favor. Run that blessin homie or u aint gettin out this headlock.
Translation: Who the ? iz u ? talking to me like that? What cho name is ? ? Ja--Jake? The ? --- JACOB?!?
Translation: Thats wack yo...change that ? to Israel. U been through sum ? in your life & word to Antoine Fisher u still standing! U still here!
Translation: So what's your name then?Translation: ? u need my government for homie? U dont know me like dat? Lemme go head and bless u right quick
Translation: ? blessed his "Peniel" (no holy ? ) and didnt even ? my ? afterward.
lmao......... -
and wasted time making a thread about it, when here was the place to be
I Corinthians 14: 34-37:
34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church -
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Translation: Shut your trap ? this aint the damn hair salon. If u got a question ask ya man cuz let u hoes get to talking u'll never ? and we'll never get out of here in time to catch the game. I repeat...S.T.F.U.and wasted time making a thread about it, when here was the place to be
I Corinthians 14: 34-37:
34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church -
LMAO this ? is classic...im over here dying.
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Deuteronomy 29 v 5-6: 'During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet. You ate no bread and drank no wine or other fermented drink. I did this so that you might know that I am the Lord your ? '.
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Translation: My ? I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!Deuteronomy 29 v 5-6: 'During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet. You ate no bread and drank no wine or other fermented drink. I did this so that you might know that I am the Lord your ? '. -
Translation: My ? I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!
Rofl
Lolololol
Jezus -
Translation: My ? I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!
Hahaha. Funny ass thread. -
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"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days."
(Leviticus 12:5) -
FieldTripsToTheHood wrote: »LMAO....you forgot " Day 7 this mf'er was lampin'!
day 7 was a day of rest...aint much happen that day
