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CashmoneyDux wrote: »The Misadventures of BigSleeze Chapter 2
So after my divorce, I kinda had my internet game poppin. Met this older older chick on the fish tank (pof) in the same town as my ex and son & set it up for the weekend I was gonna be visiting. I go to his bball game, we go eat at that weekend daddy ? . Well the whole time we kickin it, the chick is blowing up my phone, sending pics just being a lil too overzealous. So finally we get together meet at a lil sports bar. We having drinks, she talking about her "? daughter", and baby daddy that's in jail. So I already know I got a winner. Then I'm ready to go, so I ask her if she wanna get outta there. Nah, she wanna order some Buffalo wings. Now I've watched her have like 4 shots of stolis, and down 2 modelos at this point, and in my mind I'm knowing that this ain't gonna end well, and I tell her I don't think she should do that. She just keep on with her order. So after a 3rd beer, and 8 wings she's ready to go.
We go back to my room and she hits the shower (u didn't take one before u came?), whatever tho right? So we rockin, ? was wide as ? (like throwin a hotdog down a hallway) I'm regretting being there, so I flip her into missionary, push them legs back to her head and start dumpin d in the broad. A few minutes go by, I start smellin something...I stop ask and look..the ? done ? herself! I start flippin out, she start crying. Trying to blame me for puttin too much pressure on her when I had her folded over. I'm naw ? , I told yo ass not to eat them ? wings after u drank all that ? beer! So I made her strip the bed n flip the mattress. She leaves all the sheets and blankets balled up in the corner. I got my shower, checked out early and slept in my car...smh
Bruh I'm betting that was the same reaction the house keeper gave when she unraveled them sheets -
? slept in the car like a divorced ? when he had a hotel at his disposal hahahahaha
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The Misadventures of Big Sleeze
Chapter Three
So another night of club hoppin, not really a whole bunch shakin. So i find my way to my favorite spot to try to come up on a weak gazelle. Im a couple of drinks in, and i notice this tall blonde big tiddy chick eyeballin me. I wave her over, she struttin over like she on a mission, so i know it on. Her name, Candy. Her profession, stripper. Already im plannin out how imma have her workin for me. So i thought... We have a couple more drinks then slide to her place. We get there, all the lights are off she goes in first but i hear somebody cough. So i look at her like wtf. Shes like dont worry bout him, hes just watchin my kids. Hmmm kids you say? Aight whatever, im there on a mission, ill worry about all that later (plus i got the lil sigma series on me). She tells me to make myself comfortable while she take care of dude. Well for some reason they get to hollerin back n forth, and she tells dude well you can get your ? and ? ! He hollerin, he dont want u for ? but your money!
So real quick, im assumin at some point in time she done gave him some and now he dont know how to act. Classic sucker for it. Sigma from pants pocket to jacket pocket... Anyway, they go back n forth for a couple more minutes then dude leave. So after choppin it with her a few more minutes, i find out dude is the best friend of one of the kids dad, and the dad had died. He stay tryin ti come around and "help the fam"..more on him later. Anyway we end up in her bedroom and start the session. Well a few minutes in i see a shadow outside the window. Dude never ? left, he out there ? watchin! So at first im like wtf, then the ? in me came alive and im in there flexin like lex luger from wcw, doin all kinda wild ? . So after, she layin there tryin to cuddle n ? , so i tell her dude was peepin thru the window. Thats when she spill the rest of the beans and tell me dude sell dope and his stash in the basement (and yeah she ? him lol). So im like i need to ? of there. So over the next few days she had been hittin me up to come thru, but i wanted to stall her out a lil bit. She buyin me ? (among other things a ? dog) , takin me out to eat, givin me brain at the pickup window at hardees, she was really down for the cause. She finally tell me she made dude get his ? and get out. Cool.
Well i finally get over there, im chillin and her phone rings. Its dude. So they talk, she hangs up. Then she tells me dude wants to come in and use the bathroom. Im like wtf?! Its your house do what u want. Sigma in the couch...dude comes in, looks at me then goes into the bathroom. Hes in there for a few minutes, then comes out and leaves. Now im sittin there thinkin..hmm thats odd, no toilet flush, not water ran. Somethin is up. So i go lookin,and in the garbage can..a needle, a shoe string, a spoon and about a quarter of soft. So about two minutes later he calls back, sayin hes gonna call the police and child services and tell em she usin and abusin. So i call somebody i know who mess with party favors took care of the soft. Tossed the other ? in the sewer a few blocks away. Told her i was done with that whole situation. About a week later, she call tryin to get back. She dont know how to deal bc she aint never been left before. Blah blah blah. So later that day im out in the driveway givin the dog a bath, and i see a flower truck creepin by. Im lookin and i think to myself..nah. So the truck backs up and the lady driving asks if i know "big sleeze". So she gets out brings me this huge ass thing of flowers. Tells me i need to read the card "bc her and the girls ? a kick out of it". The card read: You bring the body, ill bring the whipped cream". Right then, i called her back told her thanks but no thanks. She asked for the dog back which turned out to be one of her sons. I sold the flowers to one of my guys who didnt buy ? for his moms bday and changed my ? number. ? strippers man smh. -
I ? up.
So I wanted to go out but the lady was on some ? . Trying to tell me I couldn't go, but I'm like ? all that. So I go out and I'm club hoppin and I run into my ex. Not just any ex but the one whose virginity I took. So I figure easy ? . Well I'm dancin with her, couple of drinks and I'm eyeballin the door. Case closed right? Nope! So I see this chick with a fat ol donkey that I've seen a few times and I really wanted to see what it was hittin for. So I'm eyeballin her, dancin with the ex, ignoring my woman's calls. Well while I'm dancin with the ex, ol phat ass decides she wants to cut in. Well the ex got upset and ducked off somewhere. Well I see it's big bootys Birthday, so I pin a 20 on her shirt. She grindin and grabbing so I'm like hey, lets bounce. She tells me to follow her to her place. Cool right? *Charlie Murphy voice* WRONG! This chick stays in the ? projects! So automatically I'm like ? , what did I get myself into? So we go in, we hit the couch. She must have been WAAAY more ? than I thought BC she super sloppy at this point. Generally, I'm not ? no sloppy ? chick, but ? it right. Well its getting ready to go down, she comes up for air and I see something move out the corner of my eye. It's a ? shorty! He askin for something to drink, she hollerin, telling him go back to bed. I'm looking out the window making sure my car still there. The ? is killing my buzz. So I'm bout to bounce, she like naw its cool. So she get back to business, its going down on the couch. This ? ? around and passed out. I can't even finish. I'm ? , so I go bird bath in the sink. Politely unpin my 20 + 5 singles for my trouble. Had a big ass cup of juicy juice and bounced. Tried to call the ex, no answer. Get back to the spot, house smelled like ass. Ain't that a ? !
Whoa whoa whoa..... ? smelled bdussy when you walked in your spot???? Hahahahaha I'm dead!!! -
The Misadventures of Big Sleeze
Chapter Three
So another night of club hoppin, not really a whole bunch shakin. So i find my way to my favorite spot to try to come up on a weak gazelle. Im a couple of drinks in, and i notice this tall blonde big tiddy chick eyeballin me. I wave her over, she struttin over like she on a mission, so i know it on. Her name, Candy. Her profession, stripper. Already im plannin out how imma have her workin for me. So i thought... We have a couple more drinks then slide to her place. We get there, all the lights are off she goes in first but i hear somebody cough. So i look at her like wtf. Shes like dont worry bout him, hes just watchin my kids. Hmmm kids you say? Aight whatever, im there on a mission, ill worry about all that later (plus i got the lil sigma series on me). She tells me to make myself comfortable while she take care of dude. Well for some reason they get to hollerin back n forth, and she tells dude well you can get your ? and ? ! He hollerin, he dont want u for ? but your money!
So real quick, im assumin at some point in time she done gave him some and now he dont know how to act. Classic sucker for it. Sigma from pants pocket to jacket pocket... Anyway, they go back n forth for a couple more minutes then dude leave. So after choppin it with her a few more minutes, i find out dude is the best friend of one of the kids dad, and the dad had died. He stay tryin ti come around and "help the fam"..more on him later. Anyway we end up in her bedroom and start the session. Well a few minutes in i see a shadow outside the window. Dude never ? left, he out there ? watchin! So at first im like wtf, then the ? in me came alive and im in there flexin like lex luger from wcw, doin all kinda wild ? . So after, she layin there tryin to cuddle n ? , so i tell her dude was peepin thru the window. Thats when she spill the rest of the beans and tell me dude sell dope and his stash in the basement (and yeah she ? him lol). So im like i need to ? of there. So over the next few days she had been hittin me up to come thru, but i wanted to stall her out a lil bit. She buyin me ? (among other things a ? dog) , takin me out to eat, givin me brain at the pickup window at hardees, she was really down for the cause. She finally tell me she made dude get his ? and get out. Cool.
Well i finally get over there, im chillin and her phone rings. Its dude. So they talk, she hangs up. Then she tells me dude wants to come in and use the bathroom. Im like wtf?! Its your house do what u want. Sigma in the couch...dude comes in, looks at me then goes into the bathroom. Hes in there for a few minutes, then comes out and leaves. Now im sittin there thinkin..hmm thats odd, no toilet flush, not water ran. Somethin is up. So i go lookin,and in the garbage can..a needle, a shoe string, a spoon and about a quarter of soft. So about two minutes later he calls back, sayin hes gonna call the police and child services and tell em she usin and abusin. So i call somebody i know who mess with party favors took care of the soft. Tossed the other ? in the sewer a few blocks away. Told her i was done with that whole situation. About a week later, she call tryin to get back. She dont know how to deal bc she aint never been left before. Blah blah blah. So later that day im out in the driveway givin the dog a bath, and i see a flower truck creepin by. Im lookin and i think to myself..nah. So the truck backs up and the lady driving asks if i know "big sleeze". So she gets out brings me this huge ass thing of flowers. Tells me i need to read the card "bc her and the girls ? a kick out of it". The card read: You bring the body, ill bring the whipped cream". Right then, i called her back told her thanks but no thanks. She asked for the dog back which turned out to be one of her sons. I sold the flowers to one of my guys who didnt buy ? for his moms bday and changed my ? number. ? strippers man smh.
how she knew where u lived tho -
Lurkristocrat wrote: »The Misadventures of Big Sleeze
Chapter Three
So another night of club hoppin, not really a whole bunch shakin. So i find my way to my favorite spot to try to come up on a weak gazelle. Im a couple of drinks in, and i notice this tall blonde big tiddy chick eyeballin me. I wave her over, she struttin over like she on a mission, so i know it on. Her name, Candy. Her profession, stripper. Already im plannin out how imma have her workin for me. So i thought... We have a couple more drinks then slide to her place. We get there, all the lights are off she goes in first but i hear somebody cough. So i look at her like wtf. Shes like dont worry bout him, hes just watchin my kids. Hmmm kids you say? Aight whatever, im there on a mission, ill worry about all that later (plus i got the lil sigma series on me). She tells me to make myself comfortable while she take care of dude. Well for some reason they get to hollerin back n forth, and she tells dude well you can get your ? and ? ! He hollerin, he dont want u for ? but your money!
So real quick, im assumin at some point in time she done gave him some and now he dont know how to act. Classic sucker for it. Sigma from pants pocket to jacket pocket... Anyway, they go back n forth for a couple more minutes then dude leave. So after choppin it with her a few more minutes, i find out dude is the best friend of one of the kids dad, and the dad had died. He stay tryin ti come around and "help the fam"..more on him later. Anyway we end up in her bedroom and start the session. Well a few minutes in i see a shadow outside the window. Dude never ? left, he out there ? watchin! So at first im like wtf, then the ? in me came alive and im in there flexin like lex luger from wcw, doin all kinda wild ? . So after, she layin there tryin to cuddle n ? , so i tell her dude was peepin thru the window. Thats when she spill the rest of the beans and tell me dude sell dope and his stash in the basement (and yeah she ? him lol). So im like i need to ? of there. So over the next few days she had been hittin me up to come thru, but i wanted to stall her out a lil bit. She buyin me ? (among other things a ? dog) , takin me out to eat, givin me brain at the pickup window at hardees, she was really down for the cause. She finally tell me she made dude get his ? and get out. Cool.
Well i finally get over there, im chillin and her phone rings. Its dude. So they talk, she hangs up. Then she tells me dude wants to come in and use the bathroom. Im like wtf?! Its your house do what u want. Sigma in the couch...dude comes in, looks at me then goes into the bathroom. Hes in there for a few minutes, then comes out and leaves. Now im sittin there thinkin..hmm thats odd, no toilet flush, not water ran. Somethin is up. So i go lookin,and in the garbage can..a needle, a shoe string, a spoon and about a quarter of soft. So about two minutes later he calls back, sayin hes gonna call the police and child services and tell em she usin and abusin. So i call somebody i know who mess with party favors took care of the soft. Tossed the other ? in the sewer a few blocks away. Told her i was done with that whole situation. About a week later, she call tryin to get back. She dont know how to deal bc she aint never been left before. Blah blah blah. So later that day im out in the driveway givin the dog a bath, and i see a flower truck creepin by. Im lookin and i think to myself..nah. So the truck backs up and the lady driving asks if i know "big sleeze". So she gets out brings me this huge ass thing of flowers. Tells me i need to read the card "bc her and the girls ? a kick out of it". The card read: You bring the body, ill bring the whipped cream". Right then, i called her back told her thanks but no thanks. She asked for the dog back which turned out to be one of her sons. I sold the flowers to one of my guys who didnt buy ? for his moms bday and changed my ? number. ? strippers man smh.
how she knew where u lived tho
Maybe the ? in the window found out -
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The Misadventures of BigSleeze Chapter 2
So after my divorce, I kinda had my internet game poppin. Met this older older chick on the fish tank (pof) in the same town as my ex and son & set it up for the weekend I was gonna be visiting. I go to his bball game, we go eat at that weekend daddy ? . Well the whole time we kickin it, the chick is blowing up my phone, sending pics just being a lil too overzealous. So finally we get together meet at a lil sports bar. We having drinks, she talking about her "? daughter", and baby daddy that's in jail. So I already know I got a winner. Then I'm ready to go, so I ask her if she wanna get outta there. Nah, she wanna order some Buffalo wings. Now I've watched her have like 4 shots of stolis, and down 2 modelos at this point, and in my mind I'm knowing that this ain't gonna end well, and I tell her I don't think she should do that. She just keep on with her order. So after a 3rd beer, and 8 wings she's ready to go.
We go back to my room and she hits the shower (u didn't take one before u came?), whatever tho right? So we rockin, ? was wide as ? (like throwin a hotdog down a hallway) I'm regretting being there, so I flip her into missionary, push them legs back to her head and start dumpin d in the broad. A few minutes go by, I start smellin something...I stop ask and look..the ? done ? herself! I start flippin out, she start crying. Trying to blame me for puttin too much pressure on her when I had her folded over. I'm naw ? , I told yo ass not to eat them ? wings after u drank all that ? beer! So I made her strip the bed n flip the mattress. She leaves all the sheets and blankets balled up in the corner. I got my shower, checked out early and slept in my car...smh
Ole ? ass ?
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The Misadventures of Big Sleeze
Chapter Three
So another night of club hoppin, not really a whole bunch shakin. So i find my way to my favorite spot to try to come up on a weak gazelle. Im a couple of drinks in, and i notice this tall blonde big tiddy chick eyeballin me. I wave her over, she struttin over like she on a mission, so i know it on. Her name, Candy. Her profession, stripper. Already im plannin out how imma have her workin for me. So i thought... We have a couple more drinks then slide to her place. We get there, all the lights are off she goes in first but i hear somebody cough. So i look at her like wtf. Shes like dont worry bout him, hes just watchin my kids. Hmmm kids you say? Aight whatever, im there on a mission, ill worry about all that later (plus i got the lil sigma series on me). She tells me to make myself comfortable while she take care of dude. Well for some reason they get to hollerin back n forth, and she tells dude well you can get your ? and ? ! He hollerin, he dont want u for ? but your money!
So real quick, im assumin at some point in time she done gave him some and now he dont know how to act. Classic sucker for it. Sigma from pants pocket to jacket pocket... Anyway, they go back n forth for a couple more minutes then dude leave. So after choppin it with her a few more minutes, i find out dude is the best friend of one of the kids dad, and the dad had died. He stay tryin ti come around and "help the fam"..more on him later. Anyway we end up in her bedroom and start the session. Well a few minutes in i see a shadow outside the window. Dude never ? left, he out there ? watchin! So at first im like wtf, then the ? in me came alive and im in there flexin like lex luger from wcw, doin all kinda wild ? . So after, she layin there tryin to cuddle n ? , so i tell her dude was peepin thru the window. Thats when she spill the rest of the beans and tell me dude sell dope and his stash in the basement (and yeah she ? him lol). So im like i need to ? of there. So over the next few days she had been hittin me up to come thru, but i wanted to stall her out a lil bit. She buyin me ? (among other things a ? dog) , takin me out to eat, givin me brain at the pickup window at hardees, she was really down for the cause. She finally tell me she made dude get his ? and get out. Cool.
Well i finally get over there, im chillin and her phone rings. Its dude. So they talk, she hangs up. Then she tells me dude wants to come in and use the bathroom. Im like wtf?! Its your house do what u want. Sigma in the couch...dude comes in, looks at me then goes into the bathroom. Hes in there for a few minutes, then comes out and leaves. Now im sittin there thinkin..hmm thats odd, no toilet flush, not water ran. Somethin is up. So i go lookin,and in the garbage can..a needle, a shoe string, a spoon and about a quarter of soft. So about two minutes later he calls back, sayin hes gonna call the police and child services and tell em she usin and abusin. So i call somebody i know who mess with party favors took care of the soft. Tossed the other ? in the sewer a few blocks away. Told her i was done with that whole situation. About a week later, she call tryin to get back. She dont know how to deal bc she aint never been left before. Blah blah blah. So later that day im out in the driveway givin the dog a bath, and i see a flower truck creepin by. Im lookin and i think to myself..nah. So the truck backs up and the lady driving asks if i know "big sleeze". So she gets out brings me this huge ass thing of flowers. Tells me i need to read the card "bc her and the girls ? a kick out of it". The card read: You bring the body, ill bring the whipped cream". Right then, i called her back told her thanks but no thanks. She asked for the dog back which turned out to be one of her sons. I sold the flowers to one of my guys who didnt buy ? for his moms bday and changed my ? number. ? strippers man smh.
smh at this ? giving u her sons dog.. hoes aint ? -
The Misadventures of BigSleeze Chapter 2
.... A few minutes go by, I start smellin something...I stop ask and look..the ? done ? herself! I start flippin out, she start crying. Trying to blame me for puttin too much pressure on her when I had her folded over.So over the next few days she had been hittin me up to come thru, but i wanted to stall her out a lil bit. She buyin me ? (among other things a ? dog) , takin me out to eat, givin me brain at the pickup window at hardeesSo i go lookin,and in the garbage can..a needle, a shoe string, a spoon and about a quarter of soft. So about two minutes later he calls back, sayin hes gonna call the police and child services and tell em she usin and abusin.
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The Misadventures of Big Sleeze
Chapter 4
Another night of Seinfeld reruns and popeys and I'm just about to call it a night but I get a call from my favorite ? . She's the kind that let u do just about anything and go and get u something to eat n drink afterwards. Then suck u off again while u trying to eat n relax. A couple of bad ass kids, ? job at the local gas station, but the cooch and the mouth are RIGHT! Anyway, she calls trying to see what's good for the night. I'm like ? , u tell me. She like, "Well I need you to come make me feel good". At first I'm about to be all over it, but then I remember its damn near an hour drive to her place.. I'm knowing imma go, but I really didn't wanna drive but ? it right, she talking that cash ? that a ? wanna hear. The whole time she got this lil attitude in her voice, i ask her whats up, she says nothin just a long day. So I get my travel bag ready and I'm out. I get there and I notice she a lil extra clingy tonite, oh well whatever. So the whole time we chillin, her phone is blowing up (on vibrate mind u) and she steadily ignorin it. I asked if she was gonna get it she just waved it off. Finally she try to act like she going outside to smoke and I can hear her thru the section 8 plywood doors telling somebody to quit call-in her. So I'm thinking the fix is in and she done caught me slippin BC I didn't take my piece ..? ...
So she comes back in bitter beer faced in ? so I knew something was up. I asked again, she's like "well I met this dude at the club and now he won't leave me alone". So naturally I asked if they were more than just acquaintances (BC I know she s ? fiend lookin for love) she said no. She gimme the run down on dude. I know something is still off BC now all of the sudden she trying to tell me everything that I wanna here.."aw naw we ain't ? , he's never been over here, we just had a couple of drinks, but I can't get none as good as you". Translation: he got you ? , took you home, and found out what I already knew, but he couldn't handle it. Now he stalking you, scaring the ? outta u, and u called me thinking imma keep him off your ass. .. But I just hit her with the "oh..ok"...
So after the chat, I told her just block him. She giving me all these excuses why she can't...so I DEFINITELY know she full of sheeeit. But whatever, my mission ain't been completed. So she goes to the bathroom, and the phone goes off again, so real quick I igged the call, then blocked the contact. After a while we made our way to her lil ass full size bed, and put in work. So after, a lil law n order and we crash out. Easy night huh...NOPE.
So I'm already a super light sleeper, and I get woke up by the sound of scratching outside the window I'm layin next to. I thought it was a raccoon or something, but then it got louder and I could here the frame being torn off the mf window! Then this ? pop's his head thru the screen like Jack Nicholson in the mf Shining! He then proceeds to CRAWL OVER ME to choke the ? out if this ? . I had to throw a quick choke hold on his ass so she could get out the room! He starts hollerin he's chillin, he's cool. So im thinking should I just Nite Nite him or let him up. She's in the living room hollerin back at him so I'm like ? it, imma let him up. Sounds like a lovers quarrel to me. He make his way to the living room, they in there movin furniture round that ? . I'm getting dressed, like fuuuck this. So I come out the room, she's standin on one side, he's standin on the other like in the kitchen area. They both look at me, I look at them. I tell him he need to chill, he's hollerin that his ? , and I tell him well she said u ain't. He then proceeds to throw a bottle of dish soap and bust her in the face. She lookin at me like I'm supposed to do something, but I just said that's what u get for lyin, and I bounced.
So as I'm leaving, I pass by the lil sheriff's office, for some reason that scene from American ? with Rosebudd (2 d's for a double dose of this pimpin lol) was playin in my head (where he's talking about his hoe that got killed). Anyway, I stop in and tell them to go by there BC she's probably getting her ass whooped. Then I just walked out and drove home. The next day she calls me, thanking me n ? but also to tell me I left my watch over there..? ! White ceramic Invicta lupah..anyway she came into town to drop it off. I met her at the gas station got my ? and left her ass in the rearview. This is why I don't ? with nobody else woman.. Bad business, man...bad business. -
Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
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Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
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Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
I for real just hollered, got me weak af! -
Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
I for real just hollered, got me weak af!
After I read your story and found this gif, it was a wrap
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Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
I for real just hollered, got me weak af!
After I read your story and found this gif, it was a wrap
I think I got like 3 more in the saga. Then imma shut my fuckn mouth. -
Lmao dude tore the Window frame out !!!
I for real just hollered, got me weak af!
After I read your story and found this gif, it was a wrap
I think I got like 3 more in the saga. Then imma shut my fuckn mouth.
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After dude got in, he came at ol' girl like
Lmao! -
? ...when that muthafucca said that ? CRAWLED OVER him to choke that hefa...I was done. Lol!
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Great way to start my morning
Shout-out ic -
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You got to love the ic and these stories
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I'ma hit up my Patna who's an Artist and see if he wants to turn these into Cartoons or Comics .
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JonnyRoccIT wrote: »I'ma hit up my Patna who's an Artist and see if he wants to turn these into Cartoons or Comics .
I've been working on novels and use some of the ? from these stories
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