scumbag!

geechee slim wrote: »

Got a new job with an African man-eater named Jenna. From the ivory coast and well-traveled. You can tell English is a second language to her. She's a supervisor in a department different from mine. But I was assigned to help her (and her staff) to move some heavy boxes. They think im 26. She's 35 ... and fine.

She be purposely saying my name wrong and everything. My name's Irah and she be callin me Iren.

"Irennnnnnn!!!!"
(*pronounced EYE-when)
"Bwing dis box on da ? flo."
.... OK, I'll bring it to the THIRD floor."
"Duu nott get SMAAT wit me Irin... I will eat you alive!"
"Careful, I'm delicious. Plus I'm 0 tranz fat and no preservatives."

She buss out laughin. So we walking down the halls and I got a heavy box in my hand and I'm following her.
"keep your eyes on my feet or the back of my head Iren, and not my bottom."

*deep exhale* I'll try

So now we in a tight hallway and she brushes past me in a slightly sexual way. She must've heard me exhale again because she turned around, laughed and jokingly said "I love you too Iren!"

So now I see that she's using her femininity as a nuclear weapon on me. I could feel my heartbeat in my ? .

So we walking these heavy ass boxing up the stairs. She still insists "keep ya eyes off my bottum Iren. I don't wanna 'ave to eat you alive with no hot sauce." That ? hit me like a bar from Biggie. My brain was on fire.

So up to the final steps in the stairwell, she partially (very partially) opens the door with her hand. I didn't even notice she opened the door. She says "Go ahead" as if to tell me to open the door fully for her. But she was kinda bent over. So when she said "go ahead," I thought she meant "go ahead and grab her ass.

So I did.

I let the heavy boxes fall to the ground. I grabbed the most foam-like ass ever. Whole palm and every finger. Pinky on the under-meat and thumb on the ass ? bone.

She dropped her jaw in such surprise. So now we both looking at one another in shock. "Iren........ Whut are you duuing?"
"... I thought...... you meant....."
"Boy......"

She walks around the corner and I thought I ? her off. Then I hear "Irennnnn! There is still work t'du dear." I reach down to grab a box and she grabs my ass and holds it.
"Now we even Iren?"
"Not till you let go of my ass cuz I might drop this heavy ass box."

So the rest on the day whenever she passed me she'd pinch my ass. I'd pinch back. As we're clocking out, she says "bye Iwen, I love you sweetie. " I smacked her ass so hard it sound like a dropped the yellow pages.

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Dave2one6 wrote: »

Not really a scumbag story, per se, but something is better than nothing.

So my grandma had me trapped on the phone with her. She live states away and i havent talked to her in a while. this was about 2 months ago. So i decided to use the time wisely and pick her brain.

I say, Grandma, Am I anything like my real grandfather? I never knew my mom dad. he died when i was 3 or 4. i seen him at the funeral. that was it. My granny husband back in the day was my Grandpa paw.

My grandma say: Oh honey, no. you are nothing like your real grandfather. he was a real bad alcoholic. a liar. a womanizer, and a cheat. He couldnt keep a job, but thru all that, he always loved your grandma. So no grandson, you are nothing like him. I am proud of you. You turned out to be an outstanding young man.

So once we got off the phone, i just laid back on the couch. hit the blunt of loud. took a swig of bud light after a shot of jack daniels and thought, "Damn, I'm just like that muthafucka. Maybe worse!"

Ether.