Giving back, does it have limits?
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We've done it in the past multiple times but after a while tired of that s*** people always having their hand out looking up to you for money it's bad for them and it's bad for us
I'm not sure how a religious man gets tired of doing what is right. If, you or your family are suffering because, of your continuous charity I can understand dialing back or perhaps giving in other ways.
Giving people unlimited money when they ask for it isn't a righteous things. Does ? give people what they want every time they ask??? No so therefore neither should I.
It most certainly is righteous, as long as you and your family don't suffer because of it. Why, because, there will always be people in need. ? is constantly testing us people and family.
The same can be said, for time. You can give others all the time they need as long as it doesn't infringe on your families rights to your time with them. -
Part of the problem in life is that people don't understand boundaries. They don't understand they as individuals and other people are responsible for in life.
Example @AZTG , you said you have no limits on helping family. But do you realize there is a line where "helping" someone can hurt them?
True bru sooo true
HELPING = YOU BROKE IMA TEACH AOME STUFF ABOUT SAVING AND GETTING MONEY
ASSITANCE = BRO I GOT YOU. SORRY IF I VE MADE IT AND YOU DIDNT. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT BRUH ITS MINE. DONT MOVE OFF THE COUCH I HANDLE ERRTANG
EGO = IM THE ALPHA IN THIS ? !! THESE ? AINT ? WITHOUT ME!! THE SHOES THE HOES YHE CARS THE HOUS ITS ALL ON ME!! THEY CAN DONIT WITHOUT ME
The last two are very destructiveto the people they are PRETENDING TO HELP. -
yellowtapesport wrote: »Part of the problem in life is that people don't understand boundaries. They don't understand they as individuals and other people are responsible for in life.
Example @AZTG , you said you have no limits on helping family. But do you realize there is a line where "helping" someone can hurt them?
Folks not understanding boundaries shouldn't be a concern for the person giving. If, you got it. Give it.
Can you give an example of how helping someone can hurt them?
The only time giving becomes detrimental is when the person giving is, taking away from their own livelihood and well being.
Simple. If I lend my brother $5 every month of 2016, what will I do to HELP him not have to borrow $5 every month of 2017?
A. Say yes. Continue lending him money on hopes he eventually won't need my help. This keeps him dependent.
B. Say no. He will START to think of ways to make sure he won't need to borrow $5.
It's like never taking of the training wheels of your kids bike. You don't want them to live to always depend on training wheels.
Like the saying...
give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
What you described hurts no one.
If, you lend your brother $5 and it doesn't take food off of your table then you are doing the right thing if that's what the circumstance calls for.
So, in this scenario if, you take issue with giving your brother $5 you are just as in need of help then he is.
The way a balanced well intended brother would approach such a situation is.
1. First he would give (not lend) to his brother from the goodness of his heart because, this is the station in life he has been rewarded by the creator.
2. He would do it out of love and cultivation of his own spirit.
3. He would be patient with his brother and while giving also teach him to as you say "fish"
4. He would never tire from doing any of the above.
There is another saying. "Want for your brother what you want for yourself".
I'm having a hard time believing this is how you truly live your life..
Just like a good parent cannot always say yes to their children, sometimes a simple 'NO' is needed in our adult lives to put us in perspective that some things are not always given, and require more than the minimal effort of 'asking' to attain...
No need to project.
Of course I have said no in the past and will say no in future. However my reasoning has been and ONLY will be "if I aint I got it". But even in these cases I will still do my best to assist in some way. I am a problem solver by nature. So, my drive is to always find a way.
I am not sure what your limitations are but I find it quite easy to give and teach. I find quite stupid and unproductive when asked for assistance to start trying to teach someone a life a lesson. That's not what is being asked of me at that moment. I will do that after the situation has been dealt with.
So, your believing what I don't do in my life, is simply you needing more work, and guidance in your own affairs.
If the only 'assistance' you seem to be providing is financial and you're not always in a position to help financially...then how much are you really helping? Honestly. -
2stepz_ahead wrote: »so at what point can you say no and add to your savings coffers?
cuz people won't turn away money and tend to know you won't say no and don't have to change their way of thinking
What is your fixation with other people?
What is wrong with you, as a person? If you have something to give. Money, time, food, clothes. Give it. What is the fixation with thinking you have done enough?
If, you got it. Give it. If you don't. Don't.
The only types of people I can fathom having such a difficult time with this concept is....
People who don't have it but are fronting like they do.
People who are just greedy and do not attach spirituality, peace, duty, and selflessness to giving charity without tiring. -
Yes it does have its limits.
I will help and have no problem helping for as long as the person truly needs my help.
What I won't be is used by said person saying they need my help. -
2stepz_ahead wrote: »AggieLean. wrote: »
I agree with you on all of this. As long as I've got it, I'm going to continue to help those who are in need of the help. I've been blessed to be placed into a great situation. It's my duty to help.I am always going to give back without worrying about how much I have given or how much some one I have given to continues to ? up. If, the creator continues to put me in a position to help I will always feel obligated to do so.
That's what it's all about for me. Yes, I have worked hard, made some decent decisions in life etc. From my upbringing and perspective. I was placed in a position to help. I feel like if, I stop giving I will stop receiving.
so religion has got you afraid to day no?
that or karma?
Knowledge of self, duty, and commitment allows me to share what I have been given. Some of us know that we invest in stock, for our future. But we also invest in people. ie. our children, family, people, community.
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We've done it in the past multiple times but after a while tired of that s*** people always having their hand out looking up to you for money it's bad for them and it's bad for us
I'm not sure how a religious man gets tired of doing what is right. If, you or your family are suffering because, of your continuous charity I can understand dialing back or perhaps giving in other ways.
Giving people unlimited money when they ask for it isn't a righteous things. Does ? give people what they want every time they ask??? No so therefore neither should I.
It most certainly is righteous, as long as you and your family don't suffer because of it. Why, because, there will always be people in need. ? is constantly testing us people and family.
The same can be said, for time. You can give others all the time they need as long as it doesn't infringe on your families rights to your time with them.
You are from another religion but in mine while charity is good turning people into dependants isn't and if you give people money anytime they ask for it you are taking the place of ? in their lives.
Don't always turn to me for substance turn to the Lord. I'll give all the time I can give but not my money, money has a limit. from my religious perspective money, my money is my seed how a man uses his seed and the fruits of his labor is very important you don't throw your seed into Barren ground and you don't allow your fruit to turn other people away from who their true sustainer should be. -
Part of the problem in life is that people don't understand boundaries. They don't understand they as individuals and other people are responsible for in life.
Example @AZTG , you said you have no limits on helping family. But do you realize there is a line where "helping" someone can hurt them?
Folks not understanding boundaries shouldn't be a concern for the person giving. If, you got it. Give it.
Can you give an example of how helping someone can hurt them?
The only time giving becomes detrimental is when the person giving is, taking away from their own livelihood and well being.
Simple. If I lend my brother $5 every month of 2016, what will I do to HELP him not have to borrow $5 every month of 2017?
A. Say yes. Continue lending him money on hopes he eventually won't need my help. This keeps him dependent.
B. Say no. He will START to think of ways to make sure he won't need to borrow $5.
It's like never taking of the training wheels of your kids bike. You don't want them to live to always depend on training wheels.
Like the saying...
give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
What you described hurts no one.
If, you lend your brother $5 and it doesn't take food off of your table then you are doing the right thing if that's what the circumstance calls for.
So, in this scenario if, you take issue with giving your brother $5 you are just as in need of help then he is.
The way a balanced well intended brother would approach such a situation is.
1. First he would give (not lend) to his brother from the goodness of his heart because, this is the station in life he has been rewarded by the creator.
2. He would do it out of love and cultivation of his own spirit.
3. He would be patient with his brother and while giving also teach him to as you say "fish"
4. He would never tire from doing any of the above.
There is another saying. "Want for your brother what you want for yourself".
The problem imo is that the only way you feel like you can help your brother is to give him money.
At this point you are enabling. That's when giving hurts someone.
Wanting for your brother would be him in a position not asking $5.
LMAO. Seriously?
A financial scenario was given. So, that's what I responded to.
If, you reread point #3. It's there clear as day. Money isn't the only way I would be helping my brother.
Word life. Some of yall are typing just to type. -
I don't give to people that don't help themselves. I don't give if I can't afford it. I don't give if I feel you wouldnt do the same for me.
Other than that, I'll give all day. -
Best way to help someone is to get them to learn to help themselves. It's one thing to help get them on their feet it's another to be funding their life. You do them no good by having them depend on you anytime they need a bailout. Even if I have it to give me giving may do more harm than good in the long run
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I don't want to be used by anyone so i have my limits. I may have it and still say no. it depends on the situation.
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If I always had excess, mide as well let that ? trickle down, if I got enough then all the rest don't matter, The tricky part comes with the question "how much is enough?", for the giver and the taker.
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Leave ? out of this, its childish and it takes responsibility off the giver and receiver
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Of course it does
My son has a half brother who lives at the Salvation Army and has a pretty bad drug habit . Everyone has tried to help him get sober and right but he doesn't want help right now
I used to see him often near my job....While going to a Starbucks or lunch. I used to buy him food and drinks and stuff 3-4 times a week....it was hard to see someone so young so far out there.
But then he started hanging around my job daily ...waiting for me do I would give him money or food. I had to set some limits/boundaries.
Now ...We meet on Friday's and I buy him lunch ...which is usually a pizza from 7-11 and a big gulp ...his choice...give him $10....and tell him to make wise choices.
I still am going to help him ....he's family ,...but there are limits now -
At this point yall talking about extreme cases with family on drugs and ? .
I dont think a single person here said they would keep giving money to fam to enable their drug habits.
All that was said, especially by me, is that if my family runs into financial trouble, and I have it, im not about to sit back and live lavish while they struggling. Im not about to let get go to the bank and take loans or fill up they cards either. Ima bail them out, regardless of its 5k or 100k, as long as I have it. Life is long, and they'll pay me back eventually. And even if I dont get the money back, I lost it by helping fam. I dont see how people have an issue with this.
Nobody sat and said they will keep giving money to their people if they are spending it all on drugs and ruining their lives. -
At this point yall talking about extreme cases with family on drugs and ? .
I dont think a single person here said they would keep giving money to fam to enable their drug habits.
All that was said, especially by me, is that if my family runs into financial trouble, and I have it, im not about to sit back and live lavish while they struggling. Im not about to let get go to the bank and take loans or fill up they cards either. Ima bail them out, regardless of its 5k or 100k, as long as I have it. Life is long, and they'll pay me back eventually. And even if I dont get the money back, I lost it by helping fam. I dont see how people have an issue with this.
Nobody sat and said they will keep giving money to their people if they are spending it all on drugs and ruining their lives.
That's what happens here. Folks come with the most extreme cases to justify or defend their ? positions.
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Teaching is giving back every day.
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Teaching is giving back every day.
While true. It's only one of many ways of giving back. Just like everyone isn't gifted with a station of money and influence. Everyone isn't gifted with time and patience to teach. -
Extreme case ?? Uhhh try my real life
Want another example
Every time I go to the HEB they ask if I want to donate to some charity ....seeing how I donate to 4 organizations each month via payroll I usually say no
Between that ....volunteering as a guardian ad litem ...passing out soup and gloves to the homeless when it's cold and cold water when it's hot ... and the toy drive I help with ....
I'm ok with saying no and setting limits
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At this point yall talking about extreme cases with family on drugs and ? .
I dont think a single person here said they would keep giving money to fam to enable their drug habits.
All that was said, especially by me, is that if my family runs into financial trouble, and I have it, im not about to sit back and live lavish while they struggling. Im not about to let get go to the bank and take loans or fill up they cards either. Ima bail them out, regardless of its 5k or 100k, as long as I have it. Life is long, and they'll pay me back eventually. And even if I dont get the money back, I lost it by helping fam. I dont see how people have an issue with this.
Nobody sat and said they will keep giving money to their people if they are spending it all on drugs and ruining their lives.
It ain't always about drug habits..it can literally be bailing somebody out of bad situation after bad situation. Helping your family is one thing, being somebody's personal bank is another constantly is another. You don't actually help somebody by constantly bailing them out, you help them by showing them how to put themselves in a position to not have to be bailed out of a bad situation -
I don't mind giving back but It depends on your situation. If you are in some financial trouble & you need to borrow money then its good Especially if you are a trust worthy person Trust goes a long way. Just give it back whenever you get out of the hole. But I am not about to give anything to someone who always want a handout or will put themselves in a situation on purpose then cry to family members to bail them out
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You cant act like everybody's family members are like the Cosby show.
Alot of people got leeches & connivers in there family who'd suck your bank account dry if you let them....plenty of athletes & lotto winners are victims of this. (ESPN 30 for 30 documentary: Broke is a good example of this)
you gotta assess things on a case by case basis
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"Extreme cases"? Y'all act like there aren't people out there that wont rob & steal from there own family. People out there that would steal from there own kids (and have by the way)....its a mentality, drugs or "extreme" ? dont gotta have nothing to do with the situation.
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For family? I dont lend, I give. No limits. Whats the point of having money if I cant give to my fam?
For the community? I know its a cliche, but I give back with my time and experience. In 2016, I took 2 people under my wing, shared my experience, told them exactly what to do, and to their credit, they did it to a T, and both landed 75k+ job. Now them and their families are set. Only thing I asked back was to make sure they are willing to help the next man. Im working on a 3rd person now. I think helping my people get high paying jobs is the best way of giving back.
I think that's amazing the way you did it so respect for that and to each his own. But only one little aspect I would change being in your position ( meaning if I was in the same position to guide people through like you did) the only thing I would change is I would treat family with a little extra love but also teaching them the same way take the same steps. Only because not in all cases but in some cases, some family members like to abuse the situation. Some family members rather sit back and kick while you lend a helping hand and they show no kind of initiative excetera excetera. Other than that I feel like your idea and goal of giving back is the way it should be so big up to you -
felliwonda wrote: »For family? I dont lend, I give. No limits. Whats the point of having money if I cant give to my fam?
For the community? I know its a cliche, but I give back with my time and experience. In 2016, I took 2 people under my wing, shared my experience, told them exactly what to do, and to their credit, they did it to a T, and both landed 75k+ job. Now them and their families are set. Only thing I asked back was to make sure they are willing to help the next man. Im working on a 3rd person now. I think helping my people get high paying jobs is the best way of giving back.
I think that's amazing the way you did it so respect for that and to each his own. But only one little aspect I would change being in your position ( meaning if I was in the same position to guide people through like you did) the only thing I would change is I would treat family with a little extra love but also teaching them the same way take the same steps. Only because not in all cases but in some cases, some family members like to abuse the situation. Some family members rather sit back and kick while you lend a helping hand and they show no kind of initiative excetera excetera. Other than that I feel like your idea and goal of giving back is the way it should be so big up to you
I feel you man. But i cant help someone who dont want help. Im actually guiding my brother now, hopefully he is going to have a good job and begin his career in the first quarter of this year. I got love for all the people I helped, but I woulda put my brother on before any of them. He just gotta want it, and luckily he does and is working towards it.
