15 Insane Theories About Movies And Television That Will Blow Your Mind
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silverfoxx wrote: »I hope there is a Arthur theory. I always thought some subliminal ? was up with that show.
The show was based on the books when Arthur (who is an aardvark) had his aardvark nose) and the books talked about being happy with yourself and with the way you look. As the books progressed forward, his nose got smaller and smaller till the point where it disappeared and you have what he look like today ( a teddy bear basically)
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Those theories on cartoons are really interesting but I can't lie I have a headache from laughing so hard. They aren't farfetch'd it's just that looking at these cartoons characters in that way is too damn funny to me.
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Screech is a player?Slater was ? wait what?11 behind the scenes facts about Saved By The bell in Dustin Diamonds book.
Saved By The bell new Class stayed on TV 3 yrs longer than the original and I never watched it.it was on for 7 yrs.
http://www.11points.com/TV/11_Most_Scandalous_Saved_by_the_Bell_Revelations_in_Screech's_Autobiography
This weekend, I read Dustin "Screech" Diamond's entire autobiography, "Behind the Bell". And I might be the only person who's ever done that.
Literally, the only person. I'm fairly sure no editor actually read it cover-to-cover; on page four we get the sentence "? fame. Allow me to tear down your allusions"... and that sets off a book just riddled with spelling errors, punctuation errors, repeated references to craft services as Kraft services and weird line breaks. On two separate occasions, entire paragraphs are actually repeated.
But you're not reading this for me to call out Dustin Diamond's copy editor. Nor was I reading his book to look for such errors. (I just notice them because I'm a precocious-in-a-bad-way son of an English teacher.) No... we all want to know the unbelievable "Saved by the Bell" sex scandals that he witnessed first hand. (Or, as he disclaims in the prologue, some of them are "things [he] heard from reliable sources.")
And I've got 'em for you.
Here are the 11 most ridiculous, salacious and lurid "Saved by the Bell" sex (and drug) scandals revealed by Dustin Diamond in "Behind the Bell" -- in no particular order.
1.Dustin Diamond has a large ? and has used it to have sex with more than 2,000 women, most of whom he picked up at Disneyland(n/h). Diamond's sales pitch for this book, it seems, is: "As wholesome as 'Saved by the Bell' appeared on screen, the exact opposite was happening behind the scenes, and I'm broke and desperate enough to sell everyone out and tell you about it." But his unspoken mission statement is: "I'm not Screech. I'm 100 percent, in every single way, not Screech. I'm cool, I follow no man, and women find me irresistible."
Dustin Diamond, then and now.
Diamond tells of many of his exploits; even starting one chapter about halfway through the book with the sentence, "Is it bragging to say I've banged over two thousand chicks in my life?" (And as my fellow journalism brethren will note, yes, that line contains yet another misused word.)
And while it seems he met many of these anonymous "chicks" when they were extras on the show or during the cast's mall tours and cross-country appearances... he says he actually seduced a large number of them at Disneyland.
"People don't realize that Disneyland in the early '90s was the perfect place to meet and hook up with chicks," he writes. He then goes on to describe the best rides on which to carry this out ("The Haunted Mansion -- a totally dark, nine-minute ride.") And finally, he explains, his method was simple. He and a friend would walk around, wait until two (often international) tourist girls would recognize him as Screech, and take it from there.
The saddest part of all this? As I read that, I said to myself, "Yep. That probably did work."
2.Mario Lopez ? a girl, and NBC paid her hush money. Definitely the most damning accusation in the book... but one that Diamond doesn't hedge (like many of the upcoming points). He flat-out says that Mario Lopez "lured [a girl] back to his pad... and was forced to have sex against her will."
NBC's lawyers stepped in to maintain the image of its clean teen stars, though, and paid the girl to be quiet. "And my understanding," Diamond writes, "is that it wasn't a boatload of cash, either, somewhere around fifty grand."
I found this "Variety" article about Lopez being accused of ? , so there is other corroboration on this. It's amazing -- back in 1993, before the Internet turned the American celebrity gossip press into the British celebrity gossip press, a huge "SBTB" fan like me never heard a word of this. If this ? accusation had happened 15 years later, within moments of the story breaking a photo of A.C. Slater would've been on Perez Hilton, complete with a MS Paint mouth ? .
3.
Johnny Dakota.
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen cheated on the actor who played Johnny Dakota simultaneously with Mario Lopez and Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Thiessen comes off pretty poorly in the book. In this instance, Diamond discusses the famous anti-drug "SBTB" episode -- the one where a movie star named Johnny Dakota shows up to film an anti-drug PSA but then tries to get the crew to use drugs... and they stand up to him. Apparently, Thiessen was dating Eddie Garcia, the actor who played Johnny Dakota.
But, little did he know, Diamond says, she was having sex with both of the other male leads of "SBTB" under his nose. In fact, he says, for the entire week of that episode, Thiessen was sneaking off, right under his nose, going from one guy's dressing room to the other's. Garcia eventually found out and ended things, because, it turns out, he was nothing like his character and was the most "steadfast dude you'd ever want to meet."
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4.During the "No Hope With Dope" episode, the cast members were all smoking weed in their dressing rooms. Diamond doesn't reveal that much about the drugs floating around the cast, but does say that "the 'No Hope With Dope' episode ended up being a huge hit ... I just can't help but think of all the off-camera drinking and recreational drug use being indulged in by the cast members during that time ... I could even smell a certain 'smoke' wafting from the ? beneath Tiffani's dressing room."
Man. I feel more betrayed than Ox when they accused him of being the one smoking the joint in the men's room.
5.Elizabeth Berkley also did both Mario Lopez and Mark-Paul Gosselaar... but only once Tiffani-Amber Thiessen was done. Berkley doesn't get a ton of ink in the book -- you almost perceive that Diamond has sympathy for her post-"SBTB" career being almost entirely a spiral of ? /? roles spurred by her decision to do "Showgirls".
He does, however, mention that, once Thiessen was done with Lopez and Gosselaar, Berkley decided she wanted to get with both of them too. He says "there was a desperation to [her] ? 'ing, like she had a lot of catching up to do."
I don't know about that. I think she just might've found jeans with two rows of belt loops too irresistible to pass up.
6.Lark Voorhies then did them as sloppy thirds. From this book, and other things I've read, I get the impression that Voorhies is one of the shyest people in the history of mankind. According to Diamond, it took years for "Lisa Turtle to come out of her shell" (and I give him a point for that pun)... and when she finally did, she took her requisite turn on the Lopez/Gosselaar ride.
Basically, Diamond says, you can match up the timing of these relationships with the timing of Zack's romances on the show. Kelly got the early years... then Jessie had the kiss during the rehearsal of "Snow White and the Seven Dorks" (eight if you count Studly)... and finally, Lisa got her quick run during her fashion show.
Diamond also seems to take legitimate personal umbrage with how that fashion show episode went down -- he feels that Zack kissing Lisa, while knowing Screech had always loved her, was the ultimate sign that Zack Morris was a Bad Person. It's one of the few times that he allows the line to be blurred between himself and Screech. I would've thought he'd be more upset that he didn't get a ? at Thiessen during the famous "Kelly and Screech? Way to go Screech!" episode. Kevin probably cockblocked him.
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7.When Lark Voorhies was engaged to Martin Lawrence, he abused her (at a minimum verbally). This might be the strangest (and most abstract) scandal that Diamond tries to expose. He basically suggests that Martin Lawrence did something to make Voorhies even more reclusive and non-communicative.
He says that he saw Voorhies shortly after her fiance, Martin Lawrence (yes, the famous one) ended things with her, publicly, on the "Arsenio Hall" show. Diamond says "She flinched whenever a man was near her or a man's voice was suddenly projected toward her. She rocked back and forth mumbling to herself in a very disturbing fashion, as if in her own world. You can draw your own conclusions from that."
So Glennbeckian!
8.
Linda Mancuso.
Dustin Diamond had sex with NBC's VP of children's programming, Linda Mancuso. Diamond doesn't go into too much detail about his other 1,999 sexual partners, but one of the NBC executives who oversaw "SBTB" gets almost an entire chapter.
Mancuso was 18 years older than Diamond but, he says, from the moment they met she treated him like an equal. Eventually, as he got older, that turned into a sexual relationship.
As I read this I kept thinking, "Wow, this is really specific and controversial stuff to be saying about this woman who he seems to really care about -- how ? off is she going to be?" Then I got to the point where he reveals that she died from cancer in 2003. She was 44 at the time of her death.
The skeptic in me quickly thought, "Well, what a convenient story -- the only sexual partner whose name he reveals, and the highest-profile sexual partner at that, is dead." But hey, draw your own conclusions, right?
9.Mark-Paul Gosselaar confessed to the cast that he took steroids before "Saved by the Bell: The College Years". Enough with tell-all books revealing steroid use. Those revelations jumped the shark when Jose Canseco declared that he used to inject steroids right into Mark McGwire's ass. This next decade had better yield an era of tell-alls revealing (1) athletes cheating on wives (spoiler alert: all of them) (2) pop singers who really couldn't sing and (3) plastic surgery confessions.
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Ed "Max" Alonzo used to get ? with Neil Patrick Harris while they talked about magic. This one was probably my favorite. It's about Ed Alonzo, who played the mostly useless character of Max (owner of The Max) during the early years of "SBTB". Max would always do magic on the show, which corresponded to Alonzo being a magician in real life.
Well... Neil Patrick Harris has always been a big fan of magic. (Now, as an adult, he's on the board of LA's famous Magic Castle... and all the magic that Barney does on "How I Met Your Mother" is inspired by Harris's real-life skills.)
So, according to Diamond, "[Alonzo] wound up spending a lot of time with Harris. A lot of time. For a while they were inseparable, going away to perform magic together, conjuring their mystical spells of enchantment. It wasn't until years later that Neil Patrick Harris announced he was ? ."
That's a clever literary way to draw a syllogism... and I completely bought it. What can I say? I'm also the one who spotted Dumbledore as ? from a mile away and saw ? sexual tension in every interaction Harry and Malfoy had for all seven years at Hogwarts.
I just see my homosexual friends slowly but surely taking over magic, the way they took over steelwork, snapping, racquetball and Bravo. (And they'll take over marriage unless you put your foot down. Don't turn around, there may be a ? guy standing over your shoulder, trying to marry you as we speak. It's definitely something that's worth being afraid of and spending millions of dollars to fight against.)
11.Executive producer Peter Engel used to have bisexual threesomes with Tiffani-Amber Thiessen and Mark-Paul Gosselaar in his office. And why not, right?
According to Diamond, Engel was a former ? user and Hollywood party scene guy who saw the light and became a born-again Christian. As the showrunner for "SBTB" he banned swearing on set, and refused to let Bayside High be anything short of a utopia that was as clean as Singapore and pure as Walton's Mountain. (It's why there was never an episode that broached the topic of teen sex.)
But... he really tries to guide the reader into believing Engel, Gosselaar and Thiessen used to get-it-on. He never says it directly, but if he's not implying it, then I surrender my reading comprehension merit badge. Here are a few excerpts, in order, from the section about this.
"I've heard lots of Hollywood hearsay in my day, but I can only vouch for what I saw... here is one of the most ? up things I saw behind the scenes of 'SBTB'. Draw your own conclusions because I still don't know what to make of it.
"[Gosselaar] started getting called to [Engel]'s office for long meetings... and closed the door behind him. Which was weird... because typically Peter kept his office door open.
"[Thiessen] also began to be summoned upstairs for long, cloosed-door meetings... then, both [Gosselaar] and [Thiessen] (!) were called together into [Engel]'s inner sanctuary for another mystery marathon behind closed doors.
"[Gosselaar] and I were selected to go on a Paris [publicity] trip together... lo and behond, [Thiessen] pitched a ? . She went up to [Engel]'s office for another hours-long, closed-door meeting, and when she re-energed it was suddenly her and [Gosselaar] now making the trip.
"[Thiessen] wasn't even supposed to be around for 'The College Years'... all of a sudden, [Thiessen]'s locked again in those troubling closed-door meetings in [Engel]'s office and, voila, she's off to college with the guys. From then on the show's writing became all about Zack and Kelly."
So, yeah. At least through Diamond's eyes, the entire "SBTB" era was pretty much one giant orgy and everyone was invited. (Except Mr. Belding. Dennis Haskins, who Diamond refers to as a close friend, escapes this book with very few mentions and virtually nothing controversial. Either Diamond left him out of the stories, or Rod Belding swooped in and took his spot in all the orgies.) -
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I cant wait to here about the other sitcoms...lol
Watch Carlton and Ashely was gettin it in... -
Some of those theories seem possible others seem like a reach to me.
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The Doug and Hey Arnold theories were disturbing.
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I cant wait to here about the other sitcoms...lol
Watch Carlton and Ashely was gettin it in...
There was one I read where Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were created by the same chemical sludge that blinded Matt Murdock (Daredevil). They even had the comic panel about it too -
Very good ? read @Ocelot...some I knew, some I didn't
I didn't even know about that Hey Arnold theory...that ? is ? up
And Doug molested? WTF? -
The Powerpuff Girls & Samurai Jack were made by the same dude, so I can understand him throwing lil things like the building in both shows
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Very good ? read @Ocelot...some I knew, some I didn't
I didn't even know about that Hey Arnold theory...that ? is ? up
And Doug molested? WTF?
thanks bruh... most of them are weed theory but I heard about the Arnold theory was somewhat true...allparish12 wrote: »reaperbong wrote: »this one is my favorite cracked theory as it explains the unexplained connection between Saved by the Bell and Good Morning Miss Bliss
Why 'Saved by the Bell' is All a Dream: A Conspiracy Theory
Everybody knows about Saved by the Bell. Even if you weren't alive to experience the magic firsthand, you've undoubtedly heard tales of one of the greatest Saturday morning programs of all time from those who were lucky enough to be there.
What you might not know is that before he was on Saved by the Bell, Zack Morris, the hero of the show, was on a somewhat similar show called Good Morning, Miss Bliss (as were Screech, Lisa and Mr. Belding).
While the shows had some similarities (characters), the differences (mind-bending) are glaring and lead to a startling truth:
Good Morning, Miss Bliss
Zack attends middle school in a boring Indiana suburb. He's a minor troublemaker whose plans are always stopped by the intelligent Miss Bliss. Zack's had to deal with being embarrassed in front of classmates, and has had problems with girls. His friends, Mikey and Nikki, won't hesitate to put him in his place. Zack is a child of divorce, and has a brother.
Saved by the Bell
Zack goes to Bayside High in sunny California, where he is everyone's favorite everything. He's the most popular kid in school, and excels in everything: sports, music, casual racism, whatever. He's free to plot and scheme since the only authority is Mr. Belding, who has the IQ of ham (not the good kind, the ? one that comes from a tin). Zack is the alpha in his circle of friends. Mikey and Nikki are not even mentioned as people that exist. Slater, initially Zack's rival, becomes his lackey. Screech, already his lackey, builds a capable and sentient robot buddy.
And probably talked mad ? about it in a tell-all book years later.
Jessie loves him like a brother. Kelly loves him like someone she would have sex with. Kelly disappears without mention and is replaced by Tori, who eventually disappears without mention. Zack and his friends do everything (write songs) and go everywhere (Hawaii) together. Zack's parents are happily married, and as an only child he receives a lot of attention. Mr. Belding wants nothing more than to be his friend. Zack does terribly in school but manages to get an SAT score of 1502, a score that is literally not possible. Oh, he also has the greatest superpower of all time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iO2SirSH7Rg
The Truth: Saved by the Bell Never Happened
It's nothing more than the escapist fantasy of a disillusioned young man named Zack Morris. Oddities or failures (Tori, Kelly dumping him) are simply signs of his subconscious trying to break through. Any problems he has in real life disappear when he's in his dream world. The show even tells us, once every episode, what Zack's real life is actually like in the theme song. The lyrics tell the tale of a day in the life of a high school student, stumbling through an unpleasant world of consequence. He starts in a panic:
By the time I grab my books, and I give myself a look, I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ...
And then later:
If the teacher pops a test, I know I'm in a mess, and my dog ate all my homework last night.
Riding low in my chair, she won't know that I'm there.
As a summary of the show, the theme song makes no sense. Zack has never had a bad day at Bayside in his life. He's never in a mess. Everything bounces off of him. If he's unprepared for a test, he doesn't ride low in his chair like some depressed teenager; he gets the teacher to turn the test into a bake-off, and then wins the bake-off by cheating.
It only starts to make sense when you look at the structure. The song begins with a bell taking the narrator out of his dream world:
When I wake up in the morning, and the 'larm gives out a warnin' ...
The middle of the song takes us through the narrator's miserably realistic life at school. But then at the end of the song, right before the show about Bayside starts, he gets saved by the school bell, which frees him to go home, to a world where ...
... tomorrow it'll be all right. It's alright 'cause I'm saved by the bell.
Thus, the song ends with Zack being released from the harsh realities of life by escaping to the one place where everything is all right for him. A place that exists in the border between today and tomorrow: the night time, when you sleep.
Each Saved by the Bell episode begins with a theme song that tells us what is literally happening in the real world in the time between episodes. Zack is riding low in his chair, not liking how he looks in the mirror and generally eating ? like any other high school student. Then the song's chorus (and the title of the show) releases him to the fantasy world that both he and the show's audience like so much better than real school: the infinite dream world of Bayside High. That dream world constitutes every episodes of Saved by the Bell, and it only exists in the mind of some awkward, pimply faced version of Zack Morris who can't catch a break.
Read more: Why 'Saved by the Bell' is All a Dream: A Conspiracy Theory | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/why-saved-by-bell-all-dream-conspiracy-theory/#ixzz22ZQISuQm
Kelly went to Paris for the modeling shoot...remember that episode...not sure what happened in real life with the actress, but thats where she went on the show...she didnt just disappear...Tori came in and filled that void...now the trip part is, no one ever explained what happened to Tori...she is the one that just disappeared...
as far as the parts of the shows theme song...those lyrics help support "Cause im saved by the bell"...nothing more or less...when you were in school and the teacher was about to say something, the bell rings..they are either gonna give out the assignment anyway, or just wait until the next day...so in theory, if a student (not necessairly zack) is trying to keep a low profile, he is hoping the bell hurry up and rings so he can be saved by it ultimately helping him to survive class that day...
this one is a
Youre right I do remember that episode... Tori was the tom boy right? -
It was reported that while the Predator movie was being filmed Sonny Landham needed a full time bodyguard, not to protect him but to protect others from him as the studio that released Predator the movie knew he had a reputation for going a little crazy so they had a bodyguard with him at all times.
This dude I guess was a bad ass.
"During the filming of Predator (1987) a bodyguard was hired, not for his personal protection, but because the film's insurance company worried for the safety of the cast with him around."
lol @ Apollo Creed, The body Ventura, Bill Dukes, and the Terminator needing protection from this dude.
although this is just alleged. -
It was reported that while the Predator movie was being filmed Sonny Landham needed a full time bodyguard, not to protect him but to protect others from him as the studio that released Predator the movie knew he had a reputation for going a little crazy so they had a bodyguard with him at all times.
This dude I guess was a bad ass.
"During the filming of Predator (1987) a bodyguard was hired, not for his personal protection, but because the film's insurance company worried for the safety of the cast with him around."
lol @ Apollo Creed, The body Ventura, Bill Dukes, and the Terminator needing protection from this dude.
although this is just alleged.
Another thing about Predator was that it came up as a hollywood joke. They were planning for Rocky 3(?) and directors and producers couldn't decide who his opponent would be. Someone joked "why not an alien?". Apparently the guy who would go on to make Predator took that idea and ran with it. Even got Carl Weathers to be in it -
[video]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMEq6IjgR04&feature=player_embedded[/video]
Kubrick trying to tell us something... -
The story of Aladdin is made up by the salesman at the beginning to persuade you to buy the lamp.
The original Scooby Doo series is set after a horrible economic depression. Everything is abandoned and falling apart, and all of the villains are people who would normally be really respected (professors, museum curators, celebrities) who have fallen into hard times just like everyone else. How many times have the gang helped someone NOT go out of business?
At the end of ‘The Thing’ (1982) when Kurt Russell offers Keith David the bottle and he drinks out of it, the bottle is filled with gasoline, one from the Molotovs he was throwing earlier. Since the creature wouldn’t understand what gasoline tastes like, it wouldn’t spit it out.
Sean Connery’s character in The Rock (John Patrick Mason) is actually James Bond. He got caught spying on America and was hidden away in various prisons. “This man does not exist not in the United States or Great Britain” says FBI Director Womack. This ties in with the theory of James Bond being a code name for different agents.
My favorite Star Wars conspiracy is that the Emperor wasn’t spending all those resources creating crazy superweapons like the Death Star and the Sun Crusher and putting together gigantic fleets of Star Destroyers wasn’t to stop the Rebel Alliance, but rather in preparation of the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion that would happen about a quarter century after RoTJ ended.
Now the Emperor is a pretty smart guy. I mean, he got himself elected to Chancellor of the Republic, started a war, earned himself absolute control on both sides of the war, then managed to turn the galaxy against the guys who for a millennium had served as icons of peacekeeping, justice, and democracy. And that takes some serious strategizing! But here’s the thing:
At this point, the Republic was falling apart, with or without a Sith-led Separatist movement to nudge them in the wrong direction. The senate was a ? where nothing ever got done. Corruption reigned supreme. Even the Jedi Council wasn’t doing it’s job properly. Ideally, Jedi are supposed to act as bastions of compassion and moderation. The way the Jedi would be tasked to deal with a situation is as a balancing influence between, say, two conflicting nation-states, or a particularly quarrelsome trade agreement. Everyone respected and would listen to a Jedi, and even without acting on behalf of the Republic, they should be able to arrive on a scene and be able to allow discussion and bureaucracy to flourish. Instead, the Jedi Council of the waning days of the Republic had grown inward and conservative, spending all their time meditating on the state of the galaxy and not enough time heading out there and fixing ? . This held throughout the war, when Jedi were surprisingly quick to jump to open combat as opposed to discussion.
In short, the Republic was completely and utterly unprepared for a real invasion, from a force that wasn’t being controlled by a puppetmaster who was preventing either side from gaining an advantage until the moment was right. The kinds of fleets that were commonplace in the Empire would have been impossible for the Republic to even agree to create, let alone have the wherewithal to actually build. What Palpatine did was take a failing system and tear it out by the roots, replacing it with a brutally efficient, military-industrial focused society – one that could adequately prepare for an invasion of the scale of the Yuuzhan Vong were already beginning.
Second of all, if you think about it, creating a weapon that can destroy planets doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when you’re fighting a war against a well funded, but decentralized and scattered rebellion. The Rebel Alliance wasn’t fighting a war of planets or borders or resources, they were fighting a war of attrition. What good is the ability to destroy a planet when your enemy doesn’t even officially control any? The destruction of Alderaan, the only notable use of the Death Star, was a move made by Grand Moff Tarkin, whose Tarkin Doctrine, though it heavily influenced the way the Empire kept a tight grip on even the furthest systems, was not the ultimate purpose of the “ultimate weapon”. Tarkin was convinced that the Death Star was his tool, one of intimidation and despotism, that he could use it to keep the Alliance, the biggest threat to his power, at bay. And we all know how that venture turned out.
No, the real purpose of the Death Star was to be able to fight a force that could completely terraform an entire planet into a gigantic, organic shipyard in a matter of months, and was backed by dozens of 100+ Kilometer across worldships. In fact, without the timely arrival of the seed of the original Yuuzhan Vong homeworld, Zonama Sekot, and a Jedi-influenced heretic cult that spurred a slave uprising, it’s very unlikely that the denizens of the galaxy could have survived the war at all under the leadership of the New Republic. In fact, it’s not really even fair to say that they “won” the war in any sense, with a sizable portion of the population of the galaxy eradicated, Coruscant, the former shining jewel at the heart of every major government for millennia, captured and terraformed beyond recognition, and the New Republic forced to reconstruct itself as the Galactic Alliance. Undoubtedly, for all it’s flaws, the Empire could have hammered out a far less Pyrrhic victory over the Vong. And if Palpatine hadn’t underestimated the abilities of both the rebellion he never considered a comparable threat, and one young Jedi, perhaps the galaxy could have avoided the deaths of uncountable sentients during the Yuuzhan Vong war years later.
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In the beginning of 2001: A Spacy Odyssey a black screen is displayed while music plays for a few minutes before the film starts. Its believed that this is the monolith tilted 90 degrees and taking up the entire screen, as if the entire film is a technological and evolutionary advancement that Kubrick is bestowing us.
Ridley Scott finally closed the debate a few years ago as to whether or not Deckard was actually a replicant in Blade Runner (he totally was), but to take this one step further, he was a replicant implanted with the memories of Gaff (Edward James Olmos’ character). Gaff was actually the top Blade Runner, but was sidelined due to some injury or illness (hence the cane), and so Deckard was created and implanted with Gaff’s memories to continue the search for Roy Batty and friends. This explains why Gaff never really does anything aside from drive Deckard around and why he treats him with such contempt. Gaff’s origami also hint at Deckard’s true nature, as they seem to demonstrate an insight into what Deckard is feeling; a chicken when he is feeling scared, a stick man with a ? when he is about to meet the smoking hot Rachael, and the unicorn from Deckard’s recurring dream. It also helps explain the compliment Gaff pays Deckard at the end of the film, after he apparently hovered above the building and watched Batty nearly ? Deckard without intervening, he lands and says, “you’ve done a man’s job,” which is the highest praise you could give to a replicant.
The Jetsons and the Flintstones are two portions of the same society. The people living in Bedrock are actually members of a far future (one may say post-human) society that have rejected the day to day electronic assistance to live like their long-dead ancestors did (or at least what they think they lived like; history has lost a bit in translation). This explains the talking animals: They’re just synthetic creations. It’s been so long since any actual animal lived that didn’t have human communication bred/written into it that the “ferals” don’t realize how silly it is to be talking with creatures that didn’t even exist alongside early humans. -
The rock, jetsons, and scooby doo is interesting.
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How about mighty max? Is he based on a real character the goverment used teleportation with? Lol
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My favorite theory...
Squall is Dead
The Theory
At the end of disc one, Squall and Friends face Edea on a parade float in Deling City. After the fight, when Edea seems defeated, she conjures an enormous ice shard and propels it through Squall’s chest. Squall stumbles back and falls off the platform. He sees Rinoa above, reaching to him as he falls. Squall closes his eyes and dies. The entire remaining game time, from the beginning of disc two to the second half of the ending movie, is a dream.
A dream?
Uh huh. A dream, a fantasy, a vision, or whatever you want to call it. The “dream” is basically an extension of the “your life flashes before your eyes” concept. The entire dream takes only a matter of seconds, but for Squall is passes in real time. For Squall, it’s about the endless possibilities he could have seen realized. Squall explores the questions that were raised on the first disc but he was not able to answer in his lifetime. These questions include, but are not limited to:
Who is the Sorceress Edea? What are her goals and motivation? Where do her powers come from? Why was Seifer in the parade with Edea when he was reported executed? Who was the girl (Ellone) that Squall and Quistis saw in the Garden training center? Who is Laguna and why did Squall, Selphie, and Zell all have the same dream about him? And, most importantly, who is Squall? Who were his parents? Why did they leave him at the orphanage? Where does he come from, and what would he have done with his life had he not died?
Standard interpretations of the story
Today’s understanding of the events of Final Fantasy VIII comprise of a mixed bag. Most people focus on who Ultimecia is, what her motives are, and what happens after her defeat. This has led to the misinterpretation of the evidence and symbolism pointing towards Squall’s death. Some evidence that formerly appeared to be vague and inconclusive now represent clear allusions and references to the subtlety of Final Fantasy VIII’s “obscured” meaning.
In fact, the popular opinion of Final Fantasy VIII falls exactly in line with the nature of the elements of the plot that are consistent within the dream theory, and those that are not. For instance, one of the biggest criticisms of the game is that the “orphanage plot twist” appears to be completely random and come out of nowhere. It appears to be too convenient, for how could all the main characters have possibly grown up together in the same orphanage? The brilliance of the dream theory is that it addresses concerns like these and offers a logical explanation.
Supporting Evidence
1. “You've become just a memory”
In the latter half of disc one, two conversations take place concerning Seifer’s fate and if he will be executed for attacking the president of Galbadia. During these sections of dialogue, Squall muses to himself on the existential qualities of death. ““Will they talk about me this way if I die too? Squall was this and that. Using the past tense, saying whatever they want? So this is what death is all about…”” In this manner Squall considers his own death and what little difference it will make for the world. This serves as foreboding, an ominous suggestion to the viewer that ill times are ahead.
Also note this excerpt from the first conversation concerning Seifer’s possible execution:
‘(Think what you want...Reality isn't so kind. Everything doesn't work out the way you want it to. That's why...) "As long as you don't get your hopes up, you can take anything... You feel less pain. Anyway, whatever wish you have is none of my business."’
Here Squall states the obvious: ? happens. People die, and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s just the way the world is. ““Everything doesn’t work out the way you want it to.”” Not only is this foreshadowing, but it’s also contrary to what some consider a central theme to Final Fantasy VIII’s story: fate. (We’ll come back to this point later.)
2. “My wound? …No wound…?”
The attempted assassination of Edea by SeeD at Deling City at the end of Disc 1 is where everything starts (and ends). Squall engages Edea and Seifer in battle on the parade float. After the battle ends, Edea casts a spell on him.
Here's the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AtnnWfpWJGo
After the encounter between Squall and Edea, Squall wakes up in a cell in the Galbadian desert prison. His first dialogue is:
‘(...Where am I? I...challenged Edea... My wound...? No wound...? How...? The Galbadian soldiers... ...We were surrounded. He was there... Seifer, leering down at me.) "Damn you, Seifer!"’
Apparently Squall’s healthy and good-to-go. It is never again referenced directly in the entire game, nor is it ever explained what happened to his wound or how he survived. And remember, a piece of ice half as long as Squall himself went through his chest and came out the other side. This is no mere scratch that is so carelessly tossed aside. Most players seem to assume that Edea healed Squall to full health for the purpose of interrogation, but why would she? Seifer knows that Squall is no great captain from Balamb Garden. He’s no more privy to top secret information than are the other three. If Edea wanted to know more about SeeD, she should be interrogating Quistis, who’s been a SeeD for three years and who has been teaching SeeDs for one year. Squall has been a SeeD for all of two weeks. Why go through all the effort of killing him just to bring him to full health when he’s obviously a threat to her?
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3. “I don’t know what’s going on anymore!”
As some of you may have noticed, the plot takes a few unanticipated turns after the end of disc one. At first the transition is rather subtle. When plot twists are introduced, they are fully explained and are not in conflict with existing plot information. In fact, the more you learn about this world, the more everything seems to make perfect sense. Everything fits together in an elaborate but perfectly designed puzzle. Everything connects and everything is related. And yet it still seems absolutely ridiculous.
The story takes on a dream-like quality that centers itself on Squall and everything Squall has ever wanted. The dream goes on to explain everything Squall wanted to know, but it also treads through the realm of egoist fantasy. It spins off into a world of impossible where monsters come from the moon and Squall, merely a newly recruited cadet, goes on to save our world as we know it from an evil sorceress from the future. And he gets the girl. Let’s look at some specific examples.
a. One word: MOOMBAS.
As soon as I saw those red lion Pokémons running around on the screen, I knew there was something strange happening.
The first disc had a fairly high level of realism despite the fantasy and low sci-fi topics present. The characters were all human, and outside of “monsters” there were no unearthly creatures to be seen. Rinoa had a dog that attacks for her at times, as earthly dogs are known to do. But there weren’t any fluffy feline creatures running around yelling “Laguna! Laguna!”
Of course, Moombas are explained within the context of the game. In the Shumi Village you can learn who the Moombas are, who they evolve from, and so on and so forth. The game takes the plot developments of the dream very seriously and treats them all as truth, which makes the dream theory especially difficult to argue. Sure, all this stuff seems weird, but how do we know that it’s all intended to be a dream? Maybe the creators just thought it’d be cool to have talking cats around! And who knows, maybe they did. But I think it’s more than convenient that the more fantastical elements, such as talking lions, do not appear in the game until after the moment where Squall may have died.
It should also be noted that Moombas, these benevolent creatures that try to help Squall and his friends escape despite their limited verbal communication, are literally lions. And lions, of course, are of particular importance to Squall whose symbol is a lion named Griever. The moombas and the Griever’s appearance in the final battle with Ultimecia can therefore be explained as manifestations of Squall’s mind.
b. “Fushururu...3-SECONDS-ARE-UP”
Okay, we already covered the Moombas and the Shumi, but I still wanted to say:
Wtf?! The Master of Garden is a giant yellow sloth alien creature? You gotta be kidding me!!
I dunno about you guys, but this is typical dream material in my opinion. Of course, NORG and his kind are fully explained in the game if you take the time to seek the information they present, but there are no hints presented in the story to suggest this sort of twist was coming. When walking around the Garden in the beginning of the game, you often see the cult-looking guys in red robes wandering about and sometimes conversing with you briefly. I more than once thought they looked a bit creepy though, and I can easily imagine that Squall would have thought the same and integrated their possible backstory into his dream.
Not only is there no evidence leading up to this discovery, after Squall and Friends ? NORG, that’s it. Nothing happens. Squall speaks to Cid, but he doesn’t even talk about it. I expected him at least to say, “Oh, by the way Cid, I just killed that big slimy dude that was hanging around in the basement yelling orders and acting all powerful and stuff. Hope that’s no prob’.” There’s no retaliation, no consequences, nothing. The story goes on as if NORG had never come into it.
Also in the NORG section, another little twist comes to the surface. Cid and Edea are married! It’s another typical twist; the only important older male character and the only important older female character are married and have a backstory that goes back decades. And, like NORG, it comes completely out of left-field. The twist does not conflict with existing story information, yet it seems so out-of-place and unrealistic.
I’m not even going to bother discussing the floating Garden. You guys get the point.
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c. “Perhaps it’s fate.”
And we’re back to the fate question. What I wanted to point out on the subject of fate and destiny and all that hullabaloo is simply this: the subject of fate does not come up until after the end of disc one. The word “fate” comes up only once on the first disc. When Squall and Friends get the last train for Deling City moments before it disembarks, Irvine comments on the luck by saying, "Hmm... Perhaps it's fate?" After the first disc of the game, however, fate becomes a frequent subject of conversation. It’s SeeD’s destiny to defeat the Sorceress; it’s Squall’s fate to lead Garden; Squall’s destined to face Seifer, etc.
Fate becomes such a prevalent topic that many players come away feeling that fate was one of the most important elements of the Final Fantasy VIII story and the answer to all questions. Fate is the reason why this lowly cadet instantaneously becomes the leader of Garden. Fate is the reason why everyone in your party apparently knew each other as children. Fate is the reason why everything falls into place like a perfect fantasy.
d. “Just stay close to me.”
Speaking of a perfect fantasy, the romantic storyline of Final Fantasy VIII is just that. The romantic plotline, which many fans consider to the most successful element of the game, is completely fabricated for Squall’s personal satisfaction. Not only does Rinoa show little appreciation for Squall through disc one, but there are many allusions to her on-going relationship with Seifer. Their relationship appears to have been on a sort of hiatus while Seifer was studying at the Balamb Garden, but their affection and romantic connection is still in place when this story occurs.
In the ballroom scene, Rinoa flirts with Squall casually, but appears to take no actual interest in him as an individual. She tells him honestly, as she drags him out to dance, that she’s waiting for someone else.
Squall: “...I can't dance.”
Rinoa: “You'll be fine. Come on. I'm looking for someone. I can't be on the dance floor alone.”
After a quick dance and a swoon from the female fans, Rinoa wordlessly brushes him off and leaves to find Seifer. Her abruptness suggests that her real interest lies elsewhere. The next time Squall sees Rinoa, it’s in Timber. Rinoa is overjoyed to see him, but only because he’s a member of SeeD.
Rinoa: "Hey... You're...! You know, from the party... So...does that mean... You're a SeeD!?"
Squall: "I'm Squall, the squad leader. There's two others with me."
Rinoa: "YEEESSSS! SeeD is here!"
Here we also learn that Rinoa knows Seifer, from the party and from before. Her demeanor suggests a fondness for him that she does not openly let on.
Squall: "Oh... So you were looking for the headmaster at the party?"
Rinoa: "You know Seifer?"
Squall: "...Yeah."
Rinoa: "Well, he's the one who introduced me to Cid. Cid is such a nice man. I really didn't think SeeD would come out to help a measly little group like us. But after explaining our situation to him, Cid gave the go ahead right away! Now that you guys are here, we'll be able to carry out all kinds of plans!"
……
Squall: "I'm goin' back to the others."
Rinoa: "Ok, let's go! Umm, Squall. Is 'he' here?"
Squall: ('He'?)
Rinoa: "Seifer."
Squall: "...... No, he's not a SeeD."
After the events at Timber, when the party discusses Seifer’s execution, Rinoa speaks more openly on her relationship with Seifer.
Rinoa: "I...really liked him. He was always full of confidence, smart... Just by talking to him, I felt like I could take on the world."
Selphie: "Your boyfriend?"
Rinoa: "I don't really know. I... I think it was love. I wonder how he felt...?"
Selphie: "Do you still like him?"
Rinoa: "If I didn't, I wouldn't be talking about it. It was last summer... I was 16. Lots of fond memories..."
Firstly, Rinoa is obviously quite taken with Seifer, and though she doesn’t classify herself as his girlfriend, she admits she thinks it may be love. This is not a good beginning to a love story for Squall and Rinoa. Secondly, Rinoa appears to fully dislike Squall’s cold and introverted personality. She calls him mean, callous, insensitive, and chastises him for not communicating his thoughts to her and the others in the party.
Rinoa does not show Squall the least bit of affection until the end of disc one when Squall and Irvine save her from some strange iguana creatures. In this scene, she clutches Squall’s arm shamelessly in her traumatized state.
Rinoa: "I was scared..." [Rinoa clings to his arm.] "...Really scared."
Squall: "It's over now."
Rinoa: "I was scared... I was really, really scared."
Squall: "You're used to battles, aren't you?"
Rinoa: "I couldn't...I just couldn't. I couldn't fight alone..."
Squall: (...You're not ready for all this.) "Better get going." [Rinoa clings to his arm again after he bats it away.] "I haven't forgotten your order. Just stay close to me."
A few moments later, at the sniper position, Squall considers the possibility that he may have to fight Seifer as an enemy. He mentions the possibility to Rinoa, who obviously may be heavily affected by Squall trying to ? her romantic interest.
Squall: "Rinoa. Seifer's alive. He was in the parade with the sorceress."
Rinoa: "...What does it mean?"
Squall: "Who knows." (If I were to face the sorceress directly... Would I have to go through Seifer? ...That's the way it goes as a SeeD. You can't choose your enemies...) "I may end up killing Seifer."
Rinoa: "You're both...prepared, right? That's the kind of world you live in. You've had a lot of emotional training. But... Of course, I'd rather it not happen..."
Rinoa appears to accept that if Seifer is protecting the Sorceress, it is necessary to dispose of him.
I think it’s important to note that at this point in the game, at the end of disc one, Squall is aware of Rinoa’s relationship with Seifer and does not seem threatened by it. Furthermore, Squall does not want to ? Seifer. Squall and Seifer have a history of quarrels and petty competition, but Seifer is still a comrade. In the final exam in Balamb, Squall and Zell worked together with Seifer despite their differences. The only reason to ? Seifer is his apparent alignment with the Sorceress, which is never fully explained.
After disc one, the complexity of this situation becomes much simpler. The relationship Rinoa and Seifer had is never again mentioned, except by Seifer in the form of taunts during battle. Rinoa herself seems to have completely distanced herself from Seifer, and Seifer’s enemy status is never again questioned. Seifer began as a rather complex character, an enemy at times to Squall and Zell but still a friend in battle. He broke out of the Garden’s disciplinary wing to risk his life for Rinoa, who found his courage inspiring. After disc one he is a villain and his only goal appears to be serving the Sorceress. I personally expected Seifer to have been brain-washed or mind-controlled, and I spent a majority of the game waiting for Seifer to “snap out of it” and join Squall’s team, but he never does. The story just accepts that Seifer is now evil and must be killed. It’s so simple and, well, convenient.
Seifer, who was Squall’s personal tormenter and rival in school, has become a major villain to the world and all of his friends. And since Seifer is out of the way, his would-be girlfriend--Rinoa--is now single and apparently falling for Squall though she never took an interest in him before.
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4. The End
At the very end of the game, just as you’re beating the final boss, Ultimecia, she starts to say some strange things, statements that appear very out-of-context for a final battle.
"Reflect on your... Childhood..."
"Your sensation... Your words... Your emotions..."
"Time... It will not wait..."
"No matter... ...how hard you hold on. It escapes you..."
When I read those words, a chill ran up my spine. With every attack, you bring down Ultimecia’? points, and you bring Squall’s dream to a close. Squall, oblivious, fights on, and only this figment of his imagination seems aware of what is happening.
There is a short story segment here involving Squall going back in time to the orphanage and seeing Ultimecia pass on her powers to Edea in the past. Then Squall leaves in search of his “own time”, and is shown wandering in a desert place. He appears to be “lost in time” and unable to find his way back his normal time period.
Squall finds himself on a small rock island, isolated and helpless. He drops himself on the ground, exhausted. Then, upon catching a feather floating towards him, he finds himself where Rinoa is. He calls out her name, and she turns to face him. This is where the weird ? starts happening.
Rinoa turns to Squall, but her face is blurred. There’s a shot of Seifer as the movie cuts to the ballroom scene. Here we see Rinoa again, and again she turns towards the camera as she did in the ballroom scene on disc one. But she’s blurry and messed up again. The shot continues to repeat, and every time Rinoa’s face and form are blurred, and the effect seems to be getting worse each time. What is happening here?
It is my belief that as Squall’s dream is coming to a close, he is starting to lose touch with his own memories. He is trying to picture Rinoa, the object of his fantasy, but he can’t quite remember the shape of her face. He is going over that moment in the ballroom, when he first saw her, again and again in his mind, focusing closer on her face and trying to see her the way that she was.
I have seen this specific visual symbolism once before, in Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind. In Eternal Sunshine, the protagonist, Joel, has his memory erased because he wants to forget his ex-girlfriend. But, in the course of the procedure, Joel realizes what he is losing and tries to hold on to his precious memories. He tries to remember the things they have already erased, just to find the characters in his memory are faceless, blurred beyond recognition.
As Squall is visualizing Rinoa in the ballroom, we start to see some quick shots interrupting the movie. The first one, as I already mentioned, was of Seifer. What is noteworthy about the shot of Seifer is that it shows him in the torchlight from the parade float where Edea tried to ? Squall with an ice spell.
This discussion has been closed.