Darxwell Translates the Bible 4 Modern Times
Options
Comments
-
funniest ? ever
Translation: An old head was minding his own damn business just walking to Bethel and some lil bad ass kids start clowning him about his hair loss and ? . So dude was like, "? yall ? in the Name of Jesus."
Then some bears came out of nowhere and ate them. -
Genesis 19
24Then the LORD rained upon ? and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt. -
junegemini wrote: »day 7 was a day of rest...aint much happen that day
SMH
Lampin': (v) verb - To just chill back and relax while being totally unproductive. -
this thread was the greatest ? I ever seen in Ill Pix. -
good thread
-
Translation: If the ? give birth to a girl she ? for 2-weeks. Straight up homie. Hard on Infant Hoes for 66 days mayne."But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days."
(Leviticus 12:5)
Translation: ? was droppin that hell Ether on eer last one of them ? ass ? ; people, animals, plants and all. If it was breathin it was dyin.Genesis 19
24Then the LORD rained upon ? and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;
25And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
26But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
Homeboy's wife got out of pocket by looking back at the city and ? was like, "? didnt I say dont look back? So u wanna be hard headed huh? U know what else is hard? SALT rock ? ..it aint a game hoe"
Yo that was actually entertaining.
Thank you madam.nthngis4vr& alwyzisalie wrote: »good thread -
*11 When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.
12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.
13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.
*14 When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?
Galatians 2:11-14
-
Leviticus 25:44-45
Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. -
Translation: Cephas brought that drama straight to Antioch's face cuz the ? knew he was dead ass wrong.*11 When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.12 For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.
Translation: James used to break bread wit them Gentile ? but when they fell through he straight fronted on them ? cuz his boys was watchin.
Translation: His bandwagon riding ass homeboys did the same damn thing and even Barnabas was shocked at the blatant ? -ass-ness.13 The other Jews joined him in his hypocrisy, so that by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray.
Translation: I peeped that ? and was like, "Yo. Real talk u ? is clowns. Frontin ass ? u wasnt talking all that Gentile ? last night now was u?!"*14 When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?
Galatians 2:11-14
-
Translation: Buy all ya Kizzy's & your Kuntas from across the border. But if push come to shove go head that ? down the street that been getting on your nerves since he moved in last year would make a good slave too. Besides nobody will miss him.mdizzle9000 wrote: »Leviticus 25:44-45
Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. -
"For who the Lord loves he scorns and chastises, if you can endure the chastisement, ? will deal with u as a son, and if you cant endure the chisetasment , ? will deal with you as a ? "
-
You "? " you translate.
? am I even here for at this point? LOL I guess you are inspiring me to write these translations...thank you Based Gawd"For who the Lord loves he scorns and chastises, if you can endure the chastisement, ? will deal with u as a son, and if you cant endure the chisetasment , ? will deal with you as a ? "
TRANSLATION: ? says he beats you cuz he loves you. And if you'd just ? and stop whining about it you can finally be good for something for once in your damn life. -
Translation: My ? I'm the reason your ass survived 40 years in the desert wit no grub or drank but ya gear was still flier than a paper plane and u was STILL stuntin on hoes. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD! CUZ I LAID MY PIMPIN UPON THEE!
I literally spit out my food. ? 's hilarious, B -
Exodus 4:24-25
Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s ? and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.” -
Im hurtin over here i gotta find some more quotes
Exodus 21:20-21 "If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."
Leviticus 11:20-22
"All flying insects that walk on all fours are to be detestable to you. There are, however, some winged creatures that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper."
Matthew 10:34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."
Exodus 33:11 "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend."
John 1:18 "No one has ever seen ? ."
................... -
Translation: A ? was bout to ? Zipporah's baby boy at the lodge on their way to link up wit ? . Homegirl chopped the tip of her baby's ? off like threw the ? at him like "? if I'm crazy enough to do that ? ? u think amma do to you?! Now iz u Flesh of my flesh blood of my blood or what my dude?"Craig Robinson wrote: »Exodus 4:24-25
Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s ? and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
-
Translation: A ? was bout to ? Zipporah's baby boy at the lodge on their way to link up wit ? . Homegirl chopped the tip of her baby's ? off like threw the ? at him like "? if I'm crazy enough to do that ? ? u think amma do to you?! Now iz u Flesh of my flesh blood of my blood or what my dude?"
Lmfaooooooo -
Translation: OK look, just cuz we enslaving ? dont mean we can just go beatin the living ? out of em. That just aint right. So if ol' boy beat his slave so hard the ? dont get up for 2 consecutive sunrises then go head and "hannel dat." But if the ? up & limpin around after only a day then...come on...was it really that bad?Exodus 21:20-21 "If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."
Translation: Welcome to 2000 years ago let me share our specials with you:Leviticus 11:20-22
"All flying insects that walk on all fours are to be detestable to you. There are, however, some winged creatures that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper."
The insects with wings that walk on four legs might make you throw-up. Others? Not so much.
I'd personally suggest the Locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper doe.
Translation: "When I come back like Jord wearing the .45, it aint to play games wit chu, it's to aim at you, probably maim you, Might just cut you up to ya spleen cocksucka like the Mujahideen"Matthew 10:34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."
Translation: Yo, ? and Moses chopped it up all the time man. Always shootin the ? like old heads on the block do.Exodus 33:11 "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend."
Translation: *leans forward*John 1:18 "No one has ever seen ? ."
*lowers voice*
On some real ? son, between me and you, I aint NEVER seen that ? fall through the hood yo. -
LMAO @ go head an hannel dat
this ? -
ROFL daaaaaaaaaaaawg LOL
-
John 11:35 "Jesus wept."
-
Translation: Jesus caught feelings. Amen.soul rattler wrote: »John 11:35 "Jesus wept." -
i'm dyin over here. had to find some quotes for ya
Translation: *Fantasia Voice* If U dont want me then dont pray to meeeee...Exodus 34:14 For thou shalt worship no other ? : for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous ?
Cuz I aint down with that Spiritual swinging ? .
Translation: Some of them dudes was dickless from jump others got their ? chopped off to keep from doing some ? ? that'll get them sent to hell. But he who can still recieve usualy did...wit they nasty ass."For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's ? : and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." Matthew 19:12
Translation: You must have *this much* ? to to enter. Your ? is an antenna for Jesus. If u aint got one...he cant get the signal anyway."No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male ? is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord." Deuteronomy 23:1
Translation: Nothing makes a man happier than busting one of them lil loud ass babies against some stones to get some peace and quiet in the village.“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.” Psalm 137:9 -
FOF material
Darc going to hell will gasoline drawls on LMAO -
Translation: OK look, just cuz we enslaving ? dont mean we can just go beatin the living ? out of em. That just aint right. So if ol' boy beat his slave so hard the ? dont get up for 2 consecutive sunrises then go head and "hannel dat." But if the ? up & limpin around after only a day then...come on...was it really that bad?
Translation: Welcome to 2000 years ago let me share our specials with you:
The insects with wings that walk on four legs might make you throw-up. Others? Not so much.
I'd personally suggest the Locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper doe.
Translation: "When I come back like Jord wearing the .45, it aint to play games wit chu, it's to aim at you, probably maim you, Might just cut you up to ya spleen cocksucka like the Mujahideen"
Translation: Yo, ? and Moses chopped it up all the time man. Always shootin the ? like old heads on the block do.
Translation: *leans forward*
*lowers voice*
On some real ? son, between me and you, I aint NEVER seen that ? fall through the hood yo.
he's not a biter hes' a writer :krs:
