Fellas and Women in a relationship, need some real help

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  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    AP21 wrote: »
    Silver, you gotta run thread ideas like these by the caw caw boyz first fam

    c'mon my g

    Lmaooo
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    bossdon201 wrote: »
    All about compromise, can't expect her to change her nature for you and vice versa. So if she's worth it and you want it to work out and she truly loves you then she wouldn't mind at all meeting you somewhere in the middle

    Word
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .
  • blacktux
    blacktux Members Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Early in relationships some females arent willing to open up as much about their sexual needs. So what happens is you will be thrilled about the whole ? , busting all kinds of nuts; while she feels unfulfilled.

    Im SURE there are people out there that just dont care for sex like that. But in my experience if a female isnt showing interest its because the man isnt making it interesting.

    Take your time, be patient; always make sure she is finished and done before you even get started. She will bring you the ? until your nuts look like two raisins.

    Seems like you care about the broad. Good luck
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    make her want you.....present yourself so she asks for it.

    seduction goes a long way
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Westie wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Also many prescriptions have this effect, like antidepressants. She's also 24, her prime aint hitting for a few years, and I'm assuming you're in yours. Doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with either of you.

    Good insight @Westie
  • EmM HoLLa.
    EmM HoLLa. Members Posts: 3,255 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Westie wrote: »
    EmM HoLLa. wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    EmM HoLLa. wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    I love all these old and married ? in the thread talking bout they'd be out or cheat. Like none of y'all have had a woman not want to ? as much. I expect it from young ? but either the vast majority of you are complete trash (I haven't ruled that out) or you're fronting like a mfker.

    With age comes experience.. If you're dealing with someone and you aren't compatible in certain areas.. Especially sexually.. The relationship is going no where fast.. You can overlook it all you want.. But there will come a time when that thing you overlooked to start a relationship is the very thing that will break a relationship.. Some of the older cats on the board have been there and done that.. This isn't rocket science.. But I digress...

    As long as your experience from jumping from relationship to relationship, and sticking your ? into the 1st thing with open legs has made you happy, and you have never ? over a good woman in the process cool. Cuz ? talking and compromise, your ? tho.

    Yeah pretty much.. Only thing I would clarify is the advice I am giving isn't just aimed at sex.. That's just in general.. Life is too short to settle.. In any area of life. You can try to compromise.. But someone ultimately if not both of them won't be totally happy..

    To @cinco 's point.. Maybe he needs to put a little finesse in how he deals with his lady.. But if that isn't the case.. He's gonna have to really think about whether he wants to continue dealing with her and she will have to do the same... He shouldn't feel like he can't get satisfied.. And she shouldn't feel like a ? after being intimate with her man.. This isn't about ? over a good woman.. It's about a relationship not working out.. It happens.. If this ultimately breaks them apart it'll give both of them the opportunity to find a partner that they are more compatible with.

    so you don't think anybody should ever compromise with somebody They love in any relationship? And that's how you look at it if I don't get my way a hundred percent I'm unhappy? That's really sad. We just are going to disagree on a fundamentally basic level.

    There's a disconnect.. Either your interpretation or my articulation (most likely my articulation) is throwing us off.. There are many instances where it's wise to compromise with your mate. I don't want to make it seem like compromising is a bad thing. However, in respect to the TS. It seems like sex is important to him and because of that he shouldn't compromise because if he does. He's going to end up unhappy in the long run. They are only 6 months in. What happens in the future when life starts to get in the way? It seems that she already isn't as big on sex as he is. What happens when they have children and/or careers to tend to?
  • 2stepz_ahead
    2stepz_ahead Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 32,324 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    blacktux wrote: »
    Early in relationships some females arent willing to open up as much about their sexual needs. So what happens is you will be thrilled about the whole ? , busting all kinds of nuts; while she feels unfulfilled.

    Im SURE there are people out there that just dont care for sex like that. But in my experience if a female isnt showing interest its because the man isnt making it interesting.

    Take your time, be patient; always make sure she is finished and done before you even get started. She will bring you the ? until your nuts look like two raisins.

    Seems like you care about the broad. Good luck

    whats sad about this is ...its true....

    i been with alot of chicks that didnt know how to not be fukked.
    they looking at me crazy cuz im taking my time and making them first.

    chicks thought fourplay was about some sneaky ?
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    ^^^just know....

    a woman can have a higher sex drive and make you just want to be held and not sexed all the time.

    ? in here lying or aint been around enough.

    i had a chick..i had to tap out and try to keep her ass busy with other ? ....chick drained me dehydrated to the point i needed eye drops just to blink

    That's the thing, I've dated chicks in the past that done the same thing to me, but I didn't love them or could see myself with them. So with my girl now I'm at least willing to compromise just to see where this ? goes first before I press the panic button and blow it up. She told me how she felt, said she wanted normacy and didn't wanna feel like everything is a sexual expectation. I never noticed I made her feel that way, but now I do I'll work around it or like I said just not show any sexual desire until she wants to make love with me. If that don't work, THEN I'll consider truly looking at the relationship fabric.
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    blacktux wrote: »
    Early in relationships some females arent willing to open up as much about their sexual needs. So what happens is you will be thrilled about the whole ? , busting all kinds of nuts; while she feels unfulfilled.

    Im SURE there are people out there that just dont care for sex like that. But in my experience if a female isnt showing interest its because the man isnt making it interesting.

    Take your time, be patient; always make sure she is finished and done before you even get started. She will bring you the ? until your nuts look like two raisins.

    Seems like you care about the broad. Good luck

    I'm man enough to admit this is true. ? took me by surprise when she told me this, now that I know, I'm watching my actions heavy. As far as seduction goes, I felt like I did, but l maybe over did it.

    Like I said I'm just gonna chill on the sex tip for a min to see how she responds to everything. No foreplay, no teasing, no touching outside of kisses, etc. Strictly long ass conversations, super casual cuddling rarely, and giving her plenty of space.

    If ? doesn't help then I'll figure out something else. But I'm willing to try first. Hardest part for me is that I'll probably be sexually frustrated, but I'll embrace the challenge first to see if I can make things work with my lady.
  • Go figure
    Go figure Guests, Members, Confirm Email, Writer Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Westie wrote: »
    Go figure wrote: »
    ^^^^this

    An old ex liked to be please but didnt like to return it, sex drive wasnt all that great n i brushed it aside bc i loved her

    Fast forward next chick we were on the same level damn near burned each other out took a break n went back at it

    Didnt know what i was missin til i got somethin better

    That's completely different.

    Its not tho...the bottom line was her sex drive was low. Not reciprocatoing was the smaller problem at that time.
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    SMH @ my self ether. My personal life (? I don't want people to care about) is getting more views and responses then my music artisic threads(? I only want people to care about)

    I gotta start fooling and finessing the IC on some Nigerian scam ? huh? Lol
  • AZTG
    AZTG Members Posts: 7,598 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    Bruh, I know you young but I just have to stop you here. Listen, live and learn, thats what its ultimately about, but this is not how its done. You dont have your girl say yall having too much sex and then you decide to not have sex at all for a month. Thats how relationships end.

    Soon as you do that, your girl gonna be like yo wtf? And you gonna say yo thats what you wanted, and she gonna say you totally misunderstood her.

    Just relax, and let this pass over, and let ? happen naturally. Chill with her, do what yall do, and if it turns to sex cool. Just dont go and make it about sex.
  • Kwan Dai
    Kwan Dai Members Posts: 6,929 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    I would advise that you ask yourself where you want this relationship to ultimately end up. If, you see this being long term then treat it as a phase or moment in time that will eventually change. Take this time to continue learning about yourself, your lady and how you all can improve on your relationship should it continue.

    If, you and your lady's intentions for each other are good you will find that as your relationship grows you will find yourselves loving and being attracted to each other in ways you probably hadn't anticipated. Which, in some situations can lead to having more meaningful sexual encounters with each other, rather than the usual sexual encounters just because, the two of you are there and in a relationship.




  • blackgod813
    blackgod813 Members Posts: 9,577 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    To decrease ? salt Peter.. Zoloft works alcohol
  • nex gin
    nex gin Members Posts: 10,698 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    My biggest concern is that it's only been 6 months.

    Do you feel that you have done your due diligence in this situation......communicating your needs and expectations, getting her to communicate her needs and expectations, confirming & insuring that you're are meeting her needs/expectations and vice versa? Some people just aren't sexually compatible for one or more reasons fam. Better to find out early than years down the line when it's too late.
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    AZTG wrote: »
    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    Bruh, I know you young but I just have to stop you here. Listen, live and learn, thats what its ultimately about, but this is not how its done. You dont have your girl say yall having too much sex and then you decide to not have sex at all for a month. Thats how relationships end.

    Soon as you do that, your girl gonna be like yo wtf? And you gonna say yo thats what you wanted, and she gonna say you totally misunderstood her.

    Just relax, and let this pass over, and let ? happen naturally. Chill with her, do what yall do, and if it turns to sex cool. Just dont go and make it about sex.

    Word. Appreciate you catching me before I do dumb ? . How do I not make it by sex though? The thing is I don't wanna scare her or make her feel like a ? object. I'm cool with just chilling and to quote you "do what we do" but she was the one who told me that she will be the aggressor and for me to chill. I'm low-key confused on how to respond to this .
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Kwan Dai wrote: »
    I would advise that you ask yourself where you want this relationship to ultimately end up. If, you see this being long term then treat it as a phase or moment in time that will eventually change. Take this time to continue learning about yourself, your lady and how you all can improve on your relationship should it continue.

    If, you and your lady's intentions for each other are good you will find that as your relationship grows you will find yourselves loving and being attracted to each other in ways you probably hadn't anticipated. Which, in some situations can lead to having more meaningful sexual encounters with each other, rather than the usual sexual encounters just because, the two of you are there and in a relationship.




    Real ? .
  • Go figure
    Go figure Guests, Members, Confirm Email, Writer Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    silverfoxx wrote: »
    AZTG wrote: »
    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    Bruh, I know you young but I just have to stop you here. Listen, live and learn, thats what its ultimately about, but this is not how its done. You dont have your girl say yall having too much sex and then you decide to not have sex at all for a month. Thats how relationships end.

    Soon as you do that, your girl gonna be like yo wtf? And you gonna say yo thats what you wanted, and she gonna say you totally misunderstood her.

    Just relax, and let this pass over, and let ? happen naturally. Chill with her, do what yall do, and if it turns to sex cool. Just dont go and make it about sex.

    Word. Appreciate you catching me before I do dumb ? . How do I not make it by sex though? The thing is I don't wanna scare her or make her feel like a ? object. I'm cool with just chilling and to quote you "do what we do" but she was the one who told me that she will be the aggressor and for me to chill. I'm low-key confused on how to respond to this .

    How old are u and your girl
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    nex gin wrote: »
    My biggest concern is that it's only been 6 months.

    Do you feel that you have done your due diligence in this situation......communicating your needs and expectations, getting her to communicate her needs and expectations, confirming & insuring that you're are meeting her needs/expectations and vice versa? Some people just aren't sexually compatible for one or more reasons fam. Better to find out early than years down the line when it's too late.

    I think I am and I have. It's high-key my fault as she starting to view me a a horndog, so like I said, I need to chill that ? out a bit, and I think ? will bounce back to normal.
  • nex gin
    nex gin Members Posts: 10,698 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    I didn't think to even ask how old you were @silverfoxx ? Do you think that you are mentally mature enough to deal w/ compromising/sacrificing your personal needs for this woman? Will she or would she do the same for you?
  • silverfoxx
    silverfoxx Guests, Members, Writer, Content Producer Posts: 11,704 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Go figure wrote: »
    silverfoxx wrote: »
    AZTG wrote: »
    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    Bruh, I know you young but I just have to stop you here. Listen, live and learn, thats what its ultimately about, but this is not how its done. You dont have your girl say yall having too much sex and then you decide to not have sex at all for a month. Thats how relationships end.

    Soon as you do that, your girl gonna be like yo wtf? And you gonna say yo thats what you wanted, and she gonna say you totally misunderstood her.

    Just relax, and let this pass over, and let ? happen naturally. Chill with her, do what yall do, and if it turns to sex cool. Just dont go and make it about sex.

    Word. Appreciate you catching me before I do dumb ? . How do I not make it by sex though? The thing is I don't wanna scare her or make her feel like a ? object. I'm cool with just chilling and to quote you "do what we do" but she was the one who told me that she will be the aggressor and for me to chill. I'm low-key confused on how to respond to this .

    How old are u and your girl

    25 and 24. I may sound hella immature, but this is my first real relationship so I'm learning ? at a later age. Before I was on some player/hoh ? for a minute and I was in college wilding out. So for now I'm playing catch up
  • atribecalledgabi
    atribecalledgabi Members, Moderators Posts: 14,063 Regulator
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    silverfoxx wrote: »
    @silverfoxx is your gf on birth control? If so that could be a reason why her sex drive took a dip.

    Yes she is, also she heavy into school so like I said, maybe it's me tripping and not being understanding, I'll try to be a understanding partner. Already accepted that fact that I'm probably not going to get physical for like a month or two. I'll just let her be the aggressor .

    Do you know how long she been on bc? Also does she take other meds? The mix of bc with other scripts + the stress of school....and on top of that her diet might be trash too (or just different than when y'all first got together) due to the environment....it all might just be hormonal at the end of the day. Nothing to do with you.
  • Kwan Dai
    Kwan Dai Members Posts: 6,929 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    EmM HoLLa. wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    EmM HoLLa. wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    EmM HoLLa. wrote: »
    Westie wrote: »
    I love all these old and married ? in the thread talking bout they'd be out or cheat. Like none of y'all have had a woman not want to ? as much. I expect it from young ? but either the vast majority of you are complete trash (I haven't ruled that out) or you're fronting like a mfker.

    With age comes experience.. If you're dealing with someone and you aren't compatible in certain areas.. Especially sexually.. The relationship is going no where fast.. You can overlook it all you want.. But there will come a time when that thing you overlooked to start a relationship is the very thing that will break a relationship.. Some of the older cats on the board have been there and done that.. This isn't rocket science.. But I digress...

    As long as your experience from jumping from relationship to relationship, and sticking your ? into the 1st thing with open legs has made you happy, and you have never ? over a good woman in the process cool. Cuz ? talking and compromise, your ? tho.

    Yeah pretty much.. Only thing I would clarify is the advice I am giving isn't just aimed at sex.. That's just in general.. Life is too short to settle.. In any area of life. You can try to compromise.. But someone ultimately if not both of them won't be totally happy..

    To @cinco 's point.. Maybe he needs to put a little finesse in how he deals with his lady.. But if that isn't the case.. He's gonna have to really think about whether he wants to continue dealing with her and she will have to do the same... He shouldn't feel like he can't get satisfied.. And she shouldn't feel like a ? after being intimate with her man.. This isn't about ? over a good woman.. It's about a relationship not working out.. It happens.. If this ultimately breaks them apart it'll give both of them the opportunity to find a partner that they are more compatible with.

    so you don't think anybody should ever compromise with somebody They love in any relationship? And that's how you look at it if I don't get my way a hundred percent I'm unhappy? That's really sad. We just are going to disagree on a fundamentally basic level.

    There's a disconnect.. Either your interpretation or my articulation (most likely my articulation) is throwing us off.. There are many instances where it's wise to compromise with your mate. I don't want to make it seem like compromising is a bad thing. However, in respect to the TS. It seems like sex is important to him and because of that he shouldn't compromise because if he does. He's going to end up unhappy in the long run. They are only 6 months in. What happens in the future when life starts to get in the way? It seems that she already isn't as big on sex as he is. What happens when they have children and/or careers to tend to?

    If they are only 6 months in then he should compromise. What if in another 6 months sex isn't as important to him and he's now let his former sex drive deny him an opportunity to be with a good woman.

    I think us men should take time to evaluate how we are moving and the things we think are important in a relationship for the long haul.

    I have made this mistake a couple times in the past. And I am truly thankful that I got the opportunity to be gifted with another jewel. I know plenty of dudes that have yet to recover.